Lived Experience Forum

[Maggie]

You’re an early bird @CheerBear . Hope you are ok. Listening if you would like. Sitting if that’s better. 💛💛

The wall is looking much better today. I might sand back the plaster today, then paint the patch. Bunnings are great. The young guy was so helpful.

My first coffee is already finished. I had a fur baby wanting to be up 2 hrs ago. We’ve been playing.

[CheerBear]

Morning @Maggie 😊 Early bird is still getting me sometimes. 3 somethings are not ideal but it is what it is. I had a really tough afternoon waiting to hear from Mr Grey after he had a long conversation with someone (being very careful here). I was nearly not a secret anymore which felt scary and real, though he decided the timing wasn't right. All kinds of bananas stuff was going through my head mostly 'what am I doing' kind of questions. We spent quite a bit of time talking after it, both saying it really is worth it for us to try even though it's very hard at times. Then had an incredibly close (that's the only word I can find to describe it) night together. What am I doing and who even am I? :face_with_rolling_eyes:😑😏 It's good but scary and tricky and not my normal.

I'm happy to hear the wall is better today. How was kind of friend? Bunnings are awesome and so often helpful and patient when it comes to DIY-ing all kinds of things I have no idea how to DIY 😆 Hopefully the sand and paint finishes it up well.

Naughty furbaby but that company and play is lovely ❤ Rocket has been up doing the same for a while. She's puppy in cat body I think!

How's today looking for you?

[Maggie]

It is tricky, tough and scary @CheerBear , with other nice stuff mixed in between.

Are you happy with the timing not being right stuff?? Why is the timing wrong ?

I guess I’m asking because secrets aren’t a good thing from my experience. My ex played games, kept secrets. I don’t want to be a damp blanket, just be careful.

Your words yesterday concerned me. “ dirty little secret”. There is nothing dirty about you @CheerBear . I’m just coming from a place of concern. I know it’s tricky, really I do. I care about you, that’s why I’m saying this. I really want you to be happy. You deserve happiness, and Mr Grey might well be just that. 💚💛

Kind of friend, oh, all I can do is sigh. Messy, and then some. But it’s done.

Yes, fur babies. I think my girl has a lot of cat in her. Most cats are bigger than she is.

[CheerBear]

I believe you care and I'm really thankful for that @Maggie. I only feel genuine care when we talk and appreciate how gently you remind me to be careful. Thank you ❤

I'm happy with the timing not being right. There is a hurting person out there before this is added and littles involved who need processing time before more processing of other stuff. I haven't asked him to out this and won't. I don't want to add pressure anywhere.

I think the dirty secret feels come from messages everywhere in the world Maggie 🙁. Ideas about 'the other woman'. Judgement about what kind of person she must be. Unnecessary blame being placed on women (always), like a man can't possibly be held responsible for their choices. Ownership of people. Homewrecking stuff. This is super hard 🙁

Messy kind of friend - also hard Maggie. Again wishing you had the friendships you deserve. Healthy ones that build you up and appreciate you just for being you.

I smiled thinking that you have a cat puppy and I have a puppy cat 🐶🐱❤ And that many cats are bigger than her. I think I caught what breed she is somewhere recently. Until then I thought she was a corgi for some reason!

[Maggie]

You have a good head on your shoulders @CheerBear . I understand the other hurting person who deserves respect, and the littles. Thanks. That has cleared the fog building in my mind.

Yes, I get the ‘ woman blame’ stuff.

It was a strange situation with my ex and his person. I actually knew her well, looked after her two fabulous girls. She was a nice enough person. My ex blamed me for everything, and I was happy to take the blame. Honesty, back then would have made things not so tricky. So I’m coming from that place I think. But I get it. I really get it. 💙💙💙

Kind of friend is always going to be messy @CheerBear . My problem there is, I can’t see ahead ( still ). We think differently, we live differently. I keep falling into the same traps. Kicking butt again. But I don’t see any other ways around this. I’ve tried in the past, and the fishing nets are cast again, and yes, I’m on the hook. Seriously brain messy stuff. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

She’s a chihuahua @CheerBear, with a huge personality and attitude. I love her more than words could say. She loves me back, just as much.

[CheerBear]

Sighing with you @Maggie. Relationships of all kinds can be so tricky to navigate. You're doing so well at working through this, though I get it's hard.

Love the huge personality and attitude ❤ There's a lot to be said for that I think. And for the reciprocal, unconditional love felt.

I'm sorry you were so hurt Maggie. You were not to blame. Blaming you seems like an attempt to avoid responsibility and to pass it on where it doesn't belong. One person made the choices he did.

I'm feeling awful talking about Mr Grey here when I know many have been hurt by situations like this. My heart and my head are jumbled and torn. I really don't want anyone to hurt 🙁.

I better get ready for work (I need hours to prepare for anything 😑). Lots of driving this afternoon too.

Big ❤ Thanks for being you.

[Maggie]

You are not responsible for the hurt many of us here have gone through @CheerBear . We are all adults. I can only speak for myself, but I am guilty in part for the breakup, he was guilty also. It took years for me to see that, ( his guilt).

I hope the gig goes well. Take care driving.💛💚💜💙❤️

You are amazing @CheerBear 👍👍👍👍

I 

[Maggie]

@CheerBear  I’ve painted my wall, part of, and my front door surrounding. Looks ok enough.

While I was painting, I was thinking, and thinking, then some more thinking. 

There are more similarities in our situations than I had thought of originally. When you said earlier you feel awful talking about this here, because many have been hurt like this. I have felt just that about my church stuff. Many have been hurt by this kind of situation ( me included). I also don’t want anyone to be hurt. But there’s more going on than that, so much more. 

Thats just the tip of the iceberg. So, I’m standing firm with you in and through this. I believe in you. I am proud of you. ❤️❤️

[Zoe7]

Good morning @Maggie @CheerBear Much love to you both 

@CheerBear I understand your feelings about your situation but also that it is super tricky Hon. I am not going to pretent that I agree with how this is playing out - especialy in regard to the other person not yet being told - but I do know every situation is different. You are a wonderful person who has been through so much and deserve love and companionship also. I do value honesty though and believe that it is necessary to have in any relationships. Whilst I do not know the situation with Mr Grey and his family I am hearing that you don't want anyone to be hurt ...unfortunately that is going to happen and in my experience the sooner those conversations are had the better - for all concerned. I very much want for this to work out for you but also feel that starting out with having to hide what is going on is not healthy for anyone. Please look after yourself CB - your feelings here matter very much but there are more people involved here too that also need to be considered and Mr. Grey needs to step up and have those conversations to allow whatever this is between you two to have 'clear air' to develop. I don't think I am saying anything that you have not thought yourself - knowing the caring and compasionate person you are I would see you struggling with all these things yourself - and it is tricky for everyone - so please look after yourself in all this Hon because your feelings matter here too.

[eth]

Hi @CheerBear @Maggie  hope today is a good one for you both and that things get clearer in both of your relationships sooner than later.

Great to hear from you @Former-Member   Enjoy the new teapot!

Take care to all here xx