Lived Experience Forum

[Bpd_89]

I have just recently found out that I have borderline personality disorder. Does anyone else have this and how do you cope? I feel like nothing is working. Is there medication that helps? My ex recently left me for someone else and plays with my mind telling me he wants to be with me but then changing his mind and because of the bpd I can't cope with it and I know he isn't good for me but all I want to do is contact him. Last time we spoke he told me to stab myself with a lethal injection because no one would miss me anyway.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Bpd_89

Welcome to the Forums.

I hope you don't mind me being frank, but what you ex said is really not ok. I don't know of any instance where a remark like that would be helpful. It's really hurtful. Not that I'm saying he a bad person, but he did say something bad. 

There are theapies for BPD like DBT. @Mee1955 wrote about their experience with BPD and DBT here. I wonder if @Mee1955 can tell us about DBT? You might also want to check out this thread started by @Lostgirl about BPD.

Sometimes the people that we are drawn to the most, are the people who aren't the best for us. Can I ask what is about him that you are drawn to? 

[BlueBay]

Hi @Bpd_89 @CherryBomb

I have BPD and I have done the DBT course 2 yrs ago.

I was diagnosed with BPD about 7 yrs ago when I saw a psych with depression, anxiety and childhood sexual abuse.  At the time I couldn't see my BPD behaviour but now I can at times.

Doing the DBT course was intense.  I had to do a one on one session with the therapist and then a group therapy with about 4 people.  It included distress tolerance, emotional regulation and other things (can't remember what else)

My husband sgtruggles at times when I have my outburts, my kids think I am 'rude at times towards my husband' but i have learnt to just shut up and walk off because i know i am rude sometimes but i feel i can't help it.

Hopefully others on here can help you.

Take care

Blue bay 🙂

[CherryBomb]

Thanks @BlueBay 

Can I ask if found found DBT useful?

[Bpd_89]

I don't know what I'm drawn to I think it's because everyone else in my life has left and when he comes back I let him on because he's the only person that seems to want me around at the time. I've seen psychologists in the past and it hasn't helped. How would dbt be different?

[BlueBay]

Hi @CherryBomb

when I first started the course I did learn some coping skills and did go back the following week.  But now it's been 2 yrs and I haven't been back to complete the course.  Mainly the cost it was expensive and it was a huge commitment.  It was over an hour drive to get to the place.

I found the group was good because it was a small group and we would talk about our own issues within the group. and we could share each others issues. i could not do that in a big group.

but it was a big commitment.  not sure if i could do it now again.  it was a big financial strain.  and i was also told by the therapist conducting the course that you really need to do the course twice because it is so intense that you don't really pick it all up the first time; therefore doing it a second time you will understand it better.

hope this make sense @CherryBomb

[CherryBomb]

@Bpd_89 I can understand why you are hanging on to him - he's stuck by you, unlike lots of your friends and family. Perhaps setting some boundaries around his behaviour could be good though? 

You mentioned that you've seen a psychologist in the past. What about wasn't helpful? 

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @BlueBay @Bpd_89 @CherryBomb,

@BlueBay I am really curious to know what you felt you got out of doing the DBT course, that you couldn't get from reading the skills manual yourself? I am genuinely intrigued by the fact that people shell out thousands of dollars for DBT when you can buy both the treatment manual and the skills training manual for about the cost of one therapy session. People keep telling me I need to "do" DBT, but they can't articulate what I would get out of paying all that money to sit in a group and learn the exact same things that I've read for myself. DBT is a manualised treatment. This means they must follow the manual in order for it to actually be DBT. So...why not just read the manual?

Oh and the four components of the skills training part of DBT are core mindfulness skills, interpersonal effectiveness skills, emotion regulation skills and distress tolerance skills. See, I never forget them - cos I have the manual sitting right here.

[BlueBay]

Hi @Phoenix_Rising

You are so right with the 4 components of the DBT training manual.  I do have the manual and yes I could just sit nd read it; but for me I need to be in a group. I need to be in a 'class' situation; i can't learn on my own.  I guess everyone is different.

Yes i did spend hundreds of dollars and a lot of time spent away from my family.  I really don't know. 

I guess for me - I am very stuck in my ways; I struggle so much with my ways, my behaviour, my emotions.  I am slowly learning to change, learning to regulate my emotions and it takes time; it doesn't happen overnight.

It's the same for me if i read the manual; it wouldn't happen overnight; it takes practice and lots and lots of practice.  i would have to be strict with myself.

I can't say whether you need to go and do the DBT course; it's up to you. 

[Bpd_89]

He isn't speaking to me at the moment and I feel lost. Talking to someone doesn't seem to help me because when the next bad thing happens in my life I always go back to the same depressed state of not coping.