Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

Hi, 

I am here hoping I can get some advice for how to sustain a relationship with my mother who has BPD. It has been a long journey and things seem to be escalating. Hoping to connect with others in a similar situation and get some advice 🙏

[outlander]

hello @Former-Member and welcome!

[Shaz51]

Hello and welcome @Former-Member 

Will tag @Determined as his wife has BPD

How are you going today 

@BPDSurvivor 

@tyme 

[Shaz51]

Hello and welcome @Libbyp 

How has your weekend been 

Letting you know that you are not alone,  I will tag some members @tyme , @amber22 , @hanami , @greenpea , @Appleblossom 

[tyme]

Hey @Former-Member ,

Thanks for reaching out. I don't have a family member with BPD. Instead, I am the one with BPD.

What's happening for you that had made you reach out?

I'd love to support you where I can.

[Appleblossom]

@Libbyp Is it congruent his usual diet and attitude to life?  I believe natural approaches can work in some circumstances.  How do you feel about it?  I am wary of medication only as an approach. It can be tricky re responsibility ... his personal responsibility and where duty of care starts and finishes.  I have struggled with it a bit with my son.

[Rocky23]

Hi everyone, I’ve just joined because my son has severe PTSD but is limiting contact with me. He won’t answer my calls, texts back sometimes and refuses to let me visit. This is torture for me and I’m terrified I’m going to get “that” phone call. I’m sure I’m not the only parent going through this so I’m hoping you can share with me some of your coping strategies. I think this is actually impacting on my physical health as well as emotional health. Thanks for reading. 

[tyme]

Hi @Rocky23 ,

I’m sorry to hear that you are sitting with this. It must be so hard for a parent to sit with not knowing.

Im wondering if you know why he may be limiting contact. 

Im not a parent, but I’m someone who chose to limit contact with my family. To the point that I moved over 800km away. I didn’t speak to them for years.

This was not because I hated them or was angry with them. It was because mentally, I was hurting so much. I needed time and space to recover. I needed to find myself and stop blaming the use around me for how I was.

I’m not saying this is why your son is limiting contact, but I am wondering if her has his reasons.

Oh, I should also mention. When I was better, I reconnected with my family. I appreciate them so much more now. I don’t live near or with them, but I actually wait and want to see them. 

[Rocky23]

Thanks @Thyme that’s given me something to think about. I think the reason he’s limiting contact is he feels he’s showing weakness. He tells me he has nothing to say, nothing to report so it would be pointless talking and he doesn’t have the energy to engage with anyone. It’s so hard when he sounds so helpless and hopeless.

[tyme]

I hear him @Rocky23 .

As hard as it is, maybe it’s good he gets some space, but send him a text regularly to assure and validate him?

Does he have any professional supports?