I’m bored.. + some random thoughts

[Blackcloud]

@rav3n @yes there is a club for Cambodians at my university and I’ve signed up for it last year, but I only attended their welcome party event so far and a lot of them I’ve met there are nice and at least one was just..awkward.

….but none of them except this one girl (she was the only one that came up to me a few times and was the only one that made me feel comforttable) were friendly to the point where they would consider coming up to me to make me feel comfortable and belonged when I was sitting alone at the time…., even though Cambodians are considered the “friendliest” people…

I honestly feel like if Cambodians want to still maintain their reputation as being the friendliest people out of all Asians, then I think all of them should at least consider going up to someone (like myself) that’s alone and try to make them feel comfortable and that they’re a part of their group, instead of just either walking past them and ignoring them or just talking to each other about them (for example, me) and then only looking at me for a bit but never considered coming up to me.

The other events that they’ve held sometime after that that I wasn’t (and still not) even interested in. They hold events like a few times a year.

with your last question, not really at this stage and I only think this way about dating because I’m also aware that in relationships there’s people that get cheated/dumped on by their partners too..

[rav3n]

ooo that's really cool that they had that at your uni!!! it's really nice that you met a few people through that. @Blackcloud 

i guess that's the thing about reputations/stereotypes, society creates them and pressures people into that bracket, and if they don't fit it, they get mistreated or considered an 'outsider'. i'm guessing a lot of ppl in that group are probably like you, not trying to fit the stereotype and live their own lives following more 'western' views?

i think that the person who initiated the convo with you seems like a really lovely person! i do get sometimes it can be 'clique-y' where people already know each other and are set in their groups, so they're less likely to initiate a convo with you which can suck 😕 but a thing to remember is, sometimes people have a fear of rejection and second-guess initiating stuff, and it's not a reflection of you! i've had moments where i wished someone had come up to me and started a convo, and later on they told me that they never did because i seemed like i wanted to be alone or that i gave off an 'independent/serious' vibe that scared them off...which made me LOL cos i did not realise i had that vibe... i thought i looked anxious and lonely 😆 

also do you tend to go out of your way to initiate convos with others and make others feel included? this was something my psych actually asked me once, because i felt similar to you - i felt like people could see i was alone and didn't care enough to befriend me. but then she asked me... do i go up to others when they're alone and strike up a convo? and do i make an effort to talk first rather than wait for others? (to which i said no to both) and then she asked me why i was expecting them to go above and beyond for me when i wouldn't for them? how am i sure that they're not masking their anxieties? i was silenced lol.

are you still in contact with that girl you chatted with?

oh yeah, relationships definitely take a lot of trust. there's this quote i read, i can't remember it word for word but it was something like 'it's not about whether you trust your partner, it's about if you can trust yourself to overcome any challenges that come your way'. 

[Blackcloud]

Y’all this is why I don’t ever tend to carry out stuff that normally involves anything that contains other peoples high interests in it - I’m talking about “interests” as in like…some musical artists, anime, Pokémon, Sanrio, kpop etc… you know, like merchandise. 

so I own a lanyard that has a Sanrio related character in it (it was pompompurin actually) since I’m a huge fan of Sanrio in general. And I always carry this lanyard with me when I’m out and about. On the tram there’s two little girls and their mother and I was standing the opposite side of them facing them and they were standing the opposite side of where I was, facing me. I mean, their mother was standing in front of her daughters turning her back towards where I was so yeah. So…when the oldest daughter (who looks like around 5 or 6) kept looking at me at first, I was wondering why she did that, but then some minutes later or so when her little sister then saw that there was a Sanrio related character on my lanyard, she then pointed it out to her mum and then mentioned something that involves the word “cinamorroll” in it. Then I heard her also telling her older sister that she also likes other Sanrio characters like MyMelody, Kuromi, etc.. to which her older sister then gave me a fast glance while her little sister was mentioning it.

God damn it this is why I don’t ever tend to carry out AND own any items that involves anything in it that’s of many other peoples high interests GOOD LORD!!!!😂😂😂😂 it’s like you know how e.g. when you wear a t-shirt that has a kpop idol/group (e.g. BTS) in it and then other people you’re randomly around with in public then see it and then they tell their other friends or whoever about BTS when you’re around just because they see you wear it. Seriously, I hate that. And I hate kids too lmao, it would be better if that little girl didn’t even point out my lanyard in the first place and talk about it to the point that I could hear it, but of course she had to!!! 😐 

WELL!!!! I guess that means I’ll need to get a lanyard that doesn’t involve any of that now then!!!! 🤣😔 (joking but still)

@rav3n @Jynx @Ru-bee 

[rav3n]

oh what you don't like other people talking about your interests!? or is more like you don't like it cos people are watching you? haha lil kids can be unhinged and pretty bold, they must've wanted one of those lanyards themselves! 😂 @Blackcloud 

[Blackcloud]

