Lived Experience Forum

[Queenie]

I learned they DON'T like crowded shopping malls. I feel really rattled now. They were awful. I could hear people calling my name from all directions. Even now I am home in the quiet, they are chattering away. I don't even understand why they have stirred up right now. The stress from the ceremony and honeymoon is over, life is back to 'normal', I'm taking meds as prescribed... why why why?

I feel like I can't tell anyone in real life because I'm under the guise of being 'well'. I don't want to spoil things and now especially since my other half is going to carers counselling because of me, I don't want them to have more ammo against me and decide to send me away for respite against my will. 

I dunno what to do at the moment. I just feel confused and tormented.

[Pepsimax]

@Queenie you seem to have the voices a lot I get voices when I am extremely stressed they make me paranoid too

[Kurra]

@Queenie You know how important it is to talk openly and be honest. Can you speak with your Mrs and explain that large malls are a trigger for you?

[Queenie]

@Pepsimax I get very little reprieve from voices. I had a good run where they were tolerable, but now they are back again with gusto.

@Kurra I am going to have to have the conversation. The stupidity behind it all, it was my suggestion to go to the mall alone (I can browse shops without feeling guilty about walking around shops I like). So all in all, it's my own stupid fault really. I also don't want to her carers counsellor to have ammunition against me. I am trying my best to prove that I am a capable human being and that there isn't really any need for respite at this stage. 

[Pepsimax]

I really do feel for you @Queenie

[Kurra]

Can you let your Mrs know that you're fully aware when you need respite znd ask her to trust your judgement. You need a partner not a gaol warden.

[Queenie]

@Kurra I think the gaol warden is this new carers counsellor. She is really putting a spanner in the works so to speak. My Mrs doesn't like the thought of me going to respite at all, but she is being pushed to 'look after her needs more' by sending me regularly, even when I neither of us need it. It's kinda strange. I have no say in what she says either. 

I've decided to make an appointment with my psychologist and pay the full amount (which is about $240 per hour) just to get my point across. My psychologist said she'd help me communicate my needs to this counsellor. 

It's just turned into a thing where communication isn't happening. I don't think that is good for my Mrs and my relationship at all.

[Kurra]

That is alarming @Queenie! Is there any other carer counsellor that your Mrs can see. Seems to me as if you're being relegated to the back seat. Yes please do see your psychologist asap. You are neither goods or chattels. You're a living breathing wonderful human being. Hugzzz 💕

[Queenie]

@Kurra I'll see how this appointment with my psychologist goes on Thursday and go from there. I think the carer's counsellor is under some sort of weird ego trip or something. I can tell you, her demeanor towards me changed as soon as she found out I had a mental health condition. I am always polite to her, but she completely ignores me and speaks only to my Mrs. If you ask me, she isn't a good representation of her organisation at all!  If this continues to cause problems, I'll ask the Mrs to see someone else. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she's going and if she lets off steam and has a rant about me to her counsellor that's fine. I rant here so I'm not one-sided. I know I'm not perfect and don't pretend to be. It's just this stupid pushing my Mrs into things she doesn't want to do which is bothering me.

[Kurra]

Yes it bothers me too @Queenie. Thinking of you lass. 💕