Lived Experience Forum

[Eucalypt]

Hi @BlueBay. It's can be hurtful to feel ignored by others. You've done well to finish your  work shift and manage those feelings there til 2pm. As a reminder, if you're concerned about your safety or you'd like counselling support, you can reach out to the following services:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Take good care of yourself today and please do reach out for support if you need to.

[BlueBay]

I can’t do or go into hospital for another month @Owlunar  as I have to do extra shifts while girl is away on leave. 

And I need the extra pay.  

not going on holidays until October. We are paying this holiday off fortnightly so by October it will be paid off. 

Im seeing my psych in early August so I’ll talk to him then about hospital stay. 

I know I’m struggling. 

Gosh I just can’t think. 

[BlueBay]

@Owlunar  How is your holiday? It’s so nice that you’re spending time eith your granddaughter. Is the weather nice? 

Its so icy cold here. And very strong wind. Lots of big trees down my way. Caused lots of damage in the area. 

[Owlunar]

You are having trouble getting things into perspective @Eucalypt  and it is hard for you to think right now

So you need to ask yourself what you can do about this and what you can't and your priorities

To start Huffnpuff cracking it when he feels there is not enough money in your accounts is totally wrong - he finds it too hard to open your on-line accounts which is really immature of him - he has this learned helplessness that is really pathetic - he can do it - at least he can talk it over with you sensibly - cracking it and getting angry and insulting you has to stop!

And your MI is not your fault - if you had a broken hip or a heart attack or something drastic you couldn't work no one would be blaming you - you do work as much as you can so it's really hard that he doesn't see this and yes - I do really know about this kind of thing but my ex knew better than to insult me at least - but he would withdraw into himself and that is hard too - just like Huffnpuff walking away from you when you try and work it out with him - hmmmf

So - you will be seeing your psyche in about 3 weeks - can you hold your breath that long - and hopefully you can get into hospital without being on the waiting list this time so you can be free for your holiday in October - I hope this schedule works out

I am not walking away now - I had to a couple of years back because I didn't realise this was a peer support forum and that I could write honestly - and I always will - I do get upset when people have SI and it's okay to post here and I am strong enough now to deal with it. I had a really bad nightmare a couple of nights ago and next week is the anniversary - I was dreaming that I was telling people that my son had run off and I knew what was going to happen and no one was listening - and it was so horrible - I was so glad to wake up and realise it's a normal dream for this time of year

But here's what's important - I am listening to you - I can hear hear you and I understand - I can also understand that expressing SI is also partly a coping mechanism - you are getting it out of your mouth or your fingers - so to speak - 

If you have a schedule worked out this would be good to know - that you are thinking and planning makes sense,

So - don't let Huffnpuff crack it or give you a hard time - tell him that you have had enough of this - that unless he can say something helpful then he can shut-up

And get onto your psyche's office and leave a message that you are seriously battling and often having SI and feel desperate or whatever words work for you - so he will know when he gets back from leave and you don't have to be on a long waiting list - also let him know you have been working on different issues with your psychologist now and how Huffnpuff's words hurt you and you want to get serious about all of this - it's better to do this now than crash into the programme when you see him again and there are people ahead of you

If you can work and get the extra money good - if you can't then you can't - if you do have some plans then working each day - taking one day at a time will probably work because each day is a day closer and that might just help

I will always care - I always did - I am being honest and as supportive as I can be and seeing the picture you are painting - there is no need to be afraid of people being angry - that is hard for you I understand - 

But please care for yourself and put yourself first - you need someone to care for you as well all do at times and right now it's your turn and I'm telling you that your worthy - you really hard - I know it's hard for you to see yourself so you have to believe everyone here who is writing that - 

Sending hugs - I wish they could be the real ones but they are sent like fair-dinkum bear hugs that can last

Dec

[MDT]

Hey @BlueBay
How are you this evening?
Even just a bit than before

[Shaz51]

ohhh hugs my sister @BlueBay 

[Owlunar]

Hi again @BlueBay 

The weather up here is wonderful - and I have another day and a half of it and I will be back to Melbourne with all the winter weather - it will be a culture shock that I am prepared for

I was out with my grand-daughter yesterday and she drove me around the area and we went to a lookout - the beaches are lovely. I can hear the surf up here but I had trouble finding my way through the scrub to the beach but I found it - I enjoyed sitting on the look-out on the dunes and watching the surf - I went there twice - I love walking a lot when I am away - and my grand-daughter is coming here tomorrow to see the complex which is huge and incredible - I could not imagine this from google maps but here I am

I got a couple of photos of the beach which I will try to get into my computer from my phone - my phone is seriously past it's best-by date but I might be able to transfer a couple of them

I know you are having a really bad time - perhaps focussing on the big picture about getting up here to the Sunshine Coast in October might help getting through one day at a time - I hope so

Dec

[BlueBay]

Hey @MDT I’ve still got this terrible headache. I reckon it’s stress and worry. I think an early night   Hopefully it will go. 

Im just not sure how to cope anymore. I guess I just need to cope day by day even hour by hour. 

Hope you’re doing ok. I know you were struggling a bit. And it’s great you’ve applied for more jobs. 

Thsnks for being here ❤️

[BlueBay]

Hi @Owlunar  yeah I csnt wsit for our holiday. 

I’m stressing because I know that hubby will complain about money. But if he does I will say to him that what he’s saying affects my mentsl health. 

I don’t need another weekend where I’m so anxious  but I’m so stressed. 

Thsnk you for been so open and honest with me. To be honest with you I was really upset when I didn’t chat to you. But I now understand. I’m so glad we are here now fir each other. 

Thsnks for the lovely big hugs. 

Im glad you’re having a great time away. Make sure you rug yo when you come back. 

Chat soon my friend ❤️❤️

[BlueBay]

Thsnks @Shaz51 for the hugs 

hugs back to you too ❤️❤️