Lived Experience Forum

[Billie-Jean]

Hi everyones, 

So I had a tough time growing up my mum has Biopolar Disorder and and fromt the I was ten till 17 she was preety much in hospital for 6 months of every year, so I lived with a bunch of differened families where I witnessed abuse, was neglected and a victim of DV, I have recenly been diagnosed with BDP as a result of all the tauma. 

Would anyone be able to give me any advice of managing feeling of worthlessness and also dissotiative behaviours and the sense that you feel you are a stranger in your own body? 

Thank you so much.

[Eden1919]

@Billie-Jean Hi I have BPD and when i feel like i am dissociating I listen to music and just absorb myself in that. it doesnt stop the feelings exactly but it gives me something to "hold onto". also exercise can sometimes help with that feeling. and one other thing aswell is putting your face in really cold water it sounds strange but it actually helps a bit. as for the feelings of worthlessness that is something that you might be able to work through with a counsellor/psychologist. 

[Lunar]

Hi there @Billie-Jean

Welcome to the forums, it is nice to meet you 🙂

@Eden1919 shared some really good ideas about ways of coping with your dissociating and working through feelings of worthlessness. It is worth trying those things to see what works for you, some people find that comforting and soothing themself through hugging something cuddly, having a shower, or reflecting on things that have helped to calm you down in the past and bring you out of your mind and into your body.

You might like the write them down so that when you are feeling overwhelmed and out of control, you can go through your list and start trying some of those things, it works as a reminder.

Sometimes they don't work for long or not at all, but you just won't know until you have tried 🙂

I look forward to hearing about other peoples ideas

Lunar

[Former-Member]

hello @Billie-Jean

Firstly, can I just say that I think that you are extremely brave in opening up about your mother's illness and resulting upbringing, traumas that you endured.

The fact that you were separated from your mother for such long periods over the years during that tender age would have been extremely traumatic. Added to that horrendous circumstances of domestic violence and abuse.

I have myself experienced domestic violence and abuse. This led eventually to my suffering ptsd for several years, now given another name, complex trauma. Not sure where the line starts, stops. another label.

For me when experiencing dissociation or dis-integration strongly I find grounding myself the most helpful.

Planting my feet firmly on the ground and feeling the weight of my body flowing through to my feet, anchoring myself to the floor. Fixating on something whilst doing this preventing me from falling over. I try to look through a window if I am inside, so that I can see the real world, sky, clouds, trees, plants.  Observe any interaction with the sun, wind, rain etc.

You can also tune into sounds around you, birds, animals, traffic, people.

You are basically distracting yourself without focussing on the term distraction.

There are many people on here who have been diagnosed with BPD. If you feel comfortable, continue to write your thoughts or questions on here or respond to threads of others. There is no hurry, no right or wrong way either. in your own time, as much as you feel comfortable sharing.

You are safe and will not be judged.

I wish you a safe journey and am pleased that you found us here.

[Billie-Jean]

@Former-Member and everyone who commented.Thank you all so much for getting back to me with your kind words and your encouragement. I am trying to do all I can to feel safe and secure in my body, I took on your advice and have been placing my feet in wet grass and wrapping myself in. a warm blanket. I hope you are all having a beautiful week.

[Billie-Jean]

Hi Eden! 

Thank you so much for replying to me with so much compassion it means a lot. Since you also have Borderline Personality Disorder, I was wondering how do you cope with the intensity of your emotions. In a day I can feel so intensely happy that I giggle at almost everything, and sometimes I can feel so intensely sad and dissociated from everything. I think the dissociation is the scariest symptom of BPD for me, sometimes it feels nothing I've made belong to me like I don't belong in my wonderful job, or with my friends, sometimes its like I don't recognise my own face. 

Is that something you have experienced. Do you have any advice? XXXX

[Eden1919]

Hi @Billie-Jean

Coping with emotions is a very difficult one for me I find having so many emotions at once can make it hard to plan out your day and just makes it difficult to function in general. I do have some things that help for example I keep small things around me that I can self soothe with if I need like stress balls and soft things I can play with in my hands. But the biggest thing that has helped with my emotions is doing DBT (Dialectical behavioral therapy) with a psychologist. So I would really recommend you find a psychologist who specializes in BPD or DBT as not everyone is able to do this and see if there is a way you can see them. If you have private health insurance then I would suggest doing it privately if you can afford it. If not there are sometimes public DBT groups that you can try and get into. Let me know if there is anything else I can help with.

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Billie-Jean, Nice to "meet" you. I have BPD and I super struggle with overwhelming emotions. I want to echo what @Eden1919 regarding the value of DBT. I've never actually done it with a therapist - I just bought the treatment manual and skills training manual and read through them myself. The skills training component of DBT consists of four modules: mindfulness, emotion regulation, distress tolerance and interpersonal effectiveness.

My biggest go-to strategy when dealing with big feelings is to sit with them, rather than fight them. I spend a lot of time here in Forum Land on a thread titled "Riding a wave". The DBT manual talks about how it is better to be still and let the big feelings wash over you like waves, rather than trying to fight them or push them away. I find this way of dealing with them super helpful.

Regarding dissociation, I think one of the things that I have found most helpful was actually learning what dissociation was. I first dissociated very severely as a young child and I remember screaming that nothing felt real. It wasn't until I was about 19 that I learnt that the term for the nothing-feels-real feeling is dissociation. For me, understanding what it was took the fear out of it. Thus although I spend quite a bit of my time dissociated, it doesn't super bother me.

One thing that I do find really helpful though is yoga. I have been messing around at home with online videos for years, and only recently got brave enough to start attending a class. I find it super calming and it definitely helps me to connect with my body. There is a thread here in Forum Land titled "The great yoga adventure" if you want to come and join me and some others on this adventure. Perhaps you might like to join us too @Eden1919???

[Eden1919]

@Phoenix_Rising I will have a look into the other thread thanks. I have tried yoga also and it was helpful to feel a bit more centered.

[Bubbles3]

Hi billie-jean.
I also have BPD .
Well i have Cluster B personality disorders which has BPD in it. My emotions are always up and down. I can never think clearly. Im always having out of body experiences.
The best way for me is to sit on the floor. It always works for me. I feel really grounded . I dont feel like im floating . So that one thing you could try.
Hope that helps.