Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[NikNik]

Well that brings us to our last question for the night - I have learnt so much tonight, it makes me realise how much there is to know about OCD and how much it can vary person to person.

@Tim_H and anyone else who wants to have a crack, do you think people without OCD really understand the disorder? You've all done an amazing job explaining your experiences tonight - how do you typically try and explain OCD to others?

[Unqualified]

@Tim_H, did you ever go through a stage where you wanted to hide your OCD, especially before getting treatment? My partner hid it for a year out of shame, then when I broke down and begged him to tell me what was wrong, he told me.

Only this year have I made the realisation that my mum also has it, and always has. I have mentioned it to my dad, but he said, if he raised that, she'd divorce him! I haven't mentioned it to her, because I'm pretty sure she would tell me to never come back. She is terrified of counsellors and psychs, etc. She even warned me when I've taken my kids to see counsellors, that 'they will trick them into saying things, and then they'll take your kids away'.

Also, if you ever did feel a need to keep your OCD hidden, what changed that for you?

[Tim_H]

Welcome Sherry !

[Former-Member]

@Unqualified
Due to complex MI, Mr Darcy us up to his 16th medication (to clarify -not concurrent). He does go to a therapist who seems to only do mindfulness, he tells me that she has not given him any coping mechanisms. Getting Mr Darcy stable after a period of crisis which involved attempts was the initial aim of his treatment. Now that has happened, his anxieties might be able to be better addressed. I did put on a CD that his therapist gave him but he fell to sleep. He will go to therapy but I don't think the method is helpful.

[Unqualified]

@Former-Member, my partner didn't find it helpful in the early days, either. He couldn't sit still because his anxiety was through the roof. We had  a PHAMS worker at the time who told us she believed it was cruel to try to force it when they're not ready. I tend to agree, despite being aware of how much it can calm a person down.

Falling asleep to it is good! It's a start 🙂

[Tim_H]

I have certainly been ashamed and embarrassed about my 'strange thoughts' and behaviors over the years, and still can be at times. As it's just not something you discuss. Stigma causes so many problems !

But after many years of suffering in silence I'd had enough. Although I must say the main reason I started to talk to others was that I had no choice... My OCD was that severe it was crunch time !

[Unqualified]

Thanks 🙂 I do believe fighting stigma is a crucial part of helping people in general to feel ok about asking for help 🙂

My mum's OCD has reached crisis point now that she is physically unable to clean anymore. She used to clean 14 hours a day, and a few years ago she had a stroke and is now immobile. Her way of coping is to involve family members in her rituals. It's really hard to watch a family member be so against professional help. I know she's very unhappy.

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Tim_H

[Former-Member]

Thanks for the welcome @Tim_H, and I am sorry I couldnt be here sooner.  Although I am a carer to my husband, OCD is not one of his many ailments.  Its something I experience myself.  

I developed it, probably as a coping mechanism, after experiencing a trauma and developing PTSD.  It has been with me since, but to varying degrees.  It seems to come and go in intensity.  When my PTSD symptoms are bad and I'm triggered, the OCD definitely comes into play again.

Mostly I have learned that I just have to accept it, because to fight it, only makes it worse.

It is not something I discuss with anyone else.  I try my  best to hide it from everyone or at least to 'normalise' it and laugh it off as best I can if others do notice.  My husband often chips me with some of the things he occasionally notices me doing, and that hurts.  So I guess I am getting good at covering it up these days. Practice makes perfect, as its been with me now for around 20 years.

I enjoyed reading your experiences, insight and information that you have provided here tonight.  So thankyou.  Thanks also to @NikNik

Sherry

[Tim_H]

Thanks NikNik,

I know many people with OCD think others don't understand. There is most likely a limit to how much others can truly understand.

The constant and intense nature of my obsessive thoughts, and the significant distress they cause is something I try to remind people of. And also the many different ways compulsions can be made. Particularly the fact compulsions can be purely mental