01-04-2020 06:41 AM
Sorry @TAB , I went to bed. Walking is good! I go with Mr Angels. It's good, I don't know what's wrong with me .....
01-04-2020 07:19 AM
I'm sorry that you're struggling. I understand what your saying. Feeling unworthy hopeless and alone is not a good place to be in. But I'm so glad you're in here chstting to us.
It's really good that you haven't self harmed. Shows how strong you are.
it's such a hard time. Pls take care.
01-04-2020 08:06 AM
Hope things are a bit better for you even if only fo today @Angels333
cant worry about things out of our hands
02-04-2020 10:16 PM
Such a tough time for many @Angels333. You're not alone. This is a once in a century sort of thing, it's OK to be upset, sad, mad, etc. It's not your fault xx
How are going now? 💜💜
02-04-2020 10:32 PM
Thanks @Molliex I feel so awful, I can't exercise except a walk around the block. That's a problem as I get a lot of anxiety about my weight, I have gained weight from meds.
Anyway my house is a mess and I feel gross about it. Kitchen and bathrooms are clean it's just the living areas so much clutter.
I should do something about it but I couldn't be bothered, why am I so lazy and undisciplined I know I have been using avoidance to distract me but now I can't escape it.
Sorry for the rant. Needed to get it out there.
How are you my friend Molliex, how's your D?
02-04-2020 10:44 PM
Oh I understand the weight thing @Angels333. You just have to try and be kind to yourself. I've been trying to walk most days before I start working at 7.45.
I know it's hard getting motivated to clean, etc., but a cleaner/tidier space really does help your mental health. Perhaps you can pick just one room to focus on tomorrow? Put some music on and just push through it6? You've got it in you x
I'm ok. Work is stressful, but I'm grateful to have a job and feel guilty even mentioning how tough it is. My little one is good. A bit confused about where her friends are and why the swings are all "broken", but she's fine.
My mental health is up and down. Some days I feel quite resilient and other days I feel suicidal. For now I still feel I can get through this. I'm still in touch with my MH doctors, and I'm grateful for that.
14-04-2020 08:38 AM
I'm just posting here as I'm feeling a bit out of sorts. As most of you know I get debilitating social anxiety. I worry a lot about going to work. Now work has stopped and I'm looking at months without it I have noticed a significant reduction in my anxiety, sleeping better eating better etc. Except the last few days I have been anxious about going to work again even though I know it's a long way away. I have had a few disturbing suicidal toughts, not really any self harm thoughts but on the the whole the anxiety is pervasive I'm finding thoughts racing in my head and my ability to keep a routine is falling to the wayside. I'm trying so hard to keep up appearances when it comes to Mr Angels, I don't want to sound weak as though I'm not coping and the whole thing is incredulous, I'm anxious about work that is months away. It makes me wonder if my anxiety trigger is not just work but somenthing in my daily routine thet I can't put my finger on. And to top it off guys I've had a running dialogue in my head saying I should stop my medication, see how I go without it. One med causes a significant hand tremor so I can see one advantage of that. Anyway, meds will continue as Mr Angels has them locked away and he gives them to me daily,I haven't told him I don't want my meds either, he'll certainly stress out.
Anyway aside from all that stuff, today I am determined to achieve two things. Firstly I need to get D3 to help clear some of her stuff from the lounge room so I can dust and vacuum and the second thing I wan't to do is get some gardening done outside D3's bedroom window it's a garden bed with roses that is all overgrown, hopefully I focus myself and get something done as all I want to do is stay in bed to be honest, which is a big warning sign that I'm depressed, it's always the way for me the anxiety starts and that leads to depression, Argh, I should check when my nexy appointment is with my psychiatrist, it might be good to see him, just tell him what's happening.
Thanks for all the support I get from all you forumites,
14-04-2020 08:48 AM
Gardening sounds good @Angels333 yeah I worry about work, mostly the night before though. I went through a stage years ago where I kept worrying rels I cared about were going to die, think I was really depressed and thats how it manifested itself ..it went away, it was irrational and prob was me felling sorry for myself and wanting to feel miserable. Perhaps let Mr Angels in on it ? dunno
14-04-2020 08:56 AM
Yeah, thanks @TAB I think I 'll talk to Mr Angels I just need to pick the right time. My MH spirals have been extreme before always leading to hospital. I have a bad habit of masking my illness until I have an episode then everyone knows. So talking early is a good idea. It's actually a very hard thing to do I feel like I'm a burden and I feel embarrassed that I can't manage.
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