Bipolar 2 New Diagnosis-desperate dissociation and paranoia

[Raffi]

Hi all

i am new here. With a recent diagnosis of BP2 and anxiety/depression etc etc....  Got educated and have a stable job, partner,home but inside I feel homeless. A lifetime of cover up has exhausted me ( I never knew that it was not normal and that other people don't feel this tangled). Seen many GO's about depression until I finally said I want a psychiatric referral. Diagnosis then confirmed with an exploration of symptoms.  Told one person about the diagnosis - that backfired spectacularly. 
I really regret it as it made me feel one hundred times worse. 

Feel very alone and belong nowhere.

Need some support and kinship with open honest conversations about feelings and lived experience. Feel very abandoned, misunderstood and totally isolated despite close immediate family. Family of origin fracture, abusive and totally dysfunctional. Very bad childhood which I am certain contributes to my disassociation and paranoia. Always thought I had a wild imagination. Turns out I cycle between extreme internal mania (wild vivid thoughts and ideas) and depression associated with paranoia and self hatred. I try desperately to manage myself and my environment which always turns out badly largely due to being misunderstood and interpreted. 

Where do I go?  I want deeper connection and discussion - not just talk to GP, psych, counseller etc. I want to talk to others who know how deeply awful this can feel. Where can I find them? How do I find them? 

Help. 

[greenpea]

@Raffi  Hi and welcome to the forums Raffi :). I was firstly diagnosed with bpI now schizoaffective disorder. Yes it is a confusing and scary journey of which one wants as much information as possible and to connect with fellow sufferers.  I will tag @Gazza75  who also has bpII (he might be away atm). He is a really nice guy who I am sure will help you around the forums abit and will make you feel welcome as will others online (we are a friendly bunch here :)). You might like to look at the various threads regarding bpII and then there are the social threads like Good Morning!  where you can talk to fellow formites (I promise they are all great people). Oh and if you want to talk with a particular person put a @infront of their name like I did for you and a notification will be sent out to them. Hope to see you around the forums. greenpeax

[Raffi]

Hi @greenpea and @Gazza75 

It is so nice to get a reply.

I appreciate that it is the holiday season and many people are away and busy. It is these socially constructed, pressure associated periods (Xmas, Easter,birthdays, mothers/Father's Day) that contributes to my confusion and loneliness.  I have also worked out that I fixate on things that are unhelpful and anxiety provoking and I wonder if this is normal and if others feel this.

Lots of questions.

I look forward to chatting and participating in the forums.

[Gazza75]

Hi @Raffi ,

I'm not sure if its normal to fixate on things, but, I find myself doing it.  I am okay with most holidays, but, Xmas is proving very challenging for Me.  I managed to get through this year better than I expected, so I need to try and remember this for down the track and not worry myself silly with it in the future.

Take care