Lived Experience Forum

[Rubyf]

I just want to start with, thanks, I love this forum. Thank you so much.
Well, I'm in a down place right now and I just can't seem to manifest my feelings into words. I'm shutting him out and I don't want to fuck this up like I do in every other relationship. I've not been down this low since being with him, and both of us struggle with communication and expression, so... Anyway, I self harmed today and he's managed to make me feel so much worse, I carry guilt like it's going out of style, literally everything is always my fault in my mind and I always end up apologising profusely for being a fool no matter if I should or not. This isn't working for us.
Does anyone have any little comms tips they'd like to share? Clearly I need professional help, I'm waiting on a letter of referral as I write this, but any ideas on how to get this done will be much appreciated.

[Yarnartisan]

Hey Rubin,

I don't  knowthat I've got any tips but I do understand yr frustration. I've tried talking to my partner on numerous occasions and he says he understands. But then goes on to talk about some issue of his own, or makes some sort of comment that shows he wasn't really listening to me at all even if he did hear me. Or else he takes it as a personal,criticism of himself.

so I feel your sense of powerlessness that the person who,is supposed to love you more than any one else and know you betters than anyone else just doesn't seem to get it or give you that help you need.

like you I would love to hear some tips on this too. 

Artisan

[Yarnartisan]

Sorry Rubyf just realised I mistyped yr name. Now I'm a lousy communicater.
Apologies,
Yarn artisan

[BlueBay]

Hi @Rubyf

I do understand what you're saying - I struggle with communicating and expressing my feelings to my husband.  And I have been married for 30 yrs!!! You would think it would be easier but oh no.

Both our communication is not very good or clear, something I need to work on with my new psycholgoist.

One thing I have done before and maybe you could try - I wrote letters to my husband at times expressing how I feel.  I would give him the letter and then try to talk about it.  But unfortunately a few times I did this he would not talk about it.  It's like he shuts down and then I shut down in anger.

Sorry not much help, but i do understand.  I think once you get professional help you will be given tips and strategies on how to deal with this.

Good luck, let us know how you go.

[Yarnartisan]

Hi Rubyf,

firstly ,morning hope you have a. Better day.

Secondly, I just woke up and re-read yr post and I wanted to say that by coming on here and asking yr question you should be proud of yourself,it's a huge step to take. 

I,Ve found that coming into this safe,supportive place and putting out there these often long suppressed feelings is in itself cathartic. Then to have someone else ,who may not have the answer,BUT, totally gets what you're saying is in itself,very. helpful.

So far you have two of us, saying "oh yeah,me too. Doesn't it suck." I,m sure they'll be others. Anything that lessens the horrid isolation of mental health world has got to be good.

So sending you a big hug,a lollipop and a sticker that says "I,m brave and fearless" I,m not trivialising what you've done the opposite. Just trying to raise a smile and say keep venting. Lessen your load.👏

Take care of you

Yarn artisan

[Change123]

Hi

Yes I'm similar to @BlueBay that I have been with my partner for over 30 years.  He never understands my feelings and thinks that I'm over dramatic and attention seeking.  I think the real problem is that no one understand BPD unless they have it.  They dont understand what goes through our minds on an hourly basis, the bad self talk etc etc as I'm guessing thats something you dont talk about as I dont.  But when you try to put this all into words for me - it never comes out how I want to explain.  

Everytime we end up in argument its because I can not articulate how to express my feelings exactly and he takes something else out of it and misses the picture all together.  I guess that is part of the reason we feel so "alienated".  I often felt as child growing up that I was really an alien dropped here becuase no one even at a young age of 8 could relate to my feelings and I'm so sick of being told YORU OVER SENSATIVE we all probably have had that one.

I cant offer any tips but atleast like @Yarnartisan said you can come here and relate to others who do understand and vent.  For me venting as been very theraputic, I dont have anyone "physical" in my life to turn to apart from my partner so this helps a lot.