Lived Experience Forum

[Rabbitohs2022]

@TuxedoCat, @hanami  and@Appleblossom  - I am finding it difficult to deal with the mother and her family.

They now don't want me to spend time outdoors with Samuel (our son) and complained to the Support Services for the outdoor weekend visits on the 17th and 18th of this month. They want the visits to stay permanently indoors now.

The court orders from last year do not prohibit me from doing supervised visits outdoors. It just said that the visits had to be supervised.

What can I do? I feel like I am constantly having to go back and forth using solicitors.

[TuxedoCat]

Hey @Rabbitohs2022, honestly, I'm really not sure what you can do.

I can only imagine how frustrating this would be, with more and more difficulties. 

Like I said earlier, I don't think the forums are the best place to get advice on family situation which have some legal things involved. Have you called or been to the website of the Family Relationship Advice Line? I think they're probably the best place to get some advice on this. 

Where the forums can really help is coping emotionally with what you're experiences and relate to any similar experiences we've had. I hope that makes sense ❤️ 

[Appleblossom]

@Rabbitohs2022 

I am not feeling the wisdom for your son in your exes legal posturing.

Some of it may be bluff, but I cannot advise on legal stuff as had my own fingers burned and avoid it if possible.  Some of it may be because he is having a good time and thriving.

Surely outdoors with his dad for a growing boy is a good thing.

Not sure if you are in a big city, but maybe mixing it up a visit to something like science works or a zoo ... but all that costs money and you are giving her the money you should be able to use for these outings. Still to demonstrate your flexibility it might help ... some big musuem ... like on tall sailing ships ... summer is coming up ... slip slop and slap ... and a cap... not sure how the lawyers allow such a quibble.

Good luck

[Appleblossom]

@TuxedoCat I called the advice line for myself and still not processed all the info but found them good.  Thank You very much for the link. 

However I wonder if a fear of legalism limits and prohibits NORMAL discussion these days about living life, growing up, ages and stages and parenting and sharing and community.  I am old fashioned enough to be concerned about the current tendency for general restrictions in what should be up for discussion .... even in the mental health scene ... we do not want, or at least I do not want everything normal about LIFE to became proscribed with only so called 'experts' allowed to chime in.

I am also wary about severing the 'emotional' from the whole of a person and the whole of life.

[TuxedoCat]

@Appleblossom I'm glad you found the service useful. What was useful about calling them?

And thanks for that feedback too. I think you're right, separating experiences, actions and emotions can be not useful. And I hear you about 'experts' sometimes taking precedence. 

I think I'm just keen to make sure that @Rabbitohs2022 can get legal advice where needed because I know family courts etc. can a really difficult and traumatising experience and I would hate for it to go awry. 

But I really love your suggestions on alternatives around the situation too. I think those everyday experiences are really where our lived experiences can shine through ❤️ 

[Appleblossom]

@TuxedoCat  Thanks for your thoughtful post and "getting me".  They sent a Grandparents pack and suggested a lower 'counselling' escalation option than mediation, so I felt fired up with some basic human rights.

@Rabbitohs2022 My inlaws ... are opposite and very much outdoors people with our mutual child. We spoke of milestones ... with a huge grain of salt ... cos we both have lots experience and perspectives from our professional and personal lives.

Still not sure about role of dads in this society tho... Find your own way .... dont give up.  I am still grateful for all the things my dad did for me before he died.  I doubt I would have survived without those healthy positive feel good experiences.... on a boat, learning to swim and dive, or whatever ...

[TuxedoCat]

@Appleblossom ❤️ no need to thank me! That is so awesome that they helped you get fired up like that! A grandparents pack sounds so useful. I'm going to explore the website a bit more! 

[Rabbitohs2022]

@TuxedoCat thanks for your information. Can you advise how I can edit my username?

[TuxedoCat]

@Rabbitohs2022 email communitymanagers@sane.org and we'll do it on our end 😊 

[Appleblossom]

@Rabbitohs2022 anonymity is important on a forum like this.  I will edit my post to remove identifying details, but I wanted to encourage you. In my family some of the men got a rum deal which cannot be undone, so I try and be even handed re all that stuff. I can butt out. 

Good Luck.