Lived Experience Forum

[Hopefulsoul]

@tyme hugs would be nice right now. You're right, I do deserve better. I deserve the amount of support I give and love I have to offer. And I hope I get a chance to be a mother again 

[tyme]

@Hopefulsoul - please take care and Iook after yourself 

[Hopefulsoul]

I'm trying, thank you for making me smile 💜

[MJG017]

@HopefulsoulI read your story and wow!  I really don't know what to say.  I can't even imagine how you've dealt with all that and still keep trying to get everything back on track.  As incredibly tough as everything has been, it's really impressive how much resilience you've shown in fighting on with all that stress, grief, and your injuries.  It sounds like a fair bit of bad luck as well.  Not just with the injuries and your business suffering as many did during covid, but having potential partners who turned out to just have different priorities to you and, in my opinion, not being very understanding and supportive.  I wish you all the best going forward, especially with the IVF if you go that route.  Like I said, you sound like an incredibly strong and resilient person so I'm sure you'll eventually get what is important to you, through sheer strength of will if nothing else.  Trust yourself and don't let others make you feel bad about yourself.  Take your time to grieve even a bit of time to just relax and Im sure you'll begin to make big improvements in your life and find that happiness you deserve! 

[Hopefulsoul]

@MJG017 Thank you so much for your kind words. I feel like it's just been survival mode and sheer determination. Right now I'm surviving through anger. And you are right, it's time to grieve and relax where I can. And when the time is right, I'll go down the IVF route. But for now, I'll keep studying and working, enjoying my dogs, family time and myself. I'm tired of blaming myself for relationships fails. Honestly, thank you for your support. It makes life that little bit easier. 💜

[tyme]

Hey @Hopefulsoul ,

I wanted to check in with you to see how things went after your ex left? 

Are you okay?

Thinking of you.

We are here if you feel you need any emotional support. 

We are thinking of you.

Hugs.

[Hopefulsoul]

@tyme 

Hi there, 

Thank you for checking in. It's been a roller coaster of emotions. 

I had a bad day today emotionally, i made it through work. It gave me purpose and  I'm ok now.

Just not sure whether to mend it or leave it is the problem. 

I know I'll work it out, just I really don't want to have to keep grieving over and over. It's debilitating and hard to keep going all the time.

To get the message across has been so frustrating, he just wasn't hearing me. 

And just feel like i keep failing at relationships. I really want a long term partner and family, I just don't know at what costs i need to pay for this? When is enough enough?

Am I being selfish? Am i being unreasonable ? 

I just don't know. 

I went to the doctors and they wanted a pap smear as they think i have an infection again. I fell not 100%. So it's just non stop.

I know things are temporary,  just severe anxiety is really exhausting and effects my daily life of things I enenjoylike the gym, running, i don'thave the energy for the things i love,  from these continuous traumatic exexperiencesbut i have been taking the dogs for a walk. I guess better then nothing.

On the plus side my friend and i are lookkng at buying a house together 

Thank you so much for checking in

Xx

[tyme]

It sounds like you are under incredible stress. I wonder if this is playing a part in the infections you are getting @Hopefulsoul 

I hope and pray you work out what's best for. 

You deserve the best. It takes time to grieve over the things that have been lost. Yet hopefully, by connecting with others, you'll feel supported.

[Hopefulsoul]

I am definitely under incredible amounts of stress and have been for years now.

I know I deserve the best, I'm not sure if I'll experience my old life i enjoyed outside of sévère anxiety anymore. 

Thank you for your support.

I really appreciate it 

[Hopefulsoul]

@tyme 

Sorry I forgot to tag