Lived Experience Forum

[Shaz51]

Hello @Former-Member, @NikNik, @PANDA

[Former-Member]

Hi @Shaz51!

Welcome and thanks for joining us 🙂

[Newmama]

Similar to smurpette, I'm finding my relationship with my partner one of the hardest things to manage. I have a 6 month old who has only ever slept in my arms (or someone else's, but usually mine) or beside me in bed, until the last few weeks when I can feed her to sleep at night and get back out for bed for a little while. My partner says she felt so left out in the early days and now we have time together she can't just 'flick the switch' to enjoy each other and connect. It does seem to be VERY slowly improving but I'm struggling with it, and feeling quite down. It's so hard to separate what feelings are reactive re:relationship woes, and what might actually be anxiety. I'm planning on seeing a GP and getting a mental health plan in order to get some counselling, any other tips?

[PANDA]

Hi @2angels

Thanks for joining us tonight, it is great to hear from you.

It really depends what State in Australia you live in.If you live in VIC there are several public options (WA there are 2, SA there is 1) in the other states it is tricker if you don't have private health insurance with psychiatric cover. As you say though, all located in majoy cities.

When we can't access MBU beds we work with local services from Psychiatric triage to emergency departments and GPs to advocate for families to be provided with mental health assessment and care taking into account pregnancy or a new baby. 

[Pocoyo]

They are not back to normal because our living situation became a bit more complicated and still is. We are able to function on a friendly level, not as many arguments and such. But I have basically blocked out my expectation for affection , intimacy. I know when he is in his moods and To stay away, but at times, I can't control my emotions and I press the issue or force him to talk, which almost always lands up in a heated argument. So not great at the moment. We are working at the moment because of the coping mechanisms I have put in place to prevent putting him in a 'bad mood'

It weighs on me at times but I feel that I need to stay strong for my daughter. Sorry for the essay, hope it makes sense. @PANDA

[2angels]

I was in a public psychiatric unit for 4 weeks because I was too sick to go to the private mum's and bubs unit. I saw my baby everyday in a room that we couldn't leave, with my ex. I wasn't given the option of continuing breast-feeding although there were platitudes and then I was told stopping breast feeding was my choice - I was totally psychotic - how could I make a choice?!

[Former-Member]

Hi @Newmama, congratulations on your little one, and thanks so much for sharing.

It sounds like it has been quite hard for you to hear that your partner has been feeling left out, and that she can't enjoy the time you have together when you do... You must be really wanting to connect with your partner at this time. 

It takes time for each person to adjust to parenthood, and the reactions of each parent can differ so much. Have you been able to have a conversation with your partner about how she is feeling and what you need at this time? 

I think seeing your GP and linking in with some perinatal focused therapy via a mental health care plan sounds like a wonderful first step. If you are wondering whether you are experiencing some perinatal anxiety, the GP is a really great place to start. It can be helpful to make a list of your symptoms and how long they have been happening for before you go, and get the most out of your appointment. 

[PANDA]

It certainly does make sense @Pocoyo. I can hear and feel how lonely and exhausting it is to not have any expectations, make every effort not to 'put him in a bad mood' and take on the full weight of wanting to 'stay strong for your daughter'. 

Relationship challenges are a common (yet very painful) outcome of persistent perinatal anxiety and depression. No one is a winner really when this happens. 

I wonder if you ever feel unsafe in your relationship @Pocoyo?

[Former-Member]

It sounds like you have been through so much, @2angels. 

I can only imagine the impact these experiences had on the beginning of your parenthood journey. 

Have you been able to talk to someone about this since? 

[Pocoyo]

@PANDA It is very exhausting and only just a chapter of the many other 'issues' going on in my life at the moment. I am coping but feel the need to talk to someone.

No, I never feel unsafe in my relationship just insecure and unappreciated/unloved