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24-03-2017 02:29 PM
24-03-2017 02:29 PM
Harm OCD? Struggling
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24-03-2017 03:34 PM - edited 24-03-2017 03:36 PM
24-03-2017 03:34 PM - edited 24-03-2017 03:36 PM
Re: Harm OCD? Struggling
Hi Lynda,
I have OCD too and can relate to a lot of what you have said. I also have a mental health anxiety and health anxiety component to my OCD too. Oh boy I really personally know the horror that you've experienced. It sounds like you've had a horrid time, I'm sorry to hear that you have been through this. I understand the fear of thinking you may have schizophrenia and even heart attack - the heart attack is one of my big fears when I'm unwell and I have been to the ER many a time because of panic attacks caused by heart attack fear.
I can assure you that you will not k*ll your Mum or anyone for that matter. Your OCD disorder has grabbed onto your new fear of this and is making it all worse for you. The fact that you care so strongly is proof that you would never k*ll anyone - but the OCD will make you obsess and question that.
I am struggling quite strongly now as well but I know that the solution to this is talk therapy with a competent therapist or psychologist. Easier said than done, I know they are hard to find but they are out there! Cognitive behavioral therapy and Exposure response therapy is the absolute gold standard for OCD, when I have had it - I've made leaps and bounds. Do you have a psychologist or counsellor?
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24-03-2017 07:18 PM
24-03-2017 07:18 PM
Re: Harm OCD? Struggling
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24-03-2017 11:16 PM
24-03-2017 11:16 PM
Re: Harm OCD? Struggling
Hi @Lynda
It is your right to want to have the will to live, it is not a privilege but a human right - no matter how dark you feel at the moment, know that things can always get so much better and life can be wonderful. Please fight against the dark thoughts and hold onto the will to live, the will to fight tooth and nail.
Yes OCD is very deceptive, it makes you think these things to avoid treatment. Personally I am feeling a bit disheartened by medication at the moment but I believe whole heartedly in therapy. Do not worry about the PD, there is therapy for that too - it's called Schema therapy and it can also treat OCD as well as PD! Therapy is wonderful, I used to have obsessional thoughts and compulsions that would compell me to drive back the way I came or walk the same route I came when exiting a buiding. Exposure and response therapy completely eliminated those - now I can drive any route I want and not worry about it. I still have much more therapy to go for other things too! Were you diagnosed with PD by your psychiatrist if you don't mind me asking?
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25-03-2017 02:38 AM
25-03-2017 02:38 AM
Re: Harm OCD? Struggling
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25-03-2017 09:25 AM
25-03-2017 09:25 AM
Re: Harm OCD? Struggling
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25-03-2017 01:16 PM
25-03-2017 01:16 PM
Re: Harm OCD? Struggling
No worries @Lynda,
It may be strongly possible that your OCD is making you think you have ASPD, you sound like a good and moral person to me - that is why your OCD thoughts are making you doubt your goodness. But even if you were to be diagnosed with ASPD, it can be improved with Schema therapy 🙂 . It sounds like OCD to me, because it sounds like my own.
My OCD has manifested in many different ways over the years, I've almost had all subvariants over the years. Symptoms including germ obsessions, hand (and food) washing, sometimes purely obsessional OCD, thoughts that I'd harm others or that I'm a sexually deviant person and the severe health anxiety forms. I've most likely missed some things, I've had this for years now. What I have learnt is that OCD can change and morph. It's greatest trick is trying to make you think it is something else, or to making you think you need it!
I should mention that with me, the 'themes' do weaken after you've tried to beat them over time, that is why it can morph into a new 'theme' if that makes sense.
How long have you suffered from OCD?
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25-03-2017 04:27 PM
25-03-2017 04:27 PM
Re: Harm OCD? Struggling
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26-03-2017 12:41 PM
26-03-2017 12:41 PM
Re: Harm OCD? Struggling
@Lynda, don't worry about it going on forever - you will get used to it and it can get better with therapy. It can almost be completely controlled. I have mine in waves too, some months I'm really well and others not so but anyways.
In response to your question I am definately continuing therapy, my psychologist doesn't bulk bill so I'm getting a casual job to help with the cost :-).