Living with Ourselves

[Sophia1]

Hello @tonys 

You have set me a challenge laugh. Two kites to answer.

I thrive on challenges.

My current state of mind might not respond accordingly though.

Here goes. Hopefully will make sense.

a small campervan on happy trails out west

Enticing most definitely

I shall allow my mind to dream of a journey to happy trails out west.

My first thought was wild west......Northern American Indian culture. I have had a huge interest in this area for as long as I can remember.

I was born within the vicinity. Anonymity keeps me from saying more.

You can probably work it out having said that. No matter.

If you are interested I will send you a link. There are many on you tube..

I have my favourites.

Oh my campervan will need to be protected from reptiles of any breed, size or shape.

This means might have to be suspended in air.

Perhaps you have such a futuristic model at moon base one?

The campfire draws me. I love collecting firewood.

Not too great at rubbing two sticks together though.

I will encourage some native animals to protect my presence with the assistance of the local tribes.

In response to second email.

I am a child and will never grow up.

So no apologies there.

That is what shines through; your ability to be in touch with you, the child.

You will have your own way of describing this as each of us does if open to such a concept.

It is what I sense between your words and within the depths of your thinking that tells me you have a wealth of knowledge from life. Far more valuable than institutional education alone.

I myself have post concussion symptoms that flare up and interfere with my speech without warning.

Mine is classified as mild brain trauma.

However when I look back over my years on this planet I can recall several bumps to my head at different ages.

I fell at two years of age and a piece of jagged wood sticking up from the ground would have done more than leave a visible wound.

All part of the colours of our character.

Many of us on here can account to memory loss due to whatever symptoms of mental unwellness we might experience at any given time.

Trauma is a huge factor in memory loss.

There is little I remember about my childhood.

So no need to apologise about memory loss on here.

I have often been called aloof.

The way I write is not much different to the way I converse with people.

Many people do not listen.

They either cut me off or talk to someone else.

That is the majority of people; focussed on themselves with their eyes and ears closed to the world around them.

I have been a very strong listener from a very young age.

People intrigue me and many in real life annoy me also.

I have always been a one to one person not interested in group conversations.

You have endured much within your lifetime and I truly hope that during your dark moments you can seek your light and find comfort also in knowing that you have made several new friends on the forum.

You are an extremely resourceful person and live your life by these standards which  I congratulate on not judge you.

Please do not apologise for being you.

I do not see you as clumsy at all.

I envisualise you  as being a gentle giant. Somehow I think that you might be tall.

Perhaps that vision comes from the towering strength that you emit throughout your special kites always thoughtfully written to whomever you are responding to.

You most definitely are a special friend for me.

I love your parting words of

here to share the road however rough or mysterious... .. .. .. or wonderful .. when ever, where ever..

Hand on heart it is lovely to have another special  friend on the forums within my circle of friends.

I am also here for you when I can be.

I do not always receive notifications.

I also only receive them via my computer not my mobile phone.

You are part of a family here now @tonys 

Warm thoughts of friendship coursing through the energy waves seeking a very special farm with very special calves.

Two of which are named Sophia and @maddison 

Moo

Sophia1

I have a significant gum tree which is my grounding space

Ps Sorry about the book I wrote and sent  

[Sophia1]

Hello @Jacques 

Thank you so much for replying.

I know that you had mentioned having little energy at the moment.

Reading lengthy responses will not help.

You are definitely in my special friend category.

A part of my family here.

Teenagers their issues will change just as quickly as you might come up with an idea to help.

Always remember you care and do your best.

Jacques care and love is deep and strong for his family and loved ones.

Here for you always

warm energy coming your way

Sophia1

[Sophia1]

My  dear friend @Appleblossom 

I want to take time in replying to you as I know that you worry sometimes about our different styles.

As I am replying to @tonys your difference is what I love about you.

I want to think about what I say.

I am being told to get off of the computer as husband is back from shopping and I must help put stuff away.

Will get back to you I promise.

