Living with Ourselves

[Sophia1]

Hello @maddison 

Thank you so much for your lovely post.

A while ago and you might have even forgotten.

It is not you.

It is me trying to keep my head above water.

I will get to write to you one day as I have a back log.

@tonysthe flying machine as in hot air balloon sounds like a better place for me than a caravan.

I would get myself all tied up though trying to get down to light my camp fire.

Under the ground you go at night Tony's.

I can sense the need for complete darkness and silence.

My bedrooms have blackout curtains. Actually all of the main rooms do.

Silence and no light can help me go within myself seeking a calmer place.

I will get back to you also

I am sending energy waves currently

Sophia1

[Sophia1]

Hello @wordman 

I think that you wrote to me somewhere, some time ago.

I don't think that I dreamt it.

Anything is possible at present.

I am writing to you regardless to thank you for a possible letter from you.

I am letting others know whom I also have not responded to that there is a back log.

This time of year is not a good time for me as for so many others.

I must get outside in nature. That is my friend.

Look forward to conversing at some stage.

Sophia 1

[Zoe7]

Hi @Sophia1 I wanted to give you a garden update ...I have laid all the pavers and bricks for my path. I just need to concrete in a few of the edge bricks then sweep in the sand and mortar. It has been a long running project having to get a handful of bricks at a time to spread out the cost but to finally have it all done is a really nice feeling. I am going to pave down one side of the house and the front path also but that will be many more months of grabbing pavers when I have a little spare money (and with interest rates continuing to rise that may take a lot longer than this one took). Going to be working on Cat's corner as well these school holidays as I have already purchased most of what I envisage will go in over the past year or so. I will keep you updated my friend 💖💖💖💖💖

[Sophia1]

Oh wow @Zoe7 

You are a busy hard working butterfly

That sounds wonderful.

My husband does the paving. In the throws of designing a new area.

My operations have left me with limitations.

I am back gardening probably more than I should be.

take that away from me altogether well I just would not manage.

I have been wondering about Cat's Corner.

I have scattered some of my mum's dried botanic flower wreath up in my pet sanctuary.

Not really liking that term I think that there is a horror film or series with that name.

Might have to come up with something else.

Mum particularly loved our unfriendly; don't come near me; defiant cat who is up there. Would you believe there is a broken pot with remnants of a couple of leaves of a plant still living. Hardly any soil in it. I am frightened to touch it.

Yes she broke the pot. She and the pot have been up there now for nearly 3 years.

My older cat who passed about 10 years ago was the first one there. He settled on the land before us! Always first! He was my vocal boy and had an obsession with water. Used to run to the sprinklers when he heard the tap turn. Used to virtually lay on them and half drown himself.

If there was a bucket of water on the lawn for something his head would be found inside investigating.

He was my soul cat whom I have talked about with you before. He cuddled me through some very difficult times.

I know that you know that scenario very well.

Incredible what they give us isn't it.

I hope that you are also enjoying your gardening.

The time it takes and cost is huge in any garden.

My garden is forever changing anyway.

Take your time and savour everything; every moment you spend out there.

I think of it as being a representation of myself.

My form of art.

I know that you are good at art also.

I have done a couple of sketches and was told that they were very good for first times.

I do not believe that though as cannot believe that I can sketch.

I will get there. It runs back in my heritage in London and Paris.

Enjoy your garden.

Thank you for thinking of me

Take care at this mad time of year

Must head out to yes my garden

Sophia 1

[Zoe7]

I truly believe that anyone can do art @Sophia1 - it is just a matter of finding your passion and form. Some draw, some paint, some crochet, etc. etc. - whatever is your desire, it is a representation of you and therefore Art 🎨 I have no doubt your sketches are wonderful because you are and that would show in your work 💖

How about Pet Haven? instead of sanctuary - it is a place both you and your fur babies go to rest ...a safe haven for you all.

Yes the cost of gardens is ridiculous but the joy they bring us is immeasurable. My sister once asked me why I was doing the outside before the inside ...my reply was simple - that is where I find the most peace - sitting among nature with my fur babies by my side.

I think the broken pot that still has life in it is very symbolic of the way we feel about our fur babies who has died ...a little of them will always remain alive just as those leaves are.

I hope you find some joy over this Christmas period - it can be so difficult for so many but finding those small moments of peace and happiness mean so much.

Back to the garden for me too - chat soon 💖💖💖

[maddison]

Hello @Sophia1 I saw you responding online & I'm thankful you chose to reply to me.

Please don't ever feel any pressure. When you are ready, I am here.

