Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

Hi all,

As some already know we have a real crisis situation with our daughter, 21 yrs old, who has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and bi-polar. Currently she is self medicating with drugs. She has landed herself in hot water with the taxation department over unpaid taxes that is accruing interest daily. I advise to ring them and explain her MI issues and ask for help with a repayment plan otherwise she could end up in court and jail. The debt is getting so huge she won't won't be able to ever pay it.

Her reaction to my advice and help is to "go away". She is not reacting normally. I am at my wits end and this is taking a huge toll on my physical health. I don't know what I can do. Can someone offer advice please of what is best to do in this situation?

[Grasshopper3]

@Former-Member

I'm sorry you have to go through this, and I hear your despair. 

I would say to you, it's her life, her journey, sometimes people with MI want to be locked up for a little while....even a jailterm if necessary. Your daughter is not coping with everyday life, and is self medicating to stop the hurt.

In the meantime, keep breathing and meditate, it's about you staying strong and just be there for when she asks for your help and advice.

Thinking of you,

xx

[Former-Member]

Thank you @Grasshopper3 It is a despairing situation. I should be well and truly detached from it by now. Most would of put her out but I just can't make her homeless. Some say that is what it will take for her to gain the motivation to help herself. But what if she hurts herself? This is so hard for me to watch. Your post does make sense to me though. I do t think she is too worried about going to jail. For me that would be like facing hell head on.

I don't know what it will take for her to seek proper help. No, she isn't coping with life. The part that is hard for me to understand is that she had every opportunity and the love to have a good one. Being a survivor of childhood abuse myself I just don't understand why she doesn't want help. Why she doesn't appreciate her parents as I would of given anything to have that love. I know we aren't enough for her and that's okay - I wish someone would come along and care about her, someone she will listen to that has her well being at heart. Wishful thinking I know but probably typical for a mother. I just want her to be happy, okay. I don't need her to love me.

She just goes to the users and abusers and keeps allowing it. And I don't understand. I would of had enough and rather be alone.  Thank you for your compassion. Hugs xxx

[Former-Member]

Hey @Former-Member
bphope.com is a website where patients with bipolar relate their experiences, I have found these helpful.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member

How have you been going? Hope life has been treating you and hubby well. Thanks for the link - I will have a look xx

[patientpatient]

Hi @Former-Member,

Have you considered getting an accountant to sort out your daughter's tax? ATO give accountants more time to submit returns, for example, and they can negotiate. Alternatively, you could ask a community legal service for advice.

I understand the comment that it's her life etc. My experience (with a different MI) is that the hole just gets deeper and there's no one else to help dig them out. There's probably an "in between" balanced option but I haven't managed to find it yet.

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member

Things relatively steady here, thanks. Here are a couple of other links that might help you.

Here is a short 15 min talk gives 4 good strategies to help when MI enters family.

https://youtu.be/NRO0-JXuFMY

I have been recommended a book by Xavier Amador "I am Not Sick, I Do Not Need Help"
His focus is how to get a patient to accept help when they cannot see or accept they have a mental health problem.

I have not read the book but have watched his lectures on YouTube and others might find his approach helpful.

Part 1:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lstn6WNnCRc

Part 2:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VxiBgq5G-cI

This is a coping method that the Qld mental health resources for carers website suggests.

http://mhr4c.com.au/coping-strategies/the-leap-approach/

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member
Checking in to see how you are going.
Darcy

[Former-Member]

Thank you @patientpatient - I am currently seeking to act on your advice with an accountant and community legal advice (I actually work for the community centre), re my daughter's tax situation. Hopefully it's not too late.

Thank you @Former-Member for asking after me as this week I have been struggling. Seeing my daughter like this has retriggered grief and depression has been beginning to rear it's head with me now. But there is good news. Daughter went to her GP to go back on bi-polar medication. She is trying to stay away from self medicating on drugs now admitting she was off the rails. She went back to the gym and is talking respectively to us again. This has only just occurred and she isn't out of the woods yet. We are all hoping she can keep doing this. We are supporting her efforts and she knows we are please she is acting more positively. She is trying. So a corner has turned, we just have to pray against a relapse time will tell. 

I do hope she manages to make a better circle of friends - when she declared giving up drugs they were offering them her for free. They truly want to see her go down. At least so far she has rejected these offers. She needs one or two real friends who respect her and won't hurt her. If I could have one wish these people will fall into her path. She is deep down a caring loyal person to friends nad serves better than be used and abused all the time because she is mentally weak.

[Former-Member]

Hey @Former-Member

That is good news, but understand the nature of the disorder. there are some really good positive resources for bipolar including

bphope.com and http://freshhope.us

(Note: the second site is a Christian one but super helpful, has helpful stuff for both patients and carers. It gave me hope that we can live well despite a mental health diagnosis.)