Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

I am sitting on a bench reading my safety plan. I hope with time it will become easier to deal with the aftermath of flashbacks in whatever form they come.

I don't understand how the past can have such a major impact on my current life. I'm not sure if I'll ever understand what is happening. I just feel very lonely when it happens and hopeless. But I'm trying to push through, it's just exhausting.

[supernova]

Hi @Former-Member,

Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time this morning. It's good that you've got your safety plan with you! Just having it can be grounding in itself, knowing that there are some things you can do or focus on when everything seems out of control.

Are you safe at the moment? Remember that we're all here to support you through this, and if things do get really tough today, don't forget you can always reach out to a crisis service life Lifeline (13 11 14) or Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

supernova.

[Decadian]

Hi @Former-Member

I can't possible talk to everyone who sends messages to this site - but I have special people who I feel I understand and I can read their struggle without it being too much for me and you are one of those people

It will take time - you have been struggling all the time I have known you - which is some months now - and I know you spent a long time in hospital - and then took a leave of absence for a while - but when you have been posting I can say I have noticed that you are improving - but from experience I know that people do not always feel better during that time - and I think that is because they are so busy beating the odds in their lives they feel very delicate at times - and things really really get to them

When people struggle they get somewhere - it's the people who don't who go down - I have every faith in you - but I have been through the mill myself and know

About your nightmares - I used to have horrific nightmares myself - and night terrors - which have stopped now - for years - and the recurring nightmares are infrequent now - so I could say that with time your nightmares will not always be so horrific

But they are terrifying and I have been afraid to sleep because of them - I think they are part of our brain reorganising itself - and it takes time -

But I got help talking to a psychiatrist about them - that's how long ago it was since they were bad - and rewrote the end of the nightmare that I had over and over again - and now it different

It's really hard to deal with things that are out of control - how can we get a handle on something we cannot actually grab hold of and deal with?

Thinking of you

Dec

[Former-Member]

@supernova

Thank you. I am safe. I made it to work eventually.

@Decadian I will write more probably tonight, but I just want to thank you for your continued support. It has been a while now that we've know eachother here and it is always good to talk to you.

I try to keep away from SH as well. I bought fishermans friends yesterday. I hate sharp mints, so I will give that a try now. I like chilli so biting in a chilli won't work.

[Decadian]

Oh boy @Former-Member

Fishersman's Friend - that sure could be a cure for SH - I don't like them myself - or biting a chilli

I'm trying to find a cure for over-heating - I don't think either of those would help for them

Keep in touch when you are ready - it's better to write than anything else if you are feeling bad -

Dec

[pip]

Hi @Former-Member. I experienced similar feelings a few years ago when my toxic in-laws destroyed my farce of a marriage. My ex had allowed them free reign to abuse and belittle me over a period of 20t years. My feelings of self worth became 'black' as the intense depression took hold. I was lucky in that someone 'saved' me by allowing me to talk about my feelings of betrayal and intense hurt. Once I freed myself of the feelings I had, the 'blackness' did lift and the sun began to appear. If you can get help to free yourself of the 'black' feelings that are locked up, the sun will reappear. I can't promise the journey will be pleasant, mine was anything but, but necessary for me to heal from the inside. The 'blackness' is the toxic/poison. You need help to get it out of your system so you can be free of it.

[Former-Member]

I'm thank you all

Too confused and tired for something that makes sense. Tok my meds hand hope to sleep soon.

[Former-Member]

I feel every step I take is wrong.

I want to stop the confusion, questions and discussions I have are wrong.

What's happening to me?

[pip]

@Former-Member. You seem to be locked inside your darkness. The confusion you experience is overwhelming your need for escape. It's hard to open the door when you can't find the handle. Then when you find the handle, the fear you feel on the indecision to open is scary. Why do you feel your questions and discussions are wrong? There is no judgement, no fear of reprisals. Don't fear opening the door to freedom. The depression is clouding your ability to attempt freedom. I was where you are now and my fears were similar. Fear of judgement, recrimination etc. I felt stupid because I believed I had no right to question anything that was said. If you don't question, you stay locked in ignorance.

[Former-Member]

Good morning,

Just checking in. Another dreadful night, but I am reaching out for help and receiving it.

Thank you all for being here for me.