I was looking through previous posts. I don't know members here very well - I'm not the type that usually 'snoops"....I guess it's Christmas & I'm feeling nostalgic...& A teeny bit lonely... So one thing led to another...!

Anyway, I noticed a post you wrote to @Appleblossom on your Fragile thread. I thought it was beautiful. It helped me to gain a better insight of the true you. Appleblossom and I have interacted previously..I think we had good chats. The words that you wrote to her in your post - I agree with it all. @Appleblossom introduced me to a work of art, Melancholia  by Albrecht Dürer. It spoke so loudly to me. An amazing gift. I loved it so much, I have a copy that I had printed & laminated (matte) & is on my bedroom wall now.

When you say 'it's not you, it's me.' 

Firstly, please don't ever apologise (I do it too!)... I think you are saying you don't feel like your cup is full enough at the moment? 

Secondly, - it probably is me a little bit! Regarding your response to @Appleblossom - I feel the same (albeit we don't share the depth or time length of connection that the 2 of you do) The point I'm eventually! trying to make.. Is that I'm not always good at communicating.

I have my good & bad moments. Right now, I think I'm doing ok? I'm slowly learning how to communicate better. I'm also very fragile, sensitive, self conscious, shy. I read messages from members, & my mind interprets them a million different ways - or I simply don't understand. I find it very difficult to give a balanced & relevant reply.

This is basically the story of my life! Small talk is a total mystery to me. I feel like I'm fine with listening - when I feel pressure to respond... That is hard... My mind has to search.

Well, I hope I have not overwhelmed you with my stories! I don't need a reply. I am happier knowing that you are doing everything you need for yourself...& When..If you do reply - I know I will feel happy to see your name in my messages.

Merry Christmas @Sophia1 @Appleblossom 😊🌲❤️👍

[Jacques]

hi @Sophia1 merry Christmas or Winter Solstice celebrations. the weird thing is i never wanted to be a parent, that is why i have never had a girlfriend before meeting my partner, i was so terrified of her two girls but over time i have really grown to love them as much as i love their mum. they are amazing girls. 

i hope you are having a nice day tomorrow with your family, i am having christmas with mum and my aunt, we are just having a simple BBQ, which has worked out well at it will be 36 tomorrow. (don't want to be cooking a turkey in that heat!!!!) 

i hope one day i can marry my partner if she wants to and be a proper dad for her girls. i never in a million years thought i could love anyone, i was so so broken before i met her, she has given me a reason to live. without her i would not be alive.

hugs my friend, stay safe, have fun and enjoy the moments of the next week.

Jacques

[Appleblossom]

@Sophia1 Love you Bella.

Even beginning to trust you will keep popping up and that we do have a friendship.  My building of a feeling of trust is slow and new for me, and yes same for @Zoe7 and her art ... we do not have to be in each other's pockets, but I remember the Arbeit sign ... sets us free ... but maybe we can morph it to the garden can set us free. 

@Jacques I am so glad you have persevered and grown and developed a peopled life for yourself , and of course your other interests too.  So glad we all reached out and connected.

@maddison I am thrilled the Durer meant something to you.  Art is funny like that, it can really get under the skin in a good way and stimulate and/or calm us. I think you are a great communicator but accept your sensitivity and shyness might make that hard to believe, but you helped me too.

 @tonys from moon base ... the moonscape is not usually associated with gardens, but can you believe when I started planting my verge and court garden, digging into that hard red clay ... I was feeling like a Martian colonist .. and imagined all the old scfi while doing it.  20 years later and it is explosion of leafy texture and colour.

Spent more time on the outside than the inside prepping for Christmas lunch.  My son gave me a seal of approval and agreed my garden was a very pleasant mess ... 

[maddison]

There is something more than meets the eye in the Dürer etching @Appleblossom . Thanks for showing me. You have said a couple of times that I helped you. I don't know what to say. I'm glad you shared that with me. I think I can be very good at expressing myself - I guess I feel like it's few and far between that I can connect with. I worry that people think I'm odd - I get those looks frequently! I think you have expressed similar. Unique communication styles? I dunno?🌲

[tonys]

@Appleblossom    Warm thanks and Christmas wishes.   May your garden bloom with the love that you feed it.    Your soil,   ...  your soul,   ....   yield,....   to the years of all that you give of yourself,  and bring you the harvest of joy and peace you so deserve.   

I'm sure you figured out way before me that moonbase one is not a destination.   

Its simply all around us.    Whatever our hearts,  minds,  imaginations, ..  can turn into words,  to carry each other through this life.   

 we met before sane,......     we'll  meet after sane..   

 tonys moon base 1