Lived Experience Forum

[hanami]

Oooooh @Appleblossom 

What a great piece of artwork and poetry! I couldn't stop looking at it lol

I'm glad to hear you're on the mend after a bad bout of covid. It's so so awful. My dad tested positive on Monday. He's 74 but feels ok. He's pretty fit and so is my mum, she's 75. She is kinda freaking out that she gets it too. She made my dad sleep in another room but then she couldn't sleep properly because she missed him lol. It made me think how cute it is that she wanted him by her side even after 55 years of marriage. They bicker all the time but still very in love. Super sweet and I'm glad for them. I know so many marriages don't go well, and that's fine. I think they are lucky to find someone that they are happy with all this time. 

Anwyays, just rambling on here!

So nice to read your post.

Hanami

[Appleblossom]

Hey @hanami 

Tagging @StanD cos I think you have have confused the 2 of us.

Hope you are both ... doing as well .. as poss.

[hanami]

oh dear @Appleblossom !!! I did too! 
hello there to both you and @StanD ! And @SmilingGecko and @TAB ☺️

[SmilingGecko]

Hello @hanami sending my wellwishes. Haven't seen you in my neck of the woods for a while on the forums. I hope you are doing well. Good to hear your parents love for eachother.  Its a rare thing to have a successful relationship these days. I hope you don't get covid, it seems quite difficult to shake off. I just avoid people as much as possible and stay out of public places within reason!

[StanD]

Oh Wow.

I am reading all your kind messages now.

How can I express the light grown inside me? Not my imagination. Positivity that wasn't there previous. And it doesn't feel fleeting - it feels like beginnings of forming foundation, that I am so desperate for at this time of instability in my life.

It's difficult to say Thankyou. I am saying it most days to people who help me out. To them it might seem like they are doing their job, or kind gesture. 

When person feels like they have lost everything in their life, - knowing Life goes on, & is real ... I'm not sure how to finish that sentence.

Kind of funny StanD moment - I tried to explain to my GP , " I don't feel like I have brain fog - my head feels less alert, I feel dreamy."

GP looks at me, & says, "yeh, that's brain fog.'

'oh' I say.

At least I'm laughing at myself still.

Hmm, autism + brain fog. Finding words is already difficult. 

I'm not sure I'm up to replying to each of you. 

Quick thoughts $3000 @TAB yes that's lots!! And now you have it. Funny, I was imaging the flu (maybe it's a covid thing?)-being silly.

@Appleblossom your message felt so personal& touching. I loved it x thankyou 

@hanami thankyou for looking out for me, I don't think it's 'a job'. And I loved the cute story of your parents. Mum missed Dad so much, even covid couldn't match it❤️ it's good to know they bicker - not sure it's good? Maybe it's good mental stimulation in a sense? 

@SmilingGecko thankyou for the Sikhs info. An incredibly generous organisation. It is great to know, in my situation. Not always about the food, knowing I'm cooked for is real meal. I liked my metaphysical prayer. 

I tested negative 3? Days ago. Was happy to see no extra line. It's weird tho, cause I'm still sounding like crap, & tired. Feeling stronger everyday 👍👍

I would like to go to church tomorrow. I'll decide in the morning.

My OT would say - it might cost me 80/100 spoons (we all get 100 🥄 per day) Perhaps, it will give me sustenance for the week? Maybe 700 extra 🥄?

Rambling...

Thankyou. I feel a bit anxious. Its k.

[TAB]

Get well soon @StanD lol 😆

[SmilingGecko]

Hello @StanD I know you are not well, lovely but thought I could gently pass along a free audio for your emotional upliftment. I don't know how it sits well with your spiritual beliefs but its designed to change the way you feel whilst facing difficulties and hardship. The person who created it was at rock bottom in her life and it was this uplifting chant that shifted her focus into what she was able to change in her life and begin strategising about which avenues to pursue to get herself out of a VERY challenging period in her life which was documented on her webpage.

For the free "Mood Changing Sound Vibration", Go here:

https://www.mcleanmasterworkscorporate.com/

<Picture contains the image on the website. Click on the third tab Mood Changing Sound Vibration whilst on the website and it will take you through to the free mp3 download">

[StanD]

I LOVE YOU

[StanD]

Hello @greenpea 

I know you are upset. If you want to chat here, you are so welcome & it would be a privilege to read what you are going thru 

This will sound awful. I was catching up on music thread - I feel so alone today. I was considering pouring my heart out here. Then I was reading comments from @TAB about mushy pea (ZERO offence roomie) - everyone sounded so upbeat on music thread. I couldn't be sad - I didn't want to bring mood down. 

I don't know your story. I know son2 is scaring you.

I am going through PTSD now after escaping DV relationship. I loved? him. Wanted to protect him. Felt sorry for him. I didn't understand schizophrenia - I honestly did not know, that their can be people who are diagnosed with severe MI AND not be violent. (Physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual) I explained lots of his behaviour, by his mind not functioning properly.

I still think it is a grey area. 

I cannot empathise or begin to put this in context of a family member - your son2.

Although, we knew each other for 19 years.

I didn't know how bad things were, because it was gradual? It became my normal? I had little previous life experience that made me think - I could have more?

Lots of guilt too. I still feel incredibly guilty. Knowing, - crying - imagining how he is coping with life, without me.

And ... maybe, he is much more capable than I ever knew? Perhaps, it was the "perfect storm"? Me, needing to support him ..... Him, exploiting my need, insecurities, & worse than that - actually feeding my fears.

I don't know if anything I'm writing is relatable. I actually think it's probably EXACTLY perceivable to you.

I think any of us, who are carers, have a similar story. We cope, we do the best we can, we sacrifice - because we know, they need help - & if not us? Then who?

You don't have to reply. Please do as you wish. 

The less stressful is the right answer♥️

I'm going to make us both a cuppa now.

Sorry, I only have boring twinings... Stale chamomile & honey - yes, that sounds yum 😋

I have settled everything with lawyers, signed final documents Friday. The $$ is not satisfactory. 

I have about 35 days now to find new, home or rental. 

His side are holding my $$ in instalments. i.e if I am one day late in moving out - I don't get rest of my money. I would have to stay in hotel (with my 3 cats) worst case.

I'm trying not to stress - at least till Monday. This is my intention, in between the screams & crying.

Am ok✅

Fucked up phrase , whatever.

I liked - 'she knows' song. You are bad ass like me. 

Still gunning for my mb L plates.

You have friends. You know that already. 

Love you xx 💞

@TATAB @SmilingGecko 

[TAB]

you 'need' a place to go to Now @StanD  maybe try country ?, well people you know first.

peeps on fb here wanting somewhere to camp, half thought about it  have 35 x17 m backyard empty could use toilet and and water, then though nah what a hassle etc  everyones like go to caravan park and they are oh yeah but too dear ...

was okay enough before, bit long faced about mate and music comment. guess looking for excuse to drink ha ha lol