Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Appleblossom]

I liked @Faith-and-Hope's notion of "baby dragons" ... but I kind of went off in my head and think of it a bit like the Anne McCaffrey novels and the dragons of Pern.

I like the vulnerability in those dragons as well as the subtle connection they have withe their riders ... not sure if it resonates with you @Faith-and-Hope

Otherwise dragons are too scary & intimidating ... as a metaphor for our children .. I needed to have an "in" which was nurturing.

[Faith-and-Hope]

IYes, @Appleblossom ..... they are highly vulnerable, our teenaged children .... mood swings are natural to them at this age as the metamorph into the young adults they are to become.

Here is another image I like .....

It involves some clever photoshop work ..... but it shows them as vulnerable ......

❤️

[Jenstar]

Hi Janie - I am new to this forum too. I have a 20 year old son who has just been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. My story is similar. He finished year 12 and couldn't find work. He started to get depressed, then the anxiety began. He had some anxiety issues when he was young but we thought he was ok. He lost motivation for life and turned to weed. He seen a Psych for 12 months and then attended Headspace. None of which helped. He has attempted suicide numerous times and in the last 4 months has become extremely violent with outbursts aimed at my husband and our home. He refuses to take the recommended medication and we are living in a nightmare. The Psych he sees now is good and patient, and we have done so much to try get him help. However if he does not want to help himself now,our hands are tied. We tell him we are here for him and will provide any help and support he needs, but he does not think he has a problem. He is young and good looking boy who should be out there enjoying life - he has lost his friends and rarely leaves the house. It's hard to watch him be so self distructive. I wish you good luck with your son.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Good morning @Jenstar ..... 

While this is not my life experience, I hope others for whom it is their daily walk will confirm what I am about to put forward as an observation ....

As you read around the various carer threads, you may realise that there is something of a pattern of stages on the road to acceptance and recovery .... there appears to be the emergence of the mental illness, a battle with difficult and self-destructive beaphaviour patterns which impact the family / carers as well, but with faith, hope, perseverance and true grit, eventually some platforms begin to emerge ..... platforms where diagnoses are grudgingly accepted, medication is more or less taken, psychologist / psychiatrist appointments kept, and an uneasy status quo is established that allows a forward path to begin to reveal itself .... 

The differences and complexities of each situation are too numerous to count, but one thing others of us on the carer's or self-care path with mi's can tell you is that it is a path better walked in company ....

Welcome to the forums .... you are amongst friends here who truly understand, and are available to walk along with you ....

Take care,

🌷💜  F&H

[Janie]

Jenstar, suicide is my worst nightmare. Stay strong and supporting him and with time I hope that Faith & Hope's suggestion comes true.

Earlier this year my son and I had a verbal blew which stemmed from him refusing to make me a cup of tea. I accused him of having a problem with control (he never just makes a cup of tea, you have to ask several times or beg) and to go and stay somewhere else for the weekend and think about it. He carried on like a pork chop loading his car and telling me he wouldn't be back to which I said 'that's OK'. He then said he'd throw himself off a bridge and I said 'I rest my case'. You'd rather throw yourself off a bridge than make a cup of tea. He didn't leave, he didn't throw himself off a bridge, I don't remember if he made the cup of tea but he did throw his mobile phone against the wall and damaged the wall and the phone. Ultimately, he ruined the opportunity to be mature and considerate. He struggles so much with stepping up and doing simple adult things or even recognising the role modelling and opportunities we give him to become an adult and stop behaving like a spoilt child (which I don't think he was).

We've had an OK week this week. He helped his father do some sanding and applied for a job in a supermarket. However, he laid in bed all day today.

[PeppiPatty]

Dearest @Jenstar

I'm thinking about you. My son at 25 years old, it was/ is  a nightmare for the past 5 years. But my son's journey started from bad things happening to him as a young teenager. 

1. There is always hope.

2. your boundries are very very important right now. 

3. Support for you and your husband is the most important thing that you can do. 

Ille just read what others have written. I apologise if I read arrogent or impatient....I am just on a lot of medication and am tired.......

Hello tp all, I LOVE reading your messages 

[Janie]

We've had an interesting week this week. On Monday, I phoned a counselling service regarding a mentoring type program that they advertised. The lady sounded efficient and nice and that she would make an inquiry and get back to me but I have heard nothing so I'll ring again next week. My son went to a pub for birthday drinks for his mate. He phoned and asked me to pick him up just over an hour later. He was down. His friends have jobs or are at uni etc and he feels left behind. We talked about this and I suggested he just keep trying and not give in. I also said that instead of feeling bad about himself, he should feel happy for them because that what good friends do and it is far more positive than being jealous but I'm not sure that he 'gets it'.

The next day he stole money from my bedroom and gambled it. Probably the look on my face said it all but my only words were said calmly .. 'trust is on the line'  and we talked later in the night about other things. His younger brother was away for the week on a school trip and I could tell that he was missing him. I've asked him if he'll come for a bushwalk tomorrow with the dog, his little borther and me and he said 'maybe'.

Thanks for your responses on this forum. I feel overwhelmed at times (usually at night) and it's good to write things down.

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Janie

It is taxing and overwhelming .... I find the forums are one way to be looking after me .... it's a mixture of things - being able to vent, giving a receiving compassion and understanding, socialising with likeminded people ....

🌷💜

[Janie]

A few good things have happend since I last posted. My son is going to stay with his cousin for 3 weeks to do some work.  He appears to be pretty positive about it.  Our next door neighbour who knows my son often offers him work to do at this place. It's his lovely way of trying to help. All offers have been accepted by my son but he has not kept his word and pretends to forget (or maybe he really does forget - still smoking marijuana). This week he actually did a job for the neighbour and got $50 for it. Within 5 minutes of finishing the job he went off to gamble the money. His behaviour really does drive me crazy.

He has seen a psychologist and wants to go back again. I am leaving it to him to make the appointments. He has been getting up earlier and doing things around the house a bit more. He has been actively trying to reconnect with his mates and has been to the gym with one mate and to another birthday party.

I've received some information about gambling to read. I understand that it is part of having an addictive personality. I'm still trying to understand why.

I hope everyone else is managing to keep calm and carry on.

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @Janie

Yes, I'm personally staying calm.....my 22 year old son gives very mixed messages to me and I'm both overwhelmed and also annoyed at them. 

My son does not live with me. I think that my son is manipulative. He wants me to drive him home pleading headaches ...I take him home, see his really messy and pigsty home and overgrown weeds...I say to him, if your going to smoke green and live like this...I'lle see you later then he calls and asks if he can stay the night and tells me that he's not smoking green. 

grrrrr. 

My husband just laughs and tells me to mind my own business and let him work it out so thats what I need to do but with a strong hand. 

He keeps on calling me though. 

I think that your son does forget. 

They should know what smoking green does but ......what to do ? My oldest son  is 26 years old and has quit all drugs and though he does not take meds, he canot handle the vioces so he sees a Psychotherapist and pays for it. 

Take care @Janie stay in touch thanks for the great news on your son......