Hi @rav3n I like to give you an update on the outcome that I received from the forced marriage service about whether I got accepted to join the program that they initially did an intake questionnaire with me of, so apparently I’m not eligible for the program but she did recommend me some other services like Orange Door that I can contact with. And regarding the family mediation that I’ve requested as part of the supports from the program that I wanna get, I just remembered her mentioning something like..that mediation has to involve both me and my parents (well I only want my mum involved cause she’s the one that’s doing this) and that the other party (my mum/parents) has to agree to have mediation, otherwise it’d be difficult if the mediation isn’t agreed upon the other party. Interesting………………….. I……don’t know what to really say or whatever………I’m just…….😐😐😐😐😑😑😑 i mean yeah I guess there’s family therapy being another option too I guess…? But I thought family mediation and family therapy are kinda similar in a way tho…

[rav3n]

hiya @Blackcloud thanks for the update!! i've heard good things about Orange Door, so hopefully things go well if you do reach out to them. 

family mediation and family therapy are a bit different from my understanding - family therapy tends to be a bit more long term, and you dive deeper into how everyone feels, why its happening, etc. while family mediation is more problem-solving focused. this link gives you a rough idea: Family Therapy vs. Mediation — The Mediation Group

there's definitely an overlap, i guess it's about which one feels right for you.

[Blackcloud]

@rav3n Thanks for the link 🙂 I have just skimmed through it and I feel that the mediation part is more suitable as I don’t really wish to have family therapy haha

Yeah so when I got the outcome that I wasn’t eligible for the program (based on some of my answers I’ve provided on the intake questionnaire) I felt really let down by it. Last night I sent an enquiry on the service’s contact form via their website to pretty much just be honest on how I feel towards the outcome and stuff, so hopefully either the lady that I got in touch with or whoever else that will receive that enquiry that I’ve sent will see it. I literally was starting to feel better mentally ever since I got in contact with this service, but until then…now i don’t know anymore. I’ve been looking into some lawyer related services that I was thinking of getting into as the victoria legal aid suggested me last week to get a private lawyer. I have also came across one of those services that is a non-for-profit that’s catered towards individuals that are on a disadvantage (including on a low income I hope) - the service is called Inner Melbourne Community Legal (or IMCL). I saw that they provide free legal assistance/advice as well but I’m not sure if they actually include lawyers there 😅 and as far as I know, it costs a ridiculous amount of money to speak to a lawyer.. even I myself am not at all able to afford for one, let alone having a consultation with them (a lawyer).

[rav3n]

haha very fair! @Blackcloud 

aw i hear you, i can imagine how upsetting that must be to have hope and then hear you're not eligible for the service. regardless of the ineligibility, your feelings are very valid!! i know it must be disheartening to hear, i hope the next service can provide you some more validation 💜

with some services, they have a specific criteria and if you don't meet it, it just means that their resources/service isn't the right fit for your right now (your eligibility could change). for example, there are some services that work primarily with high risk situations so if a person who's being forced to marry has had their wedding date set for this month, they'd present at a higher risk of intervention than someone who's not yet had the wedding dates set. so instead the service will send those with lower immediate risk to an alternative service that can provide them more appropriate support. which i have a feeling might be what this one did to you, i think they've suggested Orange Door because your situation hasn't escalated to that stage yet - which by the way might be a good thing, cos now you can work on de-escalating it before it gets to 'high risk' - does that make sense? i hope it wasn't confusing. 

the IMCL also sounds like a good place to get some free advice from!! would be nice to see what other options and get a law-related perspective. 

[Blackcloud]

@rav3n that totally makes sense about the services!! Yeah with orange door, she mentioned that orange door supports people that are going through domestic violence, but with my situation she said that I may have to be more explicit about it.

I did also find services like Relationships Australia (and have heard of them many times), but the huge amount of one star reviews from clients I’ve came across that have been to those services which are located across all different locations in Victoria were really interesting to see. 

I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed generally at the moment so not sure how much motivation I’m gonna have left for today and for the rest of this week 🥲

I even had a call with an intake worker this morning after I had a missed call from them. FYI, I applied for the Rental Stress Program at the Anglicare website last Friday. And according to them, I wasn’t eligible for that program either haha - it’s only eligible for the ones that are either behind on rent or if they have any debts that they need to pay off. She’s gonna refer me to some other services including the ones that’ll provide vouchers too, but good thing she acknowledged that what I have now is a really tight budget.

I couldn’t really tell the intake worker at Anglicare about the fact that I was spending tons of money on my savings account before I moved out until the move in on the phone as well as the fact that I’ve been spending tons of money from my savings account within these past few months including this month on…overseas trip + beauty treatments etc..

because…well you know, it’s just generally more difficult for me to talk to someone verbally when explaining something than if I was to tell them through online communication platforms.

[rav3n]

@Blackcloud with big services like Relationships Australia, it's a hit or miss situations - you might find some centres/counsellors useful and perfect for you, but others might not be the one. i've seen some of the reviews, and it seems like there's different reviews depending on which centre you visit. could be worth checking out still or keeping as a backup if Orange Door doesn't work out?

hmm yep it seems like a lot of the services require you to go into a bit more detail about things in order to actually get support from them but i can understand that it's not something you find easy or comfy doing over the phone. perhaps you can write Orange Door and Anglicare an email about it and say that you prefer email communications, and then add those details you needed? 

sorry to hear that you're feeling so overwhelmed right now, i imagine that being told your ineligible hasn't made things any better. sending you gentle hugs 💜 do go easy on yourself, it's okay to take a step back and breathe for a bit.