Welcome & getting started
21-09-2022 04:52 PM
Needing some help or advice as a first time poster!
Ive had an awful time with my partner splitting at a dinner party he held for my friends . He became negative and turned against one of my friends and the couple left. he then turned on my so i left. the next day he blocked me on everything and sent nasty messages to my friend about how disrespectful they were and ive had a few days of constant anxiety .
3 days later he has sent them apologies (none of them understand his illness and are all very angry and worried that he is just abusive) - yet he is calling me telling me i am still selfish for wanting to try and sort it out and I'm at fault. Weve been together 2 years, ive dealt with 3 splits before , just between us, that were completely irrational and solved in a few days.
Now that me friends are involved its so difficult - they are getting apologies yet i am being told he cant speak to me, dont try or im blocked.
Would really appreciate some advice on how to dal with this . He messages me to open a converstaion , but when i try to express my emotions I am completely shut down and told if i go on im blocked. Please help .
He is diagnosed, medicated as much as possible, and attends regular psych appointments.
15-10-2022 02:17 AM
I just wanted to reach out and welcome you to the forums - it’s great to have you here 💜
Oh Lula2 💜 I’m so sorry to hear about what happened during your dinner party and I can only imagine how distressing this has been for you.
Just from what you described, it sounds as though the situation escalated without warning and that things became volatile quite quickly! This in itself, can be an incredibly overwhelming and scary place to be and as such, it’s completely understandable that you found yourself experiencing constant anxiety in the days that followed.
As I continued to listen to this part of your story, I got the overwhelming sense that you’re being pushed and pulled in so many different directions and in my experience, finding ways to repair the ruptures that have occurred in our relationships as a result of our loved ones behaviour, can be an incredibly challenging and exhausting process 💜
I’m really mindful of how quickly our relationships with our loved ones can change and as such, I just ever so gently wondered if you and your partner have been able to reconnect, or if you’re experiencing the same challenges that you were a few weeks ago?
As I sat here thinking about some of the things that you’ve shared with us, I also wondered if the Friends, Family and Carers section of the forums may be helpful for you 😊
Basically, this part of the forums has been created especially for people who are caring for a loved one who is living with complex mental health conditions 💜
As such, you’ll find a variety of different resources and plenty of opportunities to chat with other people who may share similar experiences to your own.
I’ve included the link to this particular section of the forums below, just in case you would like to take a look 😊
Some members of our community spend time in both the lived experience section of the forums (where we are now 😊) and in the Friends, Family and Carers section of the forums and so you’re always more than welcome to move between the two different spaces 😊
I can really hear how deeply you’ve been impacted by everything that’s been happening to you and as such, I just wanted to share some information about SANE’s ‘drop in service’ just in case you felt that you needed some additional support.
Basically, ‘SANE drop-in services are staffed by qualified team of counsellors and people with lived experience of mental health issues who will provide you with free digital and telehealth support, information and referrals.’
I’ve reached out to this service numerous times and I’ve always had a really positive experience where I felt listened to and really well supported 💜
I’ve included the link to this particular service below, just in case you would like to explore this further 😊
Also, just while I remember, one of the things that really helped me when I was new to the forums and still finding my way around, was that if you would like to chat with another forum member, or reply to one of their posts, place @ in front of their username just like I did at the start of my post to you i.e. @Lula2 that way, they will receive a message that you have contacted them 😊
I would really love to hear how you’re travelling and I hope that you’ll continue to reach out to us here 💜
Take kind and gentle care of yourself,
17-10-2022 08:51 PM
Thank you @ShiningStar for your very thoughtful response.
It has been a very trying time. I have had some contact over text, and we were supposed to meet for dinner last weekend, but on advice of his psych, he was told it was too soon for him to take the step to meet with me.
It has been so hard to be pretty much completely shut out, and be unable to communicate or see each other, I'm really in shock and its so hard to process.
Ive seen my doctor and I've been back to my own psych to try and work through the anxiety, Ive met with a community support / BPD partner support worker to talk, but I am still feeling just as shaken and anxious, confused and deeply missing him. Nothing is soothing my mind.
Its just so hard to process and absolutely nothing is making me feel better or more relaxed about the situation. Its been a month now and I'm just exhausted. I will check out the friends / family / carer section as well. Its just becoming so hard to function in life and in work when feeling just so confused. Thanks so much for listening ♥️
30-10-2022 04:59 PM
It’s so lovely to hear from you 💜
It was my pleasure to listen to you and I just wanted to say thank you so much for sharing this part of your story with me 💜
Oh Lulu2 💜 I’m so sorry to hear that things are much the same and just from what you shared with me, I can really hear how deeply you’ve been impacted by everything that’s been happening for you 💜
In my experience, sudden and unexpected changes in our relationships can really knock us for a six and as such, it’s completely understandable that you’re in shock and feeling so incredibly confused, scared and anxious 💜
Finding ourselves in a place where we’re suddenly excluded from our loved ones lives can be absolutely devastating and in my experience, it was the extended periods of silence and the uncertainty of not knowing how long these periods of separation would last, that further compounded my distress.
I think that’s great that you’re receiving some support from your Psychologist and a BPD partner support worker, however, I can also really appreciate how despite the opportunity to talk, ‘nothing is soothing your mind.’ As such, I just ever so gently wondered if there’s something that you feel would be a little bit more helpful for you at this time?
That’s great that you’re going to take a look at the Family, Friends and Carers section of the forums and I just wondered if you’ve found anything helpful?
I also wondered if one of our special events known as Topic Tuesday may be of interest to you 💜
Basically, Topic Tuesday is a live online discussion that’s facilitated by a guest speaker who has expertise in the topic that’s being discussed 😊
Last month our Topic Tuesday focused on Borderline Personality Awareness Week ‘See The Person’ and as such, the conversations were guided by a guest speaker from an organisation called Spectrum, one of our wonderful Peer Support Workers TideisTurning and one of our wonderful Community Guides BPDSurvivor 😊
During this time, they created a safe and respectful space where they gently invited members of our community to share some of their experiences in relation to living with and / or caring for a loved one who is living with borderline personality disorder 💜
Although this particular event was held last month, you’re still more than welcome to read through the conversations 💜
As such, I’ve included the link to this event below, just in case you would like to explore this further:
Please know that I’m thinking of you at such a difficult and distressing time 💜
Take kind and gentle care of yourself,