Lived Experience Forum

[cloudcore]

Final Question:

How do you manage and cope with fear?

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@BlueBay @Oaktree @SJT63 @MIFANTCARER @Arizona @pinklollipop15 @BPDSurvivor @RedHorse @utopia @Shaz51 @Millieme @Owen45 @wellwellwellnez @JungleGiants @Anastasia @Jorge 

[Owen45]

Excellent advice, Utopia 

[MIFANTCARER]

Good morning @cloudcore 

How I manage or cope with fear is work on me and myself esteem.  Every morning I validate who I am and what I expect for myself.  I do this because I also instill it to my toddler son.  With him we say to each other before he goes to daycare.. ' I am big, I am strong and I am smart... I am ... his name and we clap really loud.'

For me i change it to 'this is me and I am ok about it..'  or 'you can be and you will'  depends on what needs to be said..

I also meditate and try to exercise in the mornings to start the day.

For me fear only happens when my state of mind is not clear.. so if I base myself in the morning I can be clear on what I want to achieve during the day..

xxx

[utopia]

The fear that was associated with my PTSD and Panic attacks, was treated successfully 4 years ago using EMDR Therapy.

So my fear now, tends to result in anger and irritation and feeling unheard or dismissed.

So I stop all conversation straight away when a family member dismisses my concerns. I simply say, Im not talking to you any more, and I hang up, or walk away. My family member is slowly, sometimes, learning what I am no longer willing to put up with from them.

If the fear results in emotions that are hard for me to cope with, I try to meditate or do mindfulness, to focus on the breath. Or I try to tell myself that it is ok, I am safe, I can handle this feeling. This doesn't work very often. I am still getting used to learning this technique. Working with my Psychologist on learning to just "sit" with those feelings. Bloody hard.

If in the end I am struggling, then I go to bed, pull the covers up, focus on a fantasy/dream scenario that I find safe, and then fall asleep.

Once I wake up, the fear, the other emotions are all gone.

Some might say that this last step is giving in and not facing the feelings head on. But for me, it is what stops the fear and pain. And that is what I want. For the fear and pain to go away.

[BlueBay]

I don't @cloudcore  Thsts the problem 

[BPDSurvivor]

@cloudcore ,

Regarding managing and coping with fear, with age, I believe I take a more proactive approach.

Rather than stress about the fear, I preempt it so I can work a way to reduce the effects/likelihood of fear.

For example, as a child, I was petrified of dogs. The fear gripped me terribly so that I was paralysed. Over years, I began looking at pictures of dogs, then it moved to watching shows about dogs, then seeing real dogs, then moving closer to dogs (all in positive light). Before I knew it, I owned two dogs that I loved to bits.

I guess this is called desensitisation?

But that's what I've done in the past, and I always consider this approach when I'm petrified of something. Positive self-talk plays a huge part.

[pinklollipop15]

Hi @cloudcore I usually feel fear in the gut area and fear may show up as overwhelm. 

[pinklollipop15]

Hi @cloudcore I manage and cope with fear by looking at why I feel fearful. Usually it is unfounded fear and so I just acknowledge it and do it anyway. 

[JungleGiants]

@cloudcore late entry: main thing is talk about the fear, to my support network which includes my counsellor. Self care is a big strategy. Pros and cons list also help. Going with my gut when making a decision is another way i cope. Acknowledging it and not immediately trying to change it is something im trying to do.

[RedHorse]

Q4. I may initially try to escape from whatever is making me fearful by distraction, avoidance and/or procrastination.

Later, I generally try to identify and address whatever is making me fearful through mindfulness, planned action and positive affirmation.

@cloudcore