Living with Ourselves

[Zoe7]

I knew you would understand @Sophia1 I have left the door open for Clover to wander in and out. I still cannot bring myself to allow her access to all the room but happy for her to venture into the little back corner for now.

Yes trust is a tough one - so hard to achieve and even harder when it has been broken ...but thank goodness for people like you Hon as you make it easy to have that trust 💖

@tonys I do not want in intercede with your wonderful relationship here with our beautiful Sophia1 but wanted to let you know I am reading and love the way you write and the light I read in your posts.

[Sophia1]

Hello @tonys 

Thank you for replying.

This letter to you is a brief one...I know you are probably thinking .."as if"..

I need to get outside as is a very warm one today. My garden is calling me and I need my garden. It is my oxygen tank...rescuer...best friend (when behaving) and so much more.

I did laugh out loud when I read your opening description of me..Quite astute. ....

I can lose weight very easily if over active however I monitor this more closely...Slim..

Coffee drip hmm very dangerous as I would be swinging from our very tall remnant gum tree..

Restricted to two black early morning with breakfast..

must be off as the garden is calling me..will write later

Sophia1

[Sophia1]

a quick reply again @tonys 

was on my way outside then mind reminded me that I had read about a lung infection...

TB when young...

OOh you are looking after you and not doing too much I hope..

Ribs and now hearing this...

Water, water everywhere.....drink fresh water please..rest whether you want to or not...

will be back

Sophia1

[tonys]

@Zoe7    Thankyou Zoe,     No worries  at all about tossing your hat in the ring.   A large green tree frog has set up shop in my letter box,  Its always good to see the odd letter in there with him......     Gives us both a  read,  and me a lift.    Hope your day is progressing nicely toward a peaceful conclusion. 

I learnt today that if I tap on someones picture,   it takes me to all the other forums they are corresponding in.      From that I learnt that your work as a,   community guide ,   keeps you very busy.    There must be criteria that you have to meet and you must have a remarkable memory to keep track of all the people you respond to.

There is nothing bigger than the heart of a volunteer.   May only good things pave your way.

tonys mb1

[tonys]

thanyou @Sophia1 ..   yes I'm....  self pampering..   today.   Had to pick toms this morning but thats more about giving the other pickers a laugh and moral boost,   They pick twice as fast as me these days,   I do the long irregular hours but i cheat with a midday snooze.

Ribs will weld them selves back together,  Might be pleurisy,    Like most my age,      always waiting on a lab test.    Taking my usual home remedies,  and the Rn's bottles of gunck,   and just ride it out with my comic books,    stereo ,  and..... a big long hot bath....   the cure for everything.      Cat slipped of and fell in the other day.     Used my face to get out which is when the laughter abruptly ended.

So,  you've been back in the garden again.     All i can say is your pretty keen mate.  I  get worn out just watching,  "gardening  Australia"   I wont ask how family matters are,   but  you can bet  I  give special thought regards   the millstones you so loyally put your back into,  to hold all the pieces together..

Thats the trouble with weeding hey Sophia....   to much time to think,.......   and will they ever go away.

One day i would like to see the sun rise in the same spot it set the night before,     perhaps then we could simply just, ......   take it all back..

tonys moon base one.

[Zoe7]

Hey @tonys 😁 I had a student in my class last year that loves frogs. We naturally began calling her Froggy - even her Mum calls her that now lol You made me think of her with your green tree frog taking up residence in your letter box 🐸

As a community guide we are expected to be present on the forums for a minimum of 2 hours a week but most of us do a lot more. I am not around as much during the year when I work but am a lot more in the school holidays. I rely heavily on notifications through emails to respond to people but also like to check in on new members and any new threads I am able to reply to ...but it is also a balance - we cannot be everything to everyone and have to look after ourselves as well.

[Sophia1]

Hello @Zoe7 

I really do need to heed my intuition..

Good for Tonys to meet others as well I believe also as he wishes ..

If the thread starts to get too busy you could always start a new one Zoe. 
I like my safe space here..

I will always find Tony’s to chat with.

I love frogs too. We have them in the park when heavy rain fills the river and wetland area..

Bye for now

Sophia1

[Sophia1]

I am about to head off to sleep I hope @tonys 

I did not get back to you but will when more rested..

I am starting to feel drained by family stuff and everything..

So am having some quiet time..

Enjoy chatting with new people.. making new friends..

Stay alert as we all have to..

I do hope that your physical health improves. 
Pleased to read that you are doing less also..

Baths are very calming..

Not so calming for cats though laugh

Take care will speak to you when I can

Sophia1

[Zoe7]

I will leave you two to it @Sophia1 👍

[Sophia1]

Good morning @Zoe7 

You have misunderstood my meaning.. possibly..

I am treading on eggshells as whatever I say might just make the whole situation worse.

I did think after I had written to you that it is not my place to direct people around the forums.

I was in auto-pilot and this is no excuse.

It is so hard to explain my needs without going into detail with this type of communication.

Please do not abandon @tonys because of my words.

It is wonderful for you @tonys to meet others and have some fun.

This of course is your choice..Tonys...not mine...nor would I expect it to be mine..

Zoe, Tonys  has responded to you with thanks.

Please do not take that back from him because of me..

I use this thread as my go to place when I spread out connecting with others.

There are a few people with whom I would love to communicate more often.

At the moment the safest place for me to be is here...I respond to others randomly these days as a form of my own self-care.

I hope that you will understand what I am trying to say as I remember you had a safe space of your own for quite some time.

Life has improved for you and with supports you are doing well.

I know that you still have life happening where you take breaks and that is what I am trying to do currently.

Hence my suggestion that you might like to start another thread..

A healthier one for @tonys 

away from my troubles..

I have so much going on externally. Last year was one of the worst that I have had in a long time.

I was glad to see the end of the year close and a fresh start...

Hope

Most of the time I run on auto-pilot...

The day before Christmas Eve last year, the walls came tumbling down..

After a whole year of one thing after another where all of my boundaries were pushed and trampled on.

I had been on tenderhooks waiting for the crash..

Beyond my expectations..

Not me ....my older adult child...impact same on me...

So much fallout from this and again my trying to assist in looking to the future to offer support to have the best quality of life ..a place to feel safe and have independence..

A world that is the choice of that person..

Twice I have managed to set this up....independence and opportunity to further study as is a passion of person concerned..

other family intervening and taking away the independence....

unhealthy environment exasperating person's health yet again

Very complex and difficult to achieve ..we all have choices and need to learn by our mistakes..

Terrifying when health is impacted though..

Health system not an easy place to work with or be in as a patient or staff member these days at ground level..

I am also attempting to sort out some of the fallout..due to state of person's health..

ongoing ..

have managed with some..

there will be ongoing...

So I ask you to understand that I am vulnerable..

Often when we feel so vulnerable that is the time when we need the forums most..

My way of escaping from my own real issues is to help others within my limitations; keeping an eye on my own health..

I am very sorry if I hurt your feelings @Zoe7 

I do not believe that you crossed my boundaries..

If I have upset others I will think about staying away myself..

If I am requested to stay away from the forums....so be it..

I will do so..

I do not want to be in the way of others..

I will leave it at that..

Sophia1