Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Daphne]

Oh wow @Adge that sounds fabulous. I admire your commitment of 8 years, what a beautiful investment in SELF.

[Lauz]

As we head towards the end of the night - lets get to the our last question! @Spirit1 @Adge @Fracturedlight @Shaz51 @Teej @outlander @light87 

Maintaining and looking after your own identity while maintaining your relationship with your loved one can be difficult. What are the things that you could do that can help you connect with yourself?  Asking yourself what are my needs?

[Shaz51]

This is a helpful strategy to alleviate that sense of urgency.-- yes because mr shaz gets soo overwhelmed soo easy @Daphne 

i try to only do a couple of things at a time or else it gets tooo stressful for him

[Daphne]

@Teej So good to be able to be transparent and set some boundaries around your friendship. This is important as otherwise you can get really enmeshed  in each others lives rather than being able to differentiate and have those boundaries.

[Lauz]

@Carer01 ! Missed tagging you apologies! 🧡

[Adge]

Yes asking myself "What are my needs"? is a good starting point @Lauz

That's because I do have trouble identifying (or responding to) my needs, quite often.

Journal writing (how I'm feeling etc) helps me to "Connect with myself", I think.

I'm not sure what else might help...

Adge

[Spirit1]

@Lauz  I find walking and enjoying nature clears my mind and calms me which enables me to carry on without feeling overwhelmed.

[Daphne]

Carers or family and friends can become so enmeshed in their loved ones life that they find it difficult  to     know who they are anymore. If you ask yourself what is my purpose if  I’m constantly responding  to someone elses needs, it can be difficult to know who you are.    Having an interest or passion that is completely your own and that can help you to connect with others  that have the same passion, can be really helpful. Joining a group  where you can be active and get out of your head, a walking or running group. Setting yourself some goals that  can give you a sense of achieving something can be very useful too. You don’t have to start big, you can start small.   Breaking out of the rut you’re in can be helpful to, challenge yourself to do one thing that is different for you on a certain day. It can be anything at all. Develop a routine or rhythm   each day that gives you the message that  my day begins with  ME, whether that ‘s going for a walk or having a cuppa on your own

[Fracturedlight]

I notice that when im helping other people Boundaries and checking in with yourself is important...that you cant control their behaviours or save them essentially but rather guide them gently to see the strength in themselves. Planting seeds so they can grow and nuture them. Of course im quick to say all this rather then listen to myself...lol...it's always easier to help others than help yourself.

[outlander]

as for your last question @Lauz
I don't really know. I guess just try to do the things you like to do.