Do not think that you are any less important in my thoughts either.

As you said we are long term special friends.

warm energy for you

sending love

Sophia1

[Jacques]

hi @Sophia1 lots of hugs my friend, yes i am really struggling with energy and being able to focus for any length of time. my poor partner is getting upset with me having so sleep so much. 

i feel the same way @Sophia1 so many people here feel like family. it feels nice to know people care. 

yes she is a wind one my partners daughter, we are just hoping and praying no one takes advantage of her when she is drunk and hope she does nothing silly and get hurt. she is the most amazing girl she just needs direction. she is so smart and funny. 

how are things with you and your family? how are you going. i don't remember if i told you but i lost a gardenia mum accidently sprayed it with roundup 😞 so i need to replace it. anotherone was really sick but i managed ot save it i think.

im always here for you too my friend, just a message away 🙂

[Jacques]

hi @Sophia1 lots of hugs my friend, yes i am really struggling with energy and being able to focus for any length of time. my poor partner is getting upset with me having so sleep so much. 

i feel the same way @Sophia1 so many people here feel like family. it feels nice to know people care. 

yes she is a wind one my partners daughter, we are just hoping and praying no one takes advantage of her when she is drunk and hope she does nothing silly and get hurt. she is the most amazing girl she just needs direction. she is so smart and funny. 

how are things with you and your family? how are you going. i don't remember if i told you but i lost a gardenia mum accidently sprayed it with roundup 😥 so i need to replace it. anotherone was really sick but i managed ot save it i think.

im always here for you too my friend, just a message away 😊

[Appleblossom]

@Sophia1  we both know that it is the woman's job to put things away ...lol.  

Had a hard week myself.

I am reading a book called Blood on the Rosary.  Am I crazy to put myself through it, but I also read lots of things that really resonate about the good things in Catholic culture that I grew up with and the mentions of familiar and meaningful places to me.  I am writing comments in pen in the margins (naughty) just expressing similarities and differences.

So much ambivalence, so many mixed emotions.

You make the space to reassure me.  Thank you.  I like reading other's relationship like you and @tonys and you and @Jacques. I try and leave space for us all and not intrude but celebrate what I can. 

Sorry @Jacques your dealing with that stuff. Its a stretch and a lot of it does boil down to a little luck that she does not get used and hurt.

Just back from the guerilla garden.  Council poisoned the cooch to enable my flower beds to survive and not get suffocated bit it.  Normally I do not like poisoning, but in this context I guess it is reasonable.  Feeling my work is recognised by the council workers. Not sure if it cos the garden is  now a fait accompli and they simply work around it.  I also met some workers at a christmas bash and they may have put 2 and 2 together it was by me, but it was an obvious "sign", as they have not done it before.  I kind of appropriated and made garden beds along 6 cyclone wire fences near a power substation.  It was all very ugly and now it is established. I started it beginning of Covid when we were in lockdown. Just around the corner from me.

[tonys]

@Sophia1  hello sophia.       With all that is spinning around you took all that time out to spill  your blood on the parchment and send it to me.   I read your carefully chiselled etchings but after a wake i  went to today, i thought best to leave it till clouds opened up  to give your work the respect it deserves.    ...  Then in the small hours of the morn,  that splinter in my mind got the best of me ,

Mate ,     do you know i spent a whole night searching the oceans for you.......   I was so worried,    O k  . I now Know  that you are way more resilient than i thought,     What did i learn from that.    That i care very much about you mate.  ,   

i was hoping for some one to report a sonar contact,   and the today the whole boat appeared.

First time i ever saw i submarine fly.

Yes your visions have not deceived you.     I am a child trapped in the body of a giant.  6 ft 5 in my socks.    Add 3 inches on a bad hair day or post  d i y  electrical work. 

Its hard because I cant hide in my small town,   In a big city,   well im just another grain of sand in the hour glass.   I did get barred from the pub for a week because i walked straight through there double glass doors without seeing them.   Cops said it looked like some one had done a ram raid.    So yes i am awkward and clumsy , but totally harmless.  People often take a wide birth,   I don't blame em.   Its ok.       

