Lived Experience Forum

[Appleblossom]

@Rabbitohs2022 

Keep your love for your son alive in your heart.

I am separated but would NEVER prevent a child from seeing their biological parents if they were reasonably decent. 

is well established that humans of either sex are not perfect and for the complexities of child raising Good Enough is ENUFF.

https://forestpsychology.com.au/good-enough-parenting/#:~:text=Good%20Enough%20Parenting%20is%20a,ol... 

Pretence at being perfect starts all sorts of problems.  

Not sure why Family Courts are so messed up.  

Cant say I am always impressed by the female side of the stories, though i am female. A lot of the seem pretty spoiled and immature to me. I def am proud of my half bloke side.

Self care Dignity and maybe one day ...

[Rabbitohs2022]

@Appleblossom thanks for your advice.

The mother is fully aware I pay for child support, out of pocket medical expenses, purchase toys and clothing for our son Samuel but still has a view of giving me limited access and with supervision. I currently get only 4 hours a month with Samuel.

I am hoping my luck changes in the future.

[Appleblossom]

Not much faith in courts. 

Maybe your boy will twig later, like I eventually did about my father.

Hang in there for him @Rabbitohs2022 

[hanami]

These situations break my heart @Appleblossom 

My friend has had a horrid separation from her husband but she still takes the kids over to his parent's place and includes them all the time. She says, it was their son who was a so and so not his parents. 

I hope you can one day enjoy your grandson again x

[Appleblossom]

 @hanami Thanks

@Rabbitohs2022 

Heaps experience with courts and the dept ... not impressed... none yet re our current littlie.

[Rabbitohs2022]

@Appleblossom 

I took our son Samuel for an outdoor park visit one month ago on a Saturday and Sunday. At the park, our son fell down a few times and it wasn't my fault. This was noted in the contact centre reports.

Afterwards, the mother and the grandfather took our son to the doctor - they got a medical certificate and photo of the graze/bruise and informed my solicitor. They blamed me for Samuel tripping over his feet on one day and falling off the spinner machine.  It's these type of things which are annoying and difficult to handle.

[Appleblossom]

@Rabbitohs2022 

I would call it a lot more than annoying and not in the best interests of the child. Sounds like hostility, almost harrassment and I guess the lawyers get rich while the child suffers. Taking you at your word and that he was not badly hurt.  If you have done your due diligence re anger management, they should put it to rest.  It is well documented that kids need rough and tumble play and kids get excited and fall over their feet when doing fun things with their dad.

She, your ex, seems keen  to collect evidence ...  Collecting evidence to build a case, may tend towards fabricating a case.  My ex was like that with his ex before me. I was conned, put up with it for 16 years. I am sick of people demonising the other parent.  Because the prevalence of domestic violence seems to have gone up since then, not down, and stories of heartbreak seem more common ... makes one wonder ...  where all the expertise is leading to ...

Last Saturday, we had a similar thing, but nowhere as bad. He fell over his feet cos M had brought a soccer ball but it was still too big for him to manage. We just kept trying to keep him on grass, so it was softer for when he fell ... 

For anonymity it is best to use a pseudonym or often a letter or something, rather than the real name. I am also going to edit my posts later to remove identifying details, if anything were to get serious in that realm.

[Rabbitohs2022]

@Appleblossom What should I do moving forward? My ex complains every time I make contact to discuss Samuel. I now no longer contact her through mobile and email.

Moving forward after final parenting orders are made, should I just get a solicitor to send her letters in the future to ask questions regarding school, medical and welfare concerns?

[Appleblossom]

Not sure @Rabbitohs2022 

I guess priming a solicitor to regularly ask those questions, and include an insistence that you are advised of any serious, illness, experience or major life event.  She wants to play it the legal way, not the forgiving and keep things best possible for the children way.

I am not a legal person ... so get their input.  

Edit: I listened to RN yesterday ... about the right of access to biological parents for a whole host of reason ... including medical and identity ... slightly different from your situation ...it was re foster kids and adoption ... same issues re growing child's sense of self ... and each individual's psychosocial realities.

[TuxedoCat]

hey @Rabbitohs2022 so sorry this is how things are working out for you. I imagine it's sad having to think about using a solicitor to communicate this way ❤️ 

Thank you @Appleblossom for sharing your experiences here too. I think given that this could be a legal issue for you and you're thinking about getting a solicitor involved, I would really recommend getting some independent legal advice. You could try the Family Relationship Advice Line, a government initiative who offer family legal advice. The webpage I linked has some other options too. 

Here on the forums, we're best placed to share our experiences and support you with your mental health rather than offer specialised advice on issues like family law. I'm really keen for you to get the right support on this because it's super important to to you and a delicate area.

Is there any support we can offer you with the emotional/mental health side of your experiences?

Take care,

TuxedoCat