Lived Experience Forum

[sunshine33]

Hi

Im new to this forum. My husband with bipolar II is currently inpatient after depressive episode. He also has OCD intrusive thoughts. He’s a long term diagnosed and has had 2 previous admissions. 

He will hopefully be returning home in about a week all going well. 
I would like to get some support for me before then - dealing with a lot of emotions in response to what’s happened and moving forward -  don’t want to be a hindrance in supporting him and our kids when he does return so would like to work through this.

Any good recommendations for help you have found as a carer to deal with the feelings? 
Thanks 

[PizzaMondo]

Hello @sunshine33 and welcome to our SANE forums online community 🙂

We're happy to see you here and that you've reached out for support!

Thank you for sharing with us also about yourself and your husband. I think it is very powerful when we are able to recognise that those of us who are also caring for someone else living with complex mental health.. also need support ourselves, so I encourage you to continue doing so!

The first thing that comes to mind before skipping to something that can help with dealing with the feelings that is costly is (i.e. your own personal therapy through counselling, psychology!)...

What's in your toolkit?

What do you have in place already, if anything, that brings you peace, joy and comfort?

If you feel comfortable sharing a little bit more about what's coming up for you recently.. What kind of feelings are you currently grappling with @sunshine33 ?

Warmest,
PizzaMondo 🙂

[sunshine33]

Thanks for responding so quickly @PizzaMondo @and for your words of support 

to be honest - not a lot in the toolbox - we also care for our kids, one of whom is severely disabled and with this recent hospital stay it’s likely I will be the sole income earner again so working full time. I know the points of taking time for myself etc but at the moment there’s just not a lot of time for that. I know I need to put my own oxygen mask on before helping others but day to day at the moment I’m just able to get through the day and get to sleep and repeat. 

Feelings are - burnout, anxiety about our future, short term and long term, resentment about all of that (unfairly but still there) concern about impact on our kids. I’m functioning on just getting things done and when in that kind of crisis mode I just do and I feel empathy but can be not great at showing empathy or sympathy in those times, I become truly a carer rather than a partner - and I’m quite a functional carer 

I probably need a support service that just lets me yell loudly into the air and move on 🙂 but not sure that exists 🙂 

I have tried carers gateway but apart from a lengthy info gathering call it will take a week or so for them to be able to call back 

it’s actually just good to get it out so thank you for reading 

[PizzaMondo]

My absolute pleasure @sunshine33 🙂
I am glad that your short time here already has been positive and that you're feeling supported! ❤️

Sounds like at the moment you're in survival mode - as you said, you know the oxygen mask is meant to go on you first, but right now your focus is just to get through each day in the way you know best.

I can imagine the possibility of becoming the sole provider for your family may be daunting, but I truly believe that if you are supported, whether that is through SANE, our forums and other external supports, that you hopeuflly will be able to stay afloat and find the best ways to support yourself and your fmily in this time.

It's OK to not be OK and I know when we are in crisis mode, or have to get into it, we often forget or struggle to express ourselves (i.e. unable to express empathy/sympathy, whilst we still have it!)

I'm glad you have reached out to carer's gateway but sorry it's a bit of a wait to hear back.. I am wondering if you've ever seeked support from our counsellors on the SANE support line? They are literally there waiting fo you to come and yell loudly (okay maybe not yell loudly!) but express what you need into the air through the phone and then move on. Someone to just listen, and it's free! We're open 10am-8pm AEDT Mon-Fri (except public holidays), so I'd encourage you to give us a buzz too sometime on 1800 187 263

Other than that, have you ever reached out to other phone supports such as Lifeline, Beyond Blue, friendline? They are not carer specific, but for immediate support, yes 🙂 some of them even have webchat or txting available!

[NatureLover]

Hi @sunshine33 , I like your username! Welcome 🙂

Can you also post your post above on SANE's Friends, Family and Carers Forum? That way you might get some More advice from people who have been /are in your situation, hopefully... There is also a link at the top of the page here, under "Forums Community" and under "Forums Home" a bit further down the page too.

I hope you find the forums supportive 🙂