Lived Experience Forum

[Newmama]

Thank you @Former-Member it is helpful even just to have someone acknowledge the challenges I am experiencing. My partner and I have talked (and cried) about how we feel but it has also been hard due to other stressors on her at the moment. I was very pleased when she told me last night that she bought the book 'Becoming Us' and has started reading it. It had been recommended to me also but I hadn't gotten around to buying it or mentioning it to her. I was heartened that she took that initiative and I hope it helps us. Thanks again for your response, it's very validating.

[2angels]

It was a huge experience. Although I had terrific community mental health supports I still had an episode. We only have one private mums and bubs unit in nsw and it was a fantastic experience (as much as anything can be when your psychotic and having ECT) - it had a course that ran - all mother's with severe depression or psychosis should have access to this - maitaining a bond with their newborn while sick. It was so significant to have my darling daughter with me and the help of the nurses - so important for my child to be bonding with her primary carer. All babies deserve this support - not just those whose parents can afford it.  I continue to have mental health support and am writing a blog to share my experiences so that others don't feel so alone.

[NikNik]

Hi @2angels

Thanks so much for sharing a bit about the mums and bub unit and your experiences with that.

I have heard of those courses - but it's awesome to hear first hand what they are like.

[PANDA]

The transition from a couple to a 'family' is not openly talked about @Newmama so we can be really caught off guard when the mutual love for a baby does not translate to a really happy, content, high functioning 'us'.

This is one of the myths that can make the challenges seem like personal failings or flaws.

I am so glad that you were able to share tonight and have your experiences validated... there is often nothing more powerful xx

I hope you both enjoy 'Becoming Us'. Remember that talking things through can help, often with someone who is not personally involved. You can always phone the PANDA Helpline for a chat wtih a counsellor.

[Former-Member]

That must be so hard, @Pocoyo, when you are giving so much love to your baby, and trying so hard to make your relationship work. I really am saddened to hear that you are feeling insecure and unloved! That is so unfair. 

I am glad to hear that you feel safe, and am wondering if there might be some part of your day to day life that you can dedicate to your own wellbeing and happiness? You don't sound like you are getting the nurturing you might need at this time from your partner, and I wonder how else this can happen for you. 

There are different ways to start spending a little time focusing on the person you are and perhaps the parent you are. Art and music therapy, social groups, counselling, planned time with friends or doing something you enjoy. 

Relationship counselling can also help if there are things you really feel you need to say, but are unable to due to your partner's reactions and the busyness of everyday life. PANDA can help you find some great services like these in your local area. 

[PANDA]

Hi @2angels so wonderful to hear of positive experiences in a Mother Baby Unit. Many mums who need an admission are scared, not knowing what to expect. Sharing your experience is so powerful. Thank you.

If only all parents across Australia had equal access to public Mother Baby Units.

[Former-Member]

Also, @2angels, it is just so wonderful to hear that you have a blog that you use to share what you have been through.

This is the best way to help other new parents feel less alone, less guilty, less shameful and for you to share with those who are struggling that seeking help is the best way to start feeling better.

Good on you!

[2angels]

It was incredibly difficult to get admitted and I was told many mums have been turned away. Shame so few options for so many in need who will be without their child otherwise 😞

[2angels]

yes I agree there is a lot of shame that goes with not living up to the magic that is supposed to be motherhood and people often keep difficulties hidden. Sometimes you just don't have a choice... Luckily I now have some lovely mothers who are also upfront about their experiences where motherhood is neither necessarily intuitive or easy.  Having friendly supports - professional and friends - is so important to get through this tough time. It gets better....

[PANDA]