Lived Experience Forum

[kristin]

Hi Karen,

I'm not sure that @Rick is well enough to respond at the moment - he also is going through a terribly difficult time at the moment, but I'm sure he will if he can. I'm so glad you are reaching out to others on the forum and asking questions. Here are a couple of other threads Rick has started and shared some of his journey here and here . You will probably notice the sign-off line - hope endures -  is something he started, and quite a few of us have taken up.

Take care of you Karen, and please keep posting and asking questions.

Kindest regards, 

Kristin

[sara]

Hi @Rick

I'm not yet officially diagnosed as of yet only just had my second therapy session. But my therapist is thinking PTSD, anxiety, depression so far (EEPP).

I also have been told i have been though the big 3 with the one abuser (physical,mental and ummm yea you can guess) Do I accept this yet im not so sure but I'm a work in progress

[kristin]

Hey @sara 

How is it going with you and your kids? Itis hard as hell trying to find help for yoursel and your kids, and hold it together for your kids through the hard stuff about facing up to abuse you've suffered and the implications of that. I know that road, and it can be long and hard - it can also be very rewarding. I really admire your strength and courage in getting out. This is a huge step. 

I am so sorry for all you've suffered, no one should have to endure that. The reality is it hapeens and we are left with the pieces to put back together. I can honestly say this is very worthwhile stuff to work on, and whilst the puzzle will never look like it did before the work can be full of surprising insights and gifts. So I wish you good journeying. Know there is always a light on for you here if it gets dark on the road. Keep posting.

Hope endures...

Kindest regards, 

Kristin

[sara]

not so good

The last few days have been hell 

I dont know how i don't know if i can i dont know

[CherryBomb]

Hi @sara 

I'm sorry to hear that things aren't great for you right now.

Are you safe? I worry when i hear statements like, 'I don't know if I can I don't'.

As Kristin mentioned counselling can be tough at first, but this can help with the healing process. There is truth in that it sometimes can harder before it get better. It can be hard, but these feelings will pass. 

If things are getting too overwhelming and you feel at risk, please call emergency services:

Lifeline 13 11 14
Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467
If in immediate danger: 000

[sara]

safety??

in our worlds what is safety......

from my ex..... i think so

from my own mind...... I don't know

scudial thoughts.....no i'm just blank i don't know there is nothing there anymore just a shell but how much more can the shell stand before the stress fractures break............ I dont know

[CherryBomb]

Hi Sara,

It can be pretty scary when everything feels like you're just waiting for the straw tho break the camel's back. 

You have come so far from when you first posted here, from realising that you need help to reaching help. That shows me you have a great resource - hope and strength (remembers there's strength in vulnerability). Remember these things. 

Keep reaching out, you don't need to go through this alone. 

[hiddenite]

Hi Sara

Why don't you come and join me by the bonfire, there is plenty of room under my blanket for the both of us. I could use the company.

Sometimes I feel like a bunch of symptoms and labels that I don't exist anymore.

Please remember you are not your illness, thoughts come and go. They are just thoughts, they don't define who you are, and you don't have to act on them. Accept them for what they are just thoughts.

Please take care and stay safe

Karen

[kristin]

Well said Karen! Sara I second this my friend, it is a hellish road sometimes.

I know for so many years the only thing that stopped me from even allowing myself to think about suicide as an option, let alone considering acting on those feelings, was the love I have for my children. I can tell you from first hand experience that the pain is handed to those who love us most who are left behind; and for you Karen and I that is first and foremost our kids. Even when we feel we have and are nothing we hold this candle of love for them that we must keep alight no matter what - for their sakes even when we cannot for our own.

Take care of you my friend. You are doing so well, but the pain and overwhelming giref are huge. If you can allow yourself to - grieve, even if you need to watch a sad movie or listen to sad music to help the tears flow. It might give you some relief from the numbing blackness.

Sounds like we really need that bonfire roaring again tonight, for us to gather round and offer a toast to this beacon of enduring hope...

Kindest regards, 

Kristin

[sara]

reaching out??

another term of drifferent meanings

here......here is good i can blurt anything and you know what i mean you know where it comes from

my therpist...... i know its only been 3 sessions but this last one seemed to all about my parents..... I know my parents are all sorts of messed up. that as the only child from the first marriage i was only used to "get at" each parent (oooo look she is living with me and not you) money either centrelink or child support (mother wanted me to move home on my 19th birthday which she forgot after she told me i wasnt welcome at home anymore with nothing a week after my 18th birthday because i was an adult now because she wanted centrelink) or as a baby sitter for my younger siblings ( i was looking after toddlers at 10 for about 9hrs at a time on school holidays because my parents worked). then there was the child phsycologist because i was damaged in some way unknown still to me this day who would tell my step mother every word i said which she would then twist for her own plans. the comparison to my half/step brothers and sisters and how wonder full they were how broken i was and i probly looked it too to the outside world with my siblings never wanting of anything while i was like cinderella second had clothing (down to my underwear) forced to leave school without my vce which i wanted because they wouldnt pay for it and my part time job couldnt i wanted to go to uni........... all past now

kids therpistis........ well i still cant get my boy in one at this point unless i want to pay 250 per session and my daughters appointed therpist im very uncomphy with her at this point after telling her the whole story of me the ex and the kids the first thing she wanted to do was bring the ex into out sessions... i dont think so *shudders*

my ex....... dealing with him daily at the moment is a nightmare and brings on nightmares and day dreams..... I have ended up getting my lawer to be the go between cause im not coping

a job......HA i wish i the last couple of months i have applied for over 200 jobs and still unemployed... no vce only a cert 2 and 3 in medical admin single mother who would want me ( i have seen carees people from a dozen drifferent place there no help) 

money...... no job, centrelink 1117 fortnight when rent is over 1500 pluse 2 school camps for my son 485 his school photos 50 my daughter birthday and easter and thats before any other bill or food or petrol, and thank you Mr Abbot cuttin the food bank budjet by 50% this year they can bearly help anybody

talking of rent i'm being evicted from my current rental in May so the landlord can give the house to her son trying to find a drifferent rental in this market pluse find bond rent money for the carpets to be don pluse the move it self is daunting.

oh and my therpist is strongly suggesting i don't go back to work for a couple of years till my youngest is in school........ how do i not i cant live

ok falling apart now