Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member

Thank you for your mesage and its lovely to hear from you again.

I'm not sure how I feel but unspported mite to describe it best. Just have quite a difficult family. I have been getting out still from time to time.

I went down to see my brother yestaerday after my specialist appointment and my sisterin law is quite jealous of me and insecure. I can't dercibe how she makes me feel but I know she does not think much of me. After leaving there home about 8.30pm, and it is very dark up the driveaway and I can't see in front of myself and I was scared walking up the driveway and its quite a long driveway and my car is parked on the opposite side of the street. And noone offered to walk me to my car to make sure I got in my car okay. I then drove two hours and not a phone call to see if I arrived home okay or anything. So thats why I said I feel so alone and just feel like they don't care. Growing up me and my brother were close and this really hurts me.

[utopia]

@Former-Member. How painful to feel that they don't care. And painful no one checked you were home safe.
I think part of my successes in climbing out of my depression has been knowing that people care about me.
As hard as it might be, it might be a good time for a one on one chat with your brother. Without his wife. As you say, you were close. I bet he would want to know how you are feeling & how you need him to show he cares.A simple ph call to check that you are home. He pprobably didn't even think of it - without meaning to be hurtful. But maybe he thought you were going ok. Did you have yourmask on? I know I wear my too much ssometimes and it gives people the impression that I'm ok. When I'm not.
Only you know if going into hospital is the right thing for you now. Do you feel safe enough to stay at home? Do you feel strong enough to stay at home.
Having no strength left to fight alone at home doesn't mean you're weak. It means you are tired because you have been fighting on your own for so long. It is a sign you need a rest and you need to let others (hospital) care for you for a while.
You want to be cared for. Can you do it alone?
I have been to hospital this year. I had no strength left to fight my SI any more. But I had the strength to fight enough to get into the hospital where I knew I would be safe and cared for.
Hopefully you will get some sleep tonight and maybe think about it in the morning. And see how you feel then. Just remember, you are not alone. We are here.

[Former-Member]

Oh my sweet @Former-Member - you deserve so much better than how your brother and his wife treated you. Were they treating you coldly the whole time you were there?

Is this behaviour out of character for your brother? Or was it a one off? Is your brother having marital difficulties?

It is very hurtful my friend when those we love treat us carelessly - it sounds like your brother is under pressure from a controlling wife and he isn't strong enough to stand up to her. Not good.

I was thinking along the lines of @utopia in regards to talking to your brother about how you are feeling - perhaps ask him if he is alright and that you miss the closeness you had. Preferably without the knowledge and interference of his wife. It's personal between the two of you - ask him if he could keep it that way. 

I think I remember you telling me that your parents were kind and you had a good relationship with them. Can you talk to them about the situation with your brother and that you are feeling unsupported? How are they acting towards you at the moment?

One thing is for sure my friend - if you feel there is no one in real life that you can turn to for support and family has let you down - then how you are feeling now, low and anxious, is normal. If you feel you can gain that support from hospital then that is a good thing (I know you can't take medication - so this hospital stay I presume would be therapy etc only).  But if I may suggest - are there any face to face support groups where you can freely talk about how you are feeling and gain help and nurture friendships? I feel this is more of a long term solution for you that would help you not feel so alone and isolated. As well as joining different interest groups/courses and/or volunteer work - even if only one day per week. Different groups were you interact with others freely (not isolating). 

In my line of volunteer work I have met so many people who are feeling alone and unsupported like yourself that find the friendships at the shop so uplifting - it makes a huge difference to their lives (volunteering and meeting people). I would like to see that for you too. What do you think? You have so much to offer @Former-Member and this will help build your confidence. 

In the meantime we are here for you my friend. You have friends here and we would like to support you as you are valuable to us. Post everyday if you need to and we will be there for you. Sending lots of love xxx

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member, Sounds like its a real put-down being around your sister in law. Pitty she doesn't realise she's adding to the pain. Guess you were hoping for a 'friend' - rejection hurts, know it well. Its unfortunate your mum took an OD & planned to leave you all and set in your path an 'option' - a destructive coping strategy that only adds to suffering - her choices don't have to be yours Deep down she'd be proud of you for not following her lead on this one. So keep your head above water, stop & float when you need a rest. I'm proud of you for exploring positive coping strategies. I know someone who goes into hospital when she needs a supportive break (private system of cause), and she finds it helpful. I tend to go backwards in hospital, but your higher self will know what's best to help you stay afloat. You're so worth it. Hope you get another beautiful springlike day soon to go sit or walk on the beach. You're doing OK. Give dog a big hug from me. Let's have a cyber group hug 🙂

[Appleblossom]

@Former-Member

I dont know about hospital, I have never been able to get admitted.If you can manage out its better ... and give you confidence in your decision not to go in last fortnight.

