Lived Experience Forum

[Powderfinger]

@SJT63 

I'm sorry you dread a holiday that you used to love. I do hope that someone or something makes it brighter for you this year. Perhaps buy him.a Christmas shirt with the Grinch on it. It would suit him well I think. 

Love to you. X ♥️

[Powderfinger]

Just not coping. Want to break down crying every day, multiple times a day. It doesn't matter how much I express myself and telling what I'm feeling and going through, nobody seems to get it nor wants to support me. It happens often, what you do for others never means they will do the same for you. 

Even I'm scared of myself because I know how bad it's gotten for me. I'm really struggling to understand what I feel. I'm having conversations in my head because I have no one to talk to. When I realise I'm doing it, I stop. Every day is hell. 

[Maggie]

@Powderfinger  I’m really sorry things are so hard for you. You are right, often people don’t get it, get you, nor return support. That’s not the good news of the day, just the real stuff, unfortunately.

I don’t have any advice, I just know what it feels like.

Sending some ❣️❣️❣️ and hearing you with more than eyes and ears.

[Powderfinger]

@Maggie 

Good to hear from.you. in a way, I'm sorry you feel what I said in your soul. In some ways not sorry too because someone is actually truly hearing me and knows what I mean. 

I'm thinking this needs an overhaul, long overdue and stop trying the old ways so I feel heard and understood. For many years, I've been on the mental health bandwagon. Have you got a therapist, what do you do for fun? Are you in medication, does it need to be re assess? Are you safe, so on, so on and so on. Argh it just makes my ears bleed and I want to just stop interacting. Addressing everything that's been taken care of but the real need. 

I also think it's important to stop turning to the people who I actually should not be talking to about it because nothing fruitful comes of it for me or them, and talk to people who actually do want to know! 

Out with the old, in with the new. 

Sending love to you Maggie ♥️💚🧡

[Anastasia]

I hear you @Powderfinger and I am truly sorry.

Why is it so hard to get help?

We have a broken arm. Dr fixes it. Mental health is just so much more complex and it is sooooooooo difficult being heard. For that and all that you are suffering I am sorry. I do hope that something gives and soon. You are worthy of that. Hold tight, I'm walking with you hun.

Sending you an abundance of strength, love and hope... always 💞🤗🙏🌻💞

((((( @Maggie ))))) always have you in my thoughts, hope you are ok? 🌺🌸💞🙏❣️

[Maggie]

@Powderfinger  I’ve had things rattling around in my head, hoping to write a decent post in reply. It looks like they will remain stuck there for now.

I’ve been changed by suffering, changed in all areas of my life, I don’t seem to ‘ fit’ anywhere. Whatever ‘fit’ means.

For what it’s worth, I’m hearing you, wishing it was different for you, and like @Anastasia  walking with you, even with a limp. Sending 💙💙💙💙

@Anastasia  Thankyou. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 Just making it through of late, one step forward, three back, with a trip over the three back. Lots of these for you. 💕💕💕

[Powderfinger]

@Anastasia 

Factually and honestly it is all an entire crock of sh......t. I'm not going to bang on and waste my time regarding the mental health system. It's an argument that has had its flogging, is still being flogged and nothing has changed. I do not have any faith in the "system". 

The same bulls....it question are asked millions of time over and nothing resolved. 

So, this is my stance now. No, I do not need more medication. My brain us not a result of being unbalanced cause it's not producing something. My brain us unbalanced, confused and traumatised from too much exposure of trauma from the age of six up until 40 years of age. Very simple, yet made complicated. I do not have a disorder, it's a result of the aforementioned, anyone's brain would be quite a mess. 

No one has ever provided a solution for me to be able to move forward, nor worked with me, just given recommendations of what they think I'd best for me because they have a "degree" and soooo many years of experience in the field. That means NOTHING. My voice and my degree of life means I more than likely know a lot better than you and I could teach you something. You prefer to see it as "non compliant" with treatment, I see it as robbing me if my dignity as a human being. Having CPTS does not mean I lost my intelligence. Learn the difference. 

As mentioned am I interested in the system? Not ever a chance in a blue moon. Indefinitely. 

Another thing. People listen BUT they do not hear. In this case, talking is a waste of my time. Some people just refuse to learn and grow. Not my problem and I won't have my time wasted. 

Support, what the heck even is it. You ask and you don't get it. Time and time again it's been shown to me, do not lean on anyone, lean on yourself. At times I am the only one that can give me what I need. More often than not it is the case. 

Not every solution is dependant in mental health services nor the system. There are many other things out there, other than the mental health system. Read books that have other beliefs and approaches. Sometimes it's necessary to wipe the old completely, and move onto the new. 

Fu...K the system Not interested. 

Thank you for walking with me. I have therapy today. 

[Powderfinger]

@Maggie 

It's ok. I understand. Your presence and comment is enough. I'm sorry you are facing difficulties at the moment. Suffering does change you. I don't believe there is such a thing as ever fitting in. Life is to fluid and ever moving for that. I stopped trying to find where I fit a long time ago now. 

Sending love to you. 🧡💚♥️🌷

[Anastasia]

I hear you @Powderfinger 💞

@Maggie I have always been a square peg in a round hole, hugs and hugs 💞

[Powderfinger]

@Anastasia 

🌷♥️