Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Valda]

Hi l am new to this sight and would be interested in any feed back from parents of young adults with BPD. I have a very intelligent beautiful 26 year old daughter who has decided to go of her meds cold turkey and dose not want to speak to her doctor and thinks she is fine. She is not fine and is now living in another state as she finished her degree and now has her dream job , I am so proud of her but she does need her meds as in the last monthe l have noticed the difference in her moods , so any suggestions worried Mum

[NikNik]

Hi @Valda 

Welcome to SANE Forums.

There are a few members who come to mind who have a loved one who has been diagnosed with BPD and there's also members who have dealt with their loved one not taking medication or think they need treatment.

Sadly it seems common across a lot of different diagnosis

@GivingMick @Kiera80 @Cazzie @Shino  @Sophie44 @Alice70  @BananaHammock @suzie may have some advice and insights for you. 

In the meantime, there are some discussions that you may find helpful or that you can relate to;

- This discussion was started by 2confused about her husband who has bipolar, who is refusing medication.

- @Brodie started a great discussion sharing tips about BPD for family and friends

- A while ago, I posted a link to a fantastic podcast about the recent advances in treatment for people diagnosed with BPD worth a listen.

There are also members who have disclosed they have been diagnosed with BPD. Perhaps, if they feel comfortable, they could post some advice from their perspective too.

All the best.

[Kiera80]

Hi, I don't qualify as a parent with a child but my sibling has BPD.

I'm not going to go into all the dramas that go along with this mental illness, rather I would like to ask you what behaviour has your daughter displayed before being diagnosed with BPD and being on medication.

Can you tell us a little bit more about her history?

Being so far away from her would be quite difficult for you and I understand your worry.  Is there anyone within cooeee of her that can keep an eye on her welfare?

Is it possible for her to come home on a regular basis or can you go visit her?

[Baboo]

Im wondering if this is the fist time she has been off her medications and has in her mind that its the right thing to do. Not the same situation but when i was in my early 20's i had to learn most things for myself- the hard way before i listened to people. i appreciated peoples opinions and ideas about my lifes choices- but i still needed to test the waters myself. I hope she will be ok

[Valda]

Hi Thankyou for your reply, I guess I always thought from when she was about 13 that things were not quiet right, but put it down to her age, lher lack of empathy was my most concern, along with her attitude she wrote her first car of drink driving at 18 went in and out of relationships and could never settle always bored one minute then deciding to travel without thinking how she would live and support herself. I think the constant arguments about every subject we talked about at home and drugs drinking for days not knowing what she was doing or who she was with. Yes it is hard her being so far away but l visit as much as l can and talk to her every day one of us will always ring, and l often message her goodnight and tell her l love her. We had a bad year last year as l found out in April l had cancer and spent 12 monthes on Chemo this was very hard for her as she got her job in the July, and worried about me . Lucky for me l was cleared in December and l think with that and finishing Uni and getting a job was a lot to take on for one year, also not having her doctor every 2 weeks must of been hard . Sorry that l am rambling on but once you start thinking about it you just keep writing 🙂

[Kiera80]

I'm sorry to hear about all the problems you yourself have had.  Great news that you have beaten the cancer.  That can be a very scary time for anyone and it also affects everyone around you.  Your daughter must have some empathy if she was concerned for you.

Your daughter has done really well to finish uni with the problems she has.  The drinking can be worrying though.

Is she still turning to alcohol now or does she seem to have that fairly under control?

Does the new job seem to be working out for her?

It's good that you two speak to each other often.  The contact is important.  Having your daughter away from home at the moment can be a good thing and a bad thing.  Bad because you miss her and worry about her but good for you to have that break and a bit of peace and quiet without the dramas.  Make the most of this time for yourself.  It's not selfish to do that.

As you know, each one of us has to find our own way in life, with all the mistakes we can make along the way.  You are doing a great job of supporting her and letting her know you are there when she needs you and I'm sure she appreciates that, even if she doesn't always show it.  I also know how hard it can be for someone with BPD to separate themselves from those closest to them.  It takes a lot of guts to do that.  She has different people around her now and hopefully the job is exactly what she wanted.  It can be a good thing, like a new start for her. 

I'd like to ask you what your worst fears are at the moment for her.  Sometimes when you worry you can worry yourself to the point of nearly going mad.  If you make a list or think about what is concerning you most you can take some time to address those things and ask yourself what can really happen and what is an unnecessary worry.  Does that make sense?

[Valda]

Thank you so much for your reply l will make that list as you suggested and see if that helps. I spoke to my daughter and she has decided to go back on her medication and as she made this decision on her own and felt she needed it is a good thing .

[Kiera80]

That's great that your daughter has decided to go back on the meds.  She deserves some credit for making that decision.  Good on her.  I'm sure you're breathing a sigh of relief over that.

Maybe she really has turned a corner in her life for the better.  What do you think?

[Valda]

It's amazing how different she is when on her meds, l asked her yesterday what made her decide to go back on them and she replied l was crazy mum totally not in control. Yes l agree it was a good choice that she made and on her own l am very proud that she could see what she was like and took control. She is going on a well deserved holiday next week with her boyfriend and l am sure now it will be much more enjoyable for them both. 🙂

[Kiera80]

I am amazed that your daughter is taking so much responsibility for herself and it's just great.  I wish my sibling had that sort of initiative.

So now that she's off for a holiday are you going to take a step back and treat yourself to something good for yourself?  I really think you should.

Small victories should be celebrated.