Even the tiny bit you just posted is a huge burden for a young child to carry.

Glad you had a close feeling with your brother. I did with mine.

There a couple of scenarios ... SIL  may be jugemental and unable to develop compassion and understanding or - she may be at the beginning of that road.  If she genuinely loves your brother .. then her job is to try and understand ... yes try and connect with him alone .. and try and educate her a bit.

 I saw my son's girl tonight .. her life is opposite to mine in some ways (has a gorgeous capable loving educated father) and the same as mine in others (she reminded me of me more than my own daughters) ... its weird ... we are both still trying, hugged quickly and came home .. both worried about my son who went AWOL. He is fine ...I am telling this story as I have been posting about her .. it is simlar in that it is the beginning of developing extended family culture ... and trying to show how things can be dynamic .. not fixed in concrete.

try not to throw the baby out with the bathwater in relationships.

It would hurt to feel looked down when you have already suffered and endured ... I had that too.

I do believe in the value of writing about it ... getting it out ... reflecting on it ... sharing .. maybe getting feedback ...

Even if your mum was desperate when you were young ... there is sure to be many extenuating circumstances. So you should not have to feel shame for and yourself as well as go through all that. These things dont happen in a vacuum .. or because we lost out in the genetic lottery ... so telling the story ... from this angle and then another angle .. helps us gain clarity and forgive or understand why people ..often our parents ... did what they did.

My thing with the Royal Commission .. is that now I understand dad was not just mad ... he had a whole lot of other characteristics and strengths ... and there were .... and ALWAYS are reasons.

I am not as nice in how I post .. I am old and tough gnarly ..  but I do care about you ... we all try and give in different ways.

You have added a lovely energy to the forum .. dont let the pain overwhelm ...

Go gently

[Former-Member]

Hello @Appleblossom, how ya doing?

[Appleblossom]

1/4 to 6

and son and I have been up  all night ... I might give him a lift to the station soon

I am ok .. well past midnight snack of cinnamon lemon and sugar pancakes with my boy helped.

How are you?

[MoonGal]

@Former-Member - so sorry to hear you are so down and feel so unloved and unacknowledged. 

Relationships with others are so hard. I have come to realise that mostly what people do has very little to do with me really. And disspointment is easy to generate when we have expectations. Everyone is doing the best they can, and that can be pretty crap really, esoecially if we are feeling alone and want them to give, do or be something they are not doing, being or giving us.

That utter feeling of aloneness... is crippling. I wonder if your wondering if you should not have cancelled admission to hospital is adding to your feelings of low selfworth. Second guessing ourselves like that is hurtful really, you made a decision. Now is another day and time and another decision may be called for.

I have not ever been hospitalised for any of my MI conditions, so do not know what inside is like, but if it makes you feel safe for a while and gives you breathing space to sort stuff out and strengthen yurself for the outside then maybe it is right for you. 

Huge gentle hugs and just want to sit and have a cuppa with you and talk about anything... Like what makes your heart sing, when you have been well, what things have mad eyou glad to be alive? 

Take care of you in there @Former-Member .... You are precious.

[Former-Member]

Ahh @Former-Member - just read what happen with your mother when you were a young girl. I never knew this - it would of had a such profound effect on you mentally and emotionally. Did anyone help you through at this time?Hugs.

It sounds like there is quite an age gap between you and your brothers and your mum had you later in life. She could of been going through the mid life change - major depression can result and irrationality can set in - especially those days as there was absolutely no help for sufferers (not a whole lot now either). And sometimes we do things not because we don't love our family but because we aren't thinking straight. Please don't let this effect your own personal value and worth as I am sure there is deep regret lying in your mothers heart. You are special my friend.

I hope you are having a better day. Thinking of you. Much love x

[Bridgetjones]

Hi oceangirl73, how are you going today? hope you are feeling better