Lived Experience Forum

[fabs_BR]

Content/trigger warning

I'm a 36 year old mother of two. I've struggled with compulsive eating all my life, have been treated for my eating disorder before, but it continues weighting on me each day and bringing me down. Motherhood hasn't been easy... I'm not one of those 'born to be a mum' types, so eating has become my main source of joy, as well as pain. It's basically what I use so I can survive each day, but it is also something that brings me further down the hole I'm digging for myself each day.



Anyone out there on  similar situation? I need someone to chat to without feeling judged or condemned for having a 'food addiction'.

[hanami]

Hi @fabs_BR 

Sorry to hear you're going through this. I can totally understand. I was always one of those born to be a mum types but it was still hard work adjusting to motherhood. I can imagine if you aren't one of those types it's going to be way harder to adapt and adjust. I would say I used to have a food addiction of sorts in the way that I was taught from a very early age that food made me feel better when I felt sad or lonely. My grandma used to by me treats and would say, 'oh you look so sad, here have some lollies/biscuits/chips...'. Then I watched my own mum eat when she was down. She was very into fitness, almost obsessive and she would say, 'I feel so fat', when in reality she looked amazing. She would eat a bunch of food she called 'bad'. Then say she isn't eating tomorrow. She would indeed not eat and then go to the gym and do several aerobics classes. As you can imagine, these things did NOT send me good messages about food!  I remember seeing a psychologist about my relationship with food and she said that I was using food to fill a void and that I needed to fill that void with something else. A better coping strategy. Anyway, it was a long road but I eventually got there and in my 50s now have a much better attitude towards eating and food. I worked as a journalist for some time and remember doing a story on eating disorders in older women and there was a 70 year old I spoke to who still struggled. I don't have a any wise words as such but just wanted to share my own experience with you in the hope you feel a bit less alone. I hope others reply too. 

Sending hugs

Hanami

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @fabs_BR,

Thank you for sharing your feelings and story with us. I have three kids and like you are saying I wasn't really a `born to be a mum type' either in the beginning. I also have had issues around eating since I was a teenager. 

I want to assure you that there is no judgement here - I think what you talk about is more common than you realise for many people. We live in a society with so many confusing messages around body image and eating. Some talk about positive body image and embracing your size whatever it is yet we still live in a day and age where many people are still aspiring to the perceived `perfect' body type. Due to so many mixed messages I don't think it's surprising that so many people struggle with eating, body issues, etc. 

As I've gotten older I try to see food more as a fuel than anything else. I used to reward myself with food - eat for comfort, eat to celebrate, eat to fill something I was missing, etc. As I've gotten older I've started to recognise that food is really not good or bad its just food. I had to change my association with food to change my mentality around food (not that I don't still crave certain foods when I'm sad for instance) but over the years I've learnt to recognise food for me wasn't really the problem - it was more my emotional connection that was creating the issue.

I would encourage you to be kinder to yourself - being a mum isn't always easy and some days are harder than others. In addition messages around food and body image is conflicting and contractionary and it's not surprising that many people struggle with eating disorders. 

Please take care of yourself and your family and please keeping reaching out - that's what we are here for :).

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

[FloatingFeather]

I think your message and your words are very wise @hanami 🙂

[hanami]

Yours too @FloatingFeather 

'food is just food'....love that statement ❤️

[Flotsam]

@fabs_BR 

This is such a tough thing to deal with, I eat my emotions. I recognise that I do this and which emotions I am eating. Food is everywhere and it’s a necessary part of life. 

I recently read a webpage that was actually helpful. It wasn’t a 10 tips to stop overeating like most of them. What I found helpful was the concept that “you are a human being and you are reacting in a very human way”. I started to forgive myself, having a baby is really hard, rest when you can and don’t try to live up to anyone else’s standards, or even your own if they are too high for right now. 

[Bow]

Hey @fabs_BR  I read your post earlier today and wasn’t really sure how I could respond, but wanted to. I guess I know the utter pain of food being such an all consuming battle, and I can relate to so much of what others have said in that it does bring us joy, it’s social, but my battle with food is at the other end compared to yours. 
just want you to know that you are not alone in this. 

If you ever feel like stopping by, there are a few others that may relate over in The Butterfly Room- ED support