Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Mindcarers]

For carers -it would be good to ask how might you have your needs become part of the agenda? Could you start a conversation with your partner about this?

[Mindcarers]

Tancate -it's good that you are taking time to do things for yourself.  Even the grieving is part of this-hard though it may seem at the moment.

[SunnyDay]

I am curious also for the answer to the question as there is a lot of advice that a partner should leave. If the partner leaves they then feel guilty as they stand by and watch the mentally ill person struggle with life. This is even more difficult when you have children to the person who is mentally ill. The children of the relationship still want the best for the mentally ill person.

[CherryBomb]

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@Former-Member wrote:
Hi
I find the anger which comes with the depression and anxiety difficult.
Because of this it is very difficult to know at what time you need to worry more.

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Hi @Former-Member,

is this because it's hard to know when anger is a symptom of depression or anxiety? Or is it because your partner gets angry and doesn't want help?

[tancate]

If I was in a situation to leave I may leave if things were still the same in 4 years.

[Former-Member]

Hi @tancate,
I know what you mean. Dealing with grief is an ongoing thing.
I stay because I love my partner and sometimes he can be himself if you know what I mean.

[Mindcarers]

Yes SunnyDay. Guit can be very difficult to deal with. Whether staying or going, the partner with a mental illness will still have a struggle with life.

[CherryBomb]

@SunnyDay, it can feel like your damned if you, and your damned if you don't. It is possible to stay in 'a relationship' though may require some adjustments and boundaries. By this mean I mean, knowing how much you can give, and where the giving stops. It's ok to have limits. @tancate mentioned going out and doing things. 

In my personal experience, I dealt with someone's anger by simply not engaging with them when they were irritable or frustrated, but I would be open and willing to offer support if they were calm and/or could speak to me in a way that I felt ok with. 

[Valociraptor89]

What are the odds of someone with a mental illness being able to successfully care for someone with a physical illness? I adore my partner, but I'm questioning how much either of us is good for each others quality of life..

[Mindcarers]

SunnyDay I wonder who has been telling you you should leave and how you feel about that?