Lived Experience Forum

[LostAngel]

Ive mostly been doing ok but today Ive found myself angry ,possibly stemming from fear and worry ,was yelling today and generally mooody all day ,possibly hormanal but also finances are an annoyance ,just angry ,moody possibly trigggored by something today that was asked of me and not sure what to do about it or how it can be a past triggor stirring up old worries and old wounds just moody ,have eaten food and done what can for self care ,cups of tea of course and rest at home maybe a sign of depression again ,anger usually makes me want to yell ect just yeah thats where Im at today , might try watching a movie ,just a question is it possible with having past trauma in regards to controlling people that you can misconsue or mis Judge when trying to difrenciate between someone being controlling and someone just asking or being protective of you ? is it hard moving forward to acertain the difference between protectedness and control cause to me it can both look the same and stir up deep seated fear/anger of what peoples intentions may be hope that makes sense to someone ? maybe feeling triggored makes me feel sacred,worried,angry but when there is no ill intention,hypervigilance maybe ? fear of saying no to people ? might watch a movie 

[MissA]

I don't experience anger as part of depression. But I hope you are able to relax and feel happier again soon. Enjoy the movie - distraction can be useful for calming down emotions I have found 🙂

[Jynx]

@LostAngel hmm a tricky question, but I think it may come down to boundaries. A protective person will respect your boundaries, a controlling person won't. If someone is trying to push you towards a certain behaviour and you say no, do they respect your wishes or do they keep pushing? 

Having a history with this can certainly make hypervigilence a factor, and that can make it very tricky - especially if it has resulted in a fear of saying no. That could be something to work on, in therapy or just for yourself; practicing saying no, perhaps just to safe/trusted people at first. You could even let them know that it is something you're working on, so they are aware of it and can be supportive of the process (e.g. being extra respectful if you say no to them, or even helping you get some practice by asking things of you that you can say no to, idk stuff like that). 

Certainly good that you can recognise these things so that you can then begin to work on them. 

[LostAngel]

Thanks @Jynx mush apreciated hmm that does make me think I can possibly try saying no to particular people and think of the word no as a way to see if people are doing one or either of those things that should then show that my boundaries of saying no can and will be respected those who dont accept are not respecting me ,I like the way youve put things in a easy to understand format thanks so much although you are definetly right saying no is kind of part of the fundamental issue as my mind will sway on thinking the worst case scenario instead of the best case scenario when I feel like disagreeing with others but cant make myself outrightly say no, and that does bring up the case of boundaries asking myself wether I have made boundaries clear or do expect people to mind read and then only when they step on my boundaries wether Im maybe finding it too uncomftable to outrightly say thay have and so then underneath my persona of kindness Im resenting others for stepping on boundaries I havnt even told them about which brings me to a gret question figuring out yet again what my personal boundaries are to begin with and how to effectively communicate that info with others so they can better understand hnmm I kind of have a clearer idea now of what to do , fear of reactions of saying no is also clearly part of this ,thank you for taking time and thought with this glad someone does understand where Im coming from 

[scruffypuffball]

@LostAngel i know the feeling.  I havent had the best week.  I was a carer for so long and doing it on my own was tough.  You can really become overwhelmed and then controlling your emotions is pointless.  I found for me, my therapist said try and calm yourself before you get to 10, say at 5.  So i tried that and it never worked.  Now looking back I just had to feel that frustration and express it.  It is inevitable if you are overwhelmed 😞 it is so hard.  Try and be gentle with yourself.  You are doing your best.