Hi all, so just some background,Im 22 this year. I've had 4 past depressive episodes ever since I was 16. For the past 4 times, I always end up withdrawing from and losing most my friends and family(was never really close to them from the start) and end up "getting back up", cos I had a change of environment (eg. going from high school to college). So in a new environment, I found it easier to recover, cos no one there knew me and it was as if I could be a whole new person.
So back to now, Ive had another episode (3 weeks in). Similarly, Ive started to withdraw from my friends. But this time, it was different. For the very 1st time, I took the courage to open up about this to 3 of my college friends. Reason being I felt that the 3 of them are people that I can really really click with and ppl like that dont come easy for me. So I really dont want to lose them, like I did with the rest of my friends. And being the amazing ppl they were, they accepted me, and said they'll give me all the time I need until Im back on my feet again.
Here's the problem. Ive never had to go back to being my usual self with my friends before. Like I said in the 1st para, Ive never had to do this before. I always end up walking away from my old friends and try making new ones. So I dont know how I am suppose to do it.
On my good days, do I just go back to my usual self again? Cos it feels so awkward just thinking about it since Ive avoided them for the past 3 weeks. Then, disappear again for my bad days? Ive asked them to pull me along on my bad days, but I dont know how to carry myself in front of them. It's like Im just going to be quiet and a cold blanket, like I wont be able to smile or laugh at anything.
But I dont to wait until the whole episode ends, before going back to them. Cos Im not sure how long itll take. What if it took years. So i dont want to just wait but Im not sure how to go about tackling this.
Any advice?
