Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Littletink_]

Hi guys,

I haven’t been on for some time but there’s something I’m really struggling with at the moment and would like some advice on. My partner has Bipolar Type 2, a form of autism and a few other Mental Illnesses. Recently she (my partner) posted something on social media about dealing with Autism as it is Autism Awareness month. Her sister then sent her a message telling her that she doesn’t have Autism and that she has to be really severely affected to even be considered as someone with Autism and proceeded to tell her that she needs to cut the shit out ect and that if she keeps it up it’s going to affect her life. I AM SO FRURIATED because she does have a form of Autism and is affected by it every day. Who does that?!?!!!! For some reason her family doesn’t accept the fact and won’t accept or acknowledge the fact that she has Autism and a mental illness and continue to fill her head with crap about herself. They are really unsupportive and say awful things to her and she just takes it and won’t stand up for herself and I don’t know how long I can go without saying something or if I should say something it’s jusr so awful it hurts to watch her go through this crap with her family all the time they treat her like a piece of dirt. I am really worried that she is going to do something one day because she won’t be able to take it anymore

[Former-Member]

Oh @Littletink_ so sorry to hear the outlaws are not supportive.

@Queenie - I know you don't venture over to the carers side much but is this a situation you may be able to help Littletink_ with?

How are you keeping yourself?

Darcy

[Littletink_]

It is so frustrating and hard @Former-Member. Just when she is making progress we go a few steps backwards. It’s awful having to see her so upset when they ring up. The things that they say to her do real damage and really slow down her progress on getting better. I’m not sure what to do about it.

I am going okay. I have really been battling with my Mental Health issues lately. And I have just had foot surgery so I am currently in a cast and house bound. Just trying to get through day by day at this stage. How are you doing @Former-Member?

[Queenie]

Hey there @Littletink_, I'm sorry to hear the outlaws are being awful to your partner. My own family has alienated me due to my mental health conditions and have told me on many occasions that they are not interested in my mental health. I've tried to educate them by sending them books and resources, but they were returned to me unopened. 

I've therefore hit upon the fact there are only certain things I can discuss with them now. If the worst happens and I am hospitalised, I do not discuss this with them. I talk about things I am doing well (like study) rather than how my disability affects my life. I do not talk to my family much at all, but that is more about them than it is about me. They aren't in my life that much. My major trigger is my Father, as he runs very cold towards me and just when I think life is going well, bam he will call and throw my life into turmoil again. These days I choose the communication form, which I have chosen as email. I can choose to answer or even to read them. 

I'm not saying your partner has to cut contact with her family, rather, perhaps she could choose how to communicate with them. Sadly I've discovered you can't change other people, all you can do is protect yourself so you aren't easily damaged. 

[Former-Member]

Sounds like it has all been happening for you @Littletink_ foot surgery sounds painful, has your partner stepped up a little, if I recall she was struggling with motivation previously.

Things a bit sad here, buried one of our beloved whippets last week, Mr D not coping at all well ...

[Littletink_]

Thank you for your advice @Queenie. I am so sorry that you have been through a similar situation. I do feel bad for her because she doesn’t hear from her family much and doesn’t have that support but in a way I guess I am grateful because they are very cold and unhelpful when they do. That sounds very similar to what is going on here. It is usually her dad that calls too and he is not very nice at all and then yes her life goes into turmoil as well. It is awful. Maybe I could suggest email as a way of contact I’m not sure if she would go for it or not but I know she won’t cut them out of her life because she loves them and I understand that. I think she may be scared to stand up to them especially her father. I have said to her that she doesn’t have to answer when he calls if she doesn’t want to and she knows that but she usually does and goes through turmoil all over again. It saddens me a lot.

Yeah I have another 9 or so days until I get my walking boot and I won’t know until then if I can put full weight on it or not. Yeah she has been helping me with what I am unable to do for myself which is nice but it is definitely a new thing for her. It’s more helping around the house that I struggle to get help with. I always have to ask her to do something otherwise it won’t get done. I’m not sure if it’s an autism thing or not. But most likely the depression as I have it pretty severely myself so I do understand but it does get frustrating at times especially when I am immobile. Oh I am so sorry to hear that @Former-Member 😞 It is never easy losing a pet they are such great companions. Was she very old?

[Littletink_]

How do you go without any family support @Queenie?

[Former-Member]

I am pleased your partner is able to be helping out a bit @Littletink_ even though you need to ask, hope this continues after your foot gets better.

Our lad was 11 1/2, not so old but had a suspected endocrine condition.

Thanks @Queenie

[Queenie]

It's a hard road, I'm not going to deny that. I am not completely alone though, I have my Mrs and she is like my rock. I think we understand each other because we both live with MH conditions and are able to support each other. My Mrs has family who doesn't accept her conditions and ridicules her too, so we have a level of understanding with each other.

The fact that I have had no family support for most of my life, in some ways it gets easier with time. The emotions aren't so raw anymore. Yes, I still get thrown especially at Christmas and Birthdays, but you know, it honestly does get easier as the years go by. I don't shed tears anymore over loneliness and despair or even anger. I have to accept it is what it is. 

[Littletink_]

Thanks @Former-Member. I hope that Mr. Darcy starts to feel a little better soon. I’m sorry @Queenie. It would be extremely difficult. But I’m glad you have your Mrs. I guess I am just going to have to start accepting that this is how they are and I can’t change them. As hard as it is experiencing their behaviour. It’s a tough one because if I say anything to them (obviously in the nicest way possible) about the treatment of my partner I don’t think it would go down very well and could possibly make things worse between her and her family.