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New Contributor

Walking on eggshells

Hi there,

I just found this forum & it is refreshing to read all the stories! I came here looking for answers I guess. Just to confirm what I already knew.....that my partner definitely has some form of mental disorder. I have related to so many different stories! 

I believe my partners issues have been a result of using deugs from such a young age! I should have seen the signs 18 years ago when we first got together! He has never trusted me, blames me for everything. He once believed that his parents had bought me to ruin his life!! He thinks I’m having an affair with everyone which I am certainly not & never have. He really does think I am this horrible human. He has very high ups & extremely low lows! For example earlier today we chatted on the phone & he was perfectly fine! I advised him I was still at work (30 mins over my clock off time) and I was going to the gym.....I get home from the gym & his mood was grumpy & was extremely rude to me....like out if no where! I suspect he thinks I was off having an affair or plotting something!

He has recently had 2 appointments with a pysch, however the appointments are so far a part! His last appointment was on Friday! After his appointment he seemed so grumpy! He told me that it was my fault he was feeling that way because he had opened up to the pysch & I was the one who made him go (which isn’t the case).

i guess I am just looking on ways to cope! I am not sure how longer I can do this! We have a 12 year old son, who I don’t want  him to see this anymore!

any coping advise is much appreciated 

3 REPLIES 3
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Re: Walking on eggshells

hello @AlmostDone  and welxcome to the forum 

letting you know you are not alone my friend xx

@Determined@Appleblossom@Darcy@Faith-and-Hope@nashy 

how are you today , keep sharing my friend 

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Re: Walking on eggshells

@Shaz51  Thank you for your support! Today had been a rough day! He was all good throughout the day via sms! However as I was late home from work, it has triggered him again! He was quite cold when I walked in the door, asked why I was late (I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was paranoid). I told him I didn’t finish until 5:20pm & then I quickly stopped at chemist warehouse to look for a bronzer (sadly none that suited my skin tone) and I walked in the door at 6pm! From where I was working today it’s at least a 20 drive in peak hour. Anyway he asked why I was lying to him, he stated he knew I was lying & have been lying about something. I asked him what I was lying about & he said he didn’t know! He couldn’t tell me! It’s really hard because no matter what I say he  uses it against me! I feel like I always have to chose my words carefully but regardless he finds something in what I’m saying to question it!  I’m always defending myself for no reason! How much longer can I keep doing this???

 

i told him that I think he is having an episode....but he obviously does not see it that way! Should I not say this?? Because in his world it’s all real when it obviously isn’t the case! 

 

I need help....what is the best way to answer his questions??

 

I am thankful I found this forum

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Re: Walking on eggshells

Hi @AlmostDone and welcome to the forums.

 

I experienced some of these behaviours with my now-estranged husband.  I really feel for you ..... 

 

We had a lot of other things going on that are not a part of what is happening for you, but I would encourage you to firm up your own personal boundaries, with something like, "I'm sorry, but it's not okay to talk to me / treat me that way" and walk off into another room.  Similarly to training a child, you can keep placing a boundary and expect it to be upheld.  

If he is being cold or moody with you, yuh have the right to remove yourself from the situation, or simply ignore it and get on with something else you would like to do.

 

A response like, "I'm sorry to hear you feel that way" shifts responsibility for how he is feeling, or how he is choosing to respond, back to him.

 

These strategies won't fix everything, and certainly not overnight, but they are about personal empowerment when you are being disempowered, and it may help you to begin reaching for other resources around what is happening.

 

Consider how you might feel if your best friend was saying things like this about her relationship .... what would you say to her ?

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