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Maybe I should leave these forums?

I've noticed that in some of the threads, some of my posts have been removed. This tells me my feelings and thoughts aren't considered valid. Am I right? Please don't use the Guidelines as an excuse. Please, just be honest with me. I choose to write. Other people choose to read or not read. Presumably some complaints are being made about me. So why come on the forums if we're going to backbite each other? I would like my account to be deleted, please. Thank you.



Re: Maybe I should leave these forums?

Hi @Former-Member 😄🌷


I really hope you change your mind, and decide to stay. I enjoy reading your posts and appreciate having you around. I also love how inclusive you are.


We have all had posts deleted at some stage, and I agree it is really upsetting. I hope you can discuss these issues with one of the Community Managers when they return on Monday.


Thinking of you and hoping you are okay. 😊💓



Re: Maybe I should leave these forums?

Hi @Former-Member ,


We have all had our posts removed at some don't need to leave. Also, if your post is removed, you will get a nice, polite email from the moderator explaining why, so you don't need to worry that people are complaining about you behind your back. 


You can email if you really want your account to be deleted, but I hope you will hold off and stick around. 

Re: Maybe I should leave these forums?

I doubt it is people complaining behind your back @Former-Member I find many of your posts worthwhile, but if they are long and on similar themes I tend to scroll by.  In 6 years on forum I have only reported a post twice and they were personally directed at me in a nasty manner.  I have generally found it a good thing to perservere with the mods and the guidelines and find ways of still expressing my truths.  Sometimes I cant be bothered and let a moderated post slide.  Overall it has been good for me to work through all the things I might "personalise" and what is other people just sharing their story or feelings.  Given my background that was a good thing for me to get a very clear handle on.


Sometimes people post similarly to you and I have worried that it exacerbates their sense of paranoia and lack of trust, but these are often complicated when people have endured the kind of stuff or have the mental health conditions that leads them to post here. Sometimes they just venting and generally accusing the forum which is really pretty childish and this is an adult site.  You can tell if it is a guideline issue by the emails.


It helps to have other outlets or supports in place.  When I began posting I had nothing and now I do, so am in a better emotional and social place overall for my experience here.  You have a lot of supports in place so maybe you do not need the forum, or maybe you could use the supports to anchor you while you go work through your trust issues


Nothing is 100 % safe and I dispute some of the suggestions on the site that it is totally safe.  We can be triggered in so many ways and the mods were not on top of the kind of things that triggered me so I had to do that work myself.  I will go along with idea that it is 'reasonably' safe here. 


Like @Emelia8 @NatureLover I feel you are a good for the community and have def valued some of your contributions.  Take Care whatever you decide to do.

Re: Maybe I should leave these forums?

Hi @Former-Member 

I've had posts deleted too and it was very upsetting. In both cases I still think it was completely unjustified and it did make me question my participation on the forum. However, I understand that the motivation of the mods was good, and I weighed up the benefits of the forum as a whole. The bottom line for me is that I value the understanding and support I get from many members, including you. And, I feel that I can also offer that to some other people.

It might be worth pausing rather than quitting initially. Your feelings on this are 100% valid but time could make a difference to how you see the situation.

Hi @NatureLover @Emelia8 

Re: Maybe I should leave these forums?

Hey @Former-Member  i also have had heaps of my posts removed. And considered leaving as a result too. It’s hard sometimes when your writing, often maybe not in the greatest of places and your words just flow and you say what is really happening for you, you share your truths, your story, your pain and sometimes don’t think to consider the guidelines and you hit the post button and it’s all out there. It sucks, it’s upsetting and invalidating. it’s like our truths aren’t our truths anymore, our story doesn’t matter and our pain is ignored and stomped on. 
it sucks. 

but the guidelines are there to best support and protect all forum users and yeah sometimes they don’t make sense, they aren’t fair and it’s just down right shitty. 

but those few moments are far outweighed by the good that we get out of the forums. The support, the friendships and the lifelines. 

hope your reconsider leaving. 

Re: Maybe I should leave these forums?

You're valid. Very valid. So valid. And, you've going through a lot. Also, we love you. This is an important problem and I'm glad you bought it up.


It's definitely something that I think about. Or more in general, I find myself wondering where risk aversion becomes risky. Both organisationally and in a personal way. It's tricky for me to choose guiding principles. I love taking risks but I also hate doing harm.


The other day @Former-Member was talking about a help line that has policy to hang up on people that are crying. I'm super-curious about what's going on there. From what little I know, it sounds like a policy risking more harm than good. I don't see how you could meet duty of care with such a policy. I'm withholding my judgment pending more info, but feels like these are the issues.


Honestly, as someone who's looking to professionally involved in the support sector again, the possibility of not getting things right either by personal fault or policy fault gives me mucho concerns on my tiny little brain.


I'm still working out a lot of my stance on these things. It's good to hear your concerns because I'm invested in finding ways to out on the right side of these things as much as I possibly can. From what I can tell it's high priority for a bunch of us.


What would you like to see change in this forums and other groups approach truly, optimally effective, totally inclusive, safe-space-systems? Same question to everyone. I think it's an area where you can look at best practice and then aim even higher.



Re: Maybe I should leave these forums?

Hello and hugs @Former-Member 

Just look at all your support here with me @wellwellwellnez , @Bow , @frog , @Appleblossom , @Emelia8 

Tag the members who support you my friend 

I am sitting with you my friend xx and I love you tagging me anytime xx

Re: Maybe I should leave these forums?

Hey thread!  

Just quickly dropping by to say: This is all really important feedback. If you ever feel that things could be done differently or disagree with some of the guidelines, please do not hesitate to send through Forums feedback using this link.

Thank you, take good care of yourselves 💖


Kind regards


Re: Maybe I should leave these forums?

Good point my @Peregrinefalcon 

Just to let you know that some members have a sound that goes off on their phone when someone tags them day or night and it could be kind the early hours of the morning 

I have stopped this and then I can check my messages later 

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