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Something’s not right

The-Hams
Community Guide

digesting bad experience

I'm really annoyed. At what I am unsure. At who... I don't know... but some of my managers come to mind.

Today was okay right up until the end, when my manager's manager made some off the cuff remark. I had to screen share for an activity we were doing (working remotely). It was not a work related activity.

 

At the end my manager's manager said to make sure to end screen share. Immeadiately it was followed by a comment - "We don't want to see what windows you have open on your screen... all the hard work you have been doing"

 

It was clearly sarcastic. I could tell by the tone. I said nothing. Didn't address it. Kept smiling but on the inside was angry. As a result, I stayed online later than the rest of them. I finished a thing i needed to do and sent out a message over the internal comms chat and said that I had updated it. This was at 5:15. Proving I can work late too. I don't even care if they have to edit it or don't like it.

 

I think there is a level of sexism displayed towards me at this workplace too. Something I have noticed. I don't approve of that sort of behaviour. Even comments over people's appearance.

 

I also noticed that some of these people I work with are and can be somewhat 2 faced.

 

After hearing that from my manager's manager. I made a point of raising the fact i deal with mental health issues. And that me staying onboard to meet the challenge was what I was most proud of. I prefaced it by saying that I was speaking very personally. And that the roll had taught me a lot.

 

This experience today echoed something I experienced at my old workplace. When I went back to a work station I had been to earlier in the year and the boss made a big thing about the fact I was there and did not like it. It was a deliberate attempt to make me feel uncomfortable. She knew that full well. It was an attempt to make a point in a childish way. 

 

I have been tempted to think I must be easy fodder for people. I have been tempted to think that people don't like me. I have been tempted to think that maybe I rub people off the wrong way. I question myself. 

 

Then I think too, that if any of that was the case then it would be consistent. I have people who want to vouch for me. I have people who trust me. I have friends who can talk to me. 

 

Perhaps it is simply the case that these are instances where bad people are in places of competence, power or authority. Maybe they were once mistreated. Perhaps it is ingrained in their psyche. 

 

I guess in the end, I just get sick of it. Naturally though, people won't believe it. Why would they? As far as they are concerned, I'm the bad guy. I'm the one who has to check my privelege? I'm the one who needs to calm down? 

 

What happened to decency? I don't know anymore

 

Anyway. I needed to write about this experience. 

 

I'm just depressed and lost these days. Don't know what to do with my life. I turn 28 next week. That actually frightens me and I don't even want to think about it as a birthday but just as "a day". 

 

I really don't like who i am and where i am at in life right now. I feel so wasted..

 

I actually feel like I want to sever ties with the world and live on my own. Where I no longer need to be accepted by anyone anymore. 

 

@oceangirl @TAB @HenryX  @BlueBay @Shaz51 @Jacques @Candydipper1 @Meowmy @Itsjustme1 @Snowie @outlander @periwinklepixie @Smiling_Gecko @Clawde @frog @BPDSurvivor @Appleblossom 

29 REPLIES 29

Re: digesting bad experience

get used to it @The-Hams  a friend once  sent me something that said the days of good bosses and good jobs long gone, he thinks he is smart, prob doesnt even know you, dont let it bother you

Re: digesting bad experience

@The-Hams your perception seems spot on. And thank you for sharing something very detailed. It was written very well. I experience things like that in general public by people I feel who noticed I was down and their tactics, I don't know I'm not a psychologist - used by though I think, by gas lighters. Read up on it - I'm experiencing something I feel is similar at this point in my life and I'm 33. I don't know how it relates to situations at work and what not, but I'm happy to see where this discussion goes. It says just set boundaries with them 🤷‍♂️

 

itsjustme1

Re: digesting bad experience

Or microagressions @The-Hams 

 

itsjustme1

Re: digesting bad experience

@The-Hams hey Hamso,think it's hard for us as we are.more sensitive than most people. Take it easy. Have a good evening.

Re: digesting bad experience

That sounds like a frustrating workplace... I hope that's the right word.

it sounds like maybe there are people in management who are not good at dealing with people and communication... your post is incredibly well written and I'm guessing you're good at getting your point across - if there are people you have to deal with at work that don't have the same level of communication it sucks they are in 'boss' positions. 
I'm sorry I'm not more helpful. I hope things improve at work for you.

Re: digesting bad experience

Manager sounds like one of those, read from a script, types. Then again we all do it. Then again it sucks when it comes from bosses like that. Not exactly inspiring.

Re: digesting bad experience

lol @TAB
"prob doesn't even know you" - yeah well said

Re: digesting bad experience

I had to google that term @Itsjustme1

yeah i think it would be appropriate for what i experienced today. Maybe in the past she has done that and worked. I heard she went through a bad divorce or similar. I dunno.

boundaries - does that include avoid like the plague when you can ?

Re: digesting bad experience

true that @Meowmy

one wonders at what point sensitivity doesn't matter and people would start acting normal
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