Lived Experience Forum

[greenpea]

@Bee82 💚

[BPDSurvivor]

Awww @greenpea . What an amazing post about coming out stronger. I see it for @Bee82 , too. 

I also think you will come out stronger through this @Bee82  - it's a challenge now, but it's one worth while.

I've been through some really tough stuff. Situations I never thought I'd get out of. And yet, today, decades on, when I look back, I don't regret have low periods at all. I know that I've been made a stronger person because I have experienced lows.... very lows.

When I was severely depressed, all i wanted was 'to be happy'. I wanted a magic pill to take all the hurt away. Now? Myeh... I don't even care. When things are tough, I thrive even more. But it was a lot to get to this mindset.

Hugs @Bee82  and all the best with whatever you decide to do 🙂

[Bee82]

@BPDSurvivor thank you ❤️ I really do feel like I’m never going to be happy. I still feel so sad everyday & nothing makes me happy not even my anti depressants. I want to be happy but I just can’t get myself out of this dark hole. X

[TuxedoCat]

oh @Bee82 I've been catching up on your story here. Thank you so much for sharing and I'm sorry you're feeling so much pain at the moment.

I think how you're feeling makes sense given this enormous thing that's happened in your life. But I imagine that pain is a lot to carry. 

I'm wondering what you've tried to pull yourself out of the dark hole so far? Do you have a professional that you speak to? 

I think you've been so courageous in reaching out to the forums, I wonder if you could be brave and reach out for some more support? In case you don't have anyone in mind, I thought I'd share some people you could try? 

• SANE drop-in line: 1800 187 263
• Your GP 
• BeyondBlue either on the phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat

What have you found most useful from this thread?

[Bee82]

@TuxedoCat @I haven’t really done anything just went up on my anti depressants, I don’t get any time to myself as I have my daughters 24/7 their father is hardly coming back for them now, it starting to look like he’ll only come home school holidays & take them for a week then go back to Mt Isa where he works & his new GF is .. he was coming home once a month but that seems to have changed. I started seeing a psychologist but have only seen him once & will see him again this week. Other then that it’s a struggle to wake up in the mornings coz I know I’m just gon be sad anyway & don’t want to think about things. 

I really do want to be a happy person for my kids but I honestly don’t know how to anymore 😞

[TuxedoCat]

@Bee82 it sounds like you're doing some really great things to pull yourself out of the dark hole. They might take some time to really make a difference. But I know you'll be able to get through it ❤️ 

I wonder, if you don't have much time to yourself, the BeyondBlue webchat can be good becuase it's just typing. 

[Bee82]

@TuxedoCat Thank you for your time & support X 

[BPDSurvivor]

Hey @Bee82 ,

 To share some of my story, when I was down, I longed for happiness. It was my one goal. Yet the more I strove for happiness, the more depressed I became - happiness was unreachable. 

I later learnt that longing for happiness is a trap. Happiness is one of many emotions people have. If we strive to only be happy, then we are striving to not be human. Healthy is about having a range of emotions and working through them. It’s okay to be happy. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay not to be okay.

I learnt this the hard way. I wish I learnt this early on in my mental health journey. I would have been able to accept things so much better.

Im very satisfied with life now, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy. Like tonight, I can sleep because I’m stressed. I have an event tomorrow and I have no idea where I’m going or what I’m doing. I don’t even know what to expect. Yet, I’m still content and satisfied. 

Am I even making sense @Bee82 ? I think FB and social media tells us we should always be happy. But that’s not reality.

Rather than striving for happiness, strive to work with what you have in order to better yourself. I’ve learnt to accept the things I cannot change and work towards things that I can change.

 Hugs to you. Be strong. Hold on. Take a deep breath and know that this will be all worth it.

[BPDSurvivor]

How are you going @Bee82 ?

Im thinking of you and hope you have a good weekend.

[Bee82]

@BPDSurvivor still really low mood, not sure when I can see my psychologist again as he had a procedure done 😔 starting to think maybe my medication is not working 😔 

my daughters go wit my ex for the week on Thursday I’m not looking forward to them going or having to see him. Really not sure how to act towards him as I’m still so sad. 

just wish all this hurt & sadness would go away .. x