Why do i talk about subs with you.       When i first moved here i didnt live in the house for years.    I spent 3 years digging a underground room under my house ,  just to be free of this town ,  people ,  and the endless noise.    The machinery of automatrons .   

Its like being on a submarine,   I took a chance tell you because i think you are one of the few that might get  it.     Total silence

I sleep down there most nights and there are days i don't want to come up either.

People don't listen you say...     Why would they,....... Its of little use if they do.....  they just wouldnt get it....To see you ,  they have to be you,      that takes effort.

Out west .......    mmmm you are very astute.    I guess the snow gives it away.   Wearing socks outside your boots so they stick to the ice ,  plugging the the truck in at night so the engine block doesnt crack,   dont touch steel with bare hands,   4 minutes to get the milk in or it freezes out of the bottle,                The rockys in winter, takes your breath away  doesnt it,   one mistake,  it'll take you life away too.   Not the first to break my body and mind working those mines,  and parts of me, and men better than me,  lay buried under those cold  Alaskan skies...   

Recon you were south of me but the stars are  still the same.  Im just so glad your back, and im going to finish properly when sleep isnt tugging on my flanno.        Its  just so good to have you back ,  and to know i'm part of you're family,    Thankyou sophia.   I never really had or thought id have a familly.      Have a good feeling about this Christmas and thats down to you and the other lovely people that have touched my heart hear.    Stay safe and warm my friend Sophia.    tonys moon base one

[maddison]

Hi @Sophia1 how are you today? Thankyou again for including me in your 'catch up' replies. I thought it was kind of you, considering we hadn't spoken much & it was lovely for me to feel included too!

I think it is great that you had self awareness to know you needed time to yourself. This is an area I could possibly improve in. Self-care in general needs to become a higher priority for me. I had never heard the term 'self-care' before joining this forum. For me, seeing you take time out for yourself - it helped to impress upon me, the value of selflove.

It was also very kind of you to mention that you are interested in knowing more of me! Hmmm, it's quite hard to describe myself. I think maybe, I'm fairly simple or straight forward. I'm quiet & can be very shy. I love people although I'm typically a loner. Maybe an outgoing, likes to be social, loner? I like nearly all things art - strange, abstract or visionary types of art, captivate me. I'm also into my crystals, mystical meditations & I like cleansing myself & the house with sage occasionally. I'm open & interested in new Age type things. I'm terrible with things like conflict, heartbreak or negative type situations. I am learning that I have strengths to navigate them. They take a huge toll on me though.

I know you like gardening? I think that maybe, we both have big hearts?

Thankyou for your kind support & best wishes. I wish the best for you. 

[wordman]

@maddison Hello Maddison. Self care is extremely important to anyone who is willing to place importance in such a pursuit. Remember what our Lord Jesus Christ said, one must love themselves before they can love others. I definitely don't mean this in a narcistic way, after all love is about compassion, understanding, giving, selflessness, ETC. Love does mean many things. I suppose the most important love of all is self love. I discovered that after reading your post we are somewhat similar. You have similar interests as I have. I very much dislike conflict and in all situations of conflict I definitely turn the other cheek. As long as you have me to talk to as well as others you are not a loner. I thought the same of myself for a number of years. I realized the term loner is a negative term used by society to explain people who like to be in their own space. That's exactly what I like to be, be in my own space, where I can enjoy my interests and my joys of life. If you ever want to talk about things relating to God or Jesus I am interested in what you have learnt along your religious journey. 

Kind Regards 

Wordman 

[Jacques]

yes thank you @Appleblossom i really respect your insites into teenager troubles, i have never cared about anyone before in my personal life it feels weird and overwhelming to worry about someone elses safety. i care a lot for my partners children and only want the best for them. as i have got to know them over time i just want them to never experiance what i have had to go through.