Lived Experience Forum

[oceangirl]

@Zoe7

[Mazarita]

@Zoe7   

[Shaz51]

@Zoe7

[Zoe7]

I am so tired! I can't function even though I slept last night. I feel like a child again - small, vulnerable, scared, empty. I want to it to stop, for the pain to disappear, for the memories to fade and for my life to have some meaning. I try - I do everything asked of me - and more - so why is it not helping - why do I still want to leave this world - why do I still feel so defeated and worthless. Even amongst the glimmers of hope the bigger picture reveals itself - and it is dark and empty - there is no colour, no shapes, no life present. Why would anyone want to be part of that picture - it is a lonely place with nothing to hold on to!

[Pepsimax]

Oh @Zoe7 I feel for you but you are not alone I am here and others too @Zoe we all love and care about you even if I am not on the forum I'm still thinking of you keep plugging away as you are love you pepsimax

[Zoe7]

Darkness is knocking at my door, seeping through the cracks, slowly climbing the walls and filling the space around me. Alone I sit in my own despair- no light can be seen, no light can be let in - the darkness is too strong.

All feeling has gone - the pain is replaced by numbness. Each memory is another shadow in the darkness and another reason to give in. The darkness is winning - it is taking the oxygen from around me as I struggle to breathe, as I struggle to fight. The end seems closer but I am no longer scared. If I give in to the darkness this will all be over and peace can take it's place.

[Zoe7]

My wings are battered, bruised and broken. I can no longer see the light - there is only darkness. I do not have the strength to raise my wings to let others know I am here. I want to fade into the night and disappear from view without anyone knowing. The darkness that has tormented me may now become my friend - and my friend will help set me free.

[Eden1919]

@Zoe7 (((HUGS)))  sorry you are feeling so bad still  

[girl99]

@Zoe7

I'm in the darkness too and it's a hard place to be.  Do you feel worse at night?  Does the actual night time darkness make things seem harder to deal with?   Do you have a funny movie you can watch or a nice song you like to listen to that might pick you up a bit?  I understand how you feel. The earth is a tough place to be.  I have been seeing a spiritual healer who said the energy on earth is very dense and our emotions feel so overwhelming here.  Try not to let your emotions control you - let them just pass through you if you can. Your emotions are just but one part of you although they feel so large and heavy.  I hope you feel better soon.

[Zoe7]

@girl99 I have massive problems with the night time. That is not just the darkness but my fears around sleep and not waking up. There is not much that can pick meup atm - even tried my favourite comedy series on dvd and I couldn't watch it. I am in a very dark, lonely place and really struggling to even care.

I hope it gets better for you though @girl99