Lived Experience Forum

[ArchieRae]

Hello all! I am new here, never done anything like this before. I usually deal with everything myself rather than reaching out. 

I have BPD and recently diagnosed ADHD. I am struggling at the moment. I tend to fluctuate greatly day to day. Which is frustrating cause I can go so well for extensive periods of time and then something happens in my relationship and I can’t cope. I have been in therapy for years. I am alot better than I used to be, however I still have the ability to completely loose it when I feel like I’m going to be “left” or abandoned. I have severe RSD also- my brain just spirals and I experience paranoia my partner is cheating on me (past trauma). Has anyone else had this experience? Any particular treatment that assists with these extreme feelings? I just don’t feel good enough for him. He has never done anything to make me worry he has cheated this is all from past horrific relationships. I finally have a good one and my brain won’t allow it to just be. We have been together for 6.5 years and I’m still not improving. Any comments or assistance I’d love. Just to know I am not alone. 

[BPDSurvivor]

Hey @ArchieRae ,

I want you to know that you are definitely not alone.

 Living with BPD has been a real challenge for me. It ruled my life. After having MBT treatment, and much hard work, I’ve gone from strength to strength. I’ve been able to re frame my experiences and see it’s been a life of learning. 

Interpersonal relationships were the hardest. Once people got to know me, they’d see the really me. My experiences were often self sabotaged. I left a trail of fire behind me and burnt every bridge.

i never thought I’d be so well now. But I have to say that it was a lot of hard work.

i have a much better understanding of myself and my place in the world thanks to an amazing treating team.

 Feel free to visit Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script 

or

Topic Tuesday// Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Week 2022: 'See The Person'// Tues 27th Se... 

[justanotherguy]

Hi @BPDSurvivor ,

Just doing a bit of self-diagnosis, saving the taxpayer a few $$$ and trying to educate myself. I looked on a mental health website about BPD and I definitely had some of the symptoms all through my life. The causes of my BPD led to quite wild psychosis at times and was diagnosed with a psychotic illness. It never sat right with me as I didn't have all the classic symptoms of a psychotic illness, yet the 'treatment' just made me more and more angry. I finally had to take control of the situation and now I'm here starting to see some progress. But now the BPD seems to be subsiding so don't feel the need for a diagnosis, I'll just see how things go.

[anonymous678]

I have recently been told to see a clinical psychologist due to some symptoms of a personality disorder. Ive seen way to many doctors for my liking and if i see another one im going to implode. 

I dont know who i am. Fine one minute and the next i hate myself and nothing around me is me. I always feel alienated from absolutely everything in my life. I cant do anything and im so tired of everything. I want to like myself, i want to know who i am, i want to be able to build relationships with anyone else. But i cant and i cant keep doing this anymore. No doctors can help me and they all tell me that they dont know how to help me. One minute im crying and telling my mum everything the next i hate myself for speaking. I feel guilty for everything even if it is out of my control. 

I need to know why i am the way i am and if i deserved all this? 

Did i do something?

I hate watching shows about mental health because the actors are just acting. And i have to wake up tomorrow and the next still wondering what ive done. 

I think i could be a horrible person but ive prayed for god to just take me away. 

Id like to say im not meant to be here... i wish i was anybody else. 

Does that make me self centered? 

[Jarrod1]

Hi, I'm new here and new to any internet forum.

My experiences with a clinical psychologist have been amazing. 

No lip service, just 'this is the issue, this is the treatment, now let put in the hard work and the results will pay off' guess what.... they were right and it worked. I highly recommend DBT for learning the skills to overcome the bpd symptoms and understand that life can be good. It helped me become a functioning member of society and to help control my mood disregulation. 

[Chrissi1812]

Hi I can relate to you so well. I have just recently survived a suicide attempt. Ten years working with disabilities and severe burn out and my dad died just recently and also a close friend. My daughter has alienated me and I can’t see my grandchildren. I hate myself for what i

did and feel punished enough. I stayed in a transitional recover mental health centre which was good but still finding life difficult and also having to find another job. I feel hopeless and teary. 

[Peregrinefalcon]

Hey @Chrissi1812

Welcome to the Forums! We are so glad you have found us and have been able to reach out.

I can see you have been through an incredibly challenging time. What you are describing is a lot for one person to carry.

With all that you are going through, it is totally understandable to be feeling 'hopeless and teary'. When we experience trauma, it can make it very hard to see a way forward.

Transitioning from a MH recovery centre back into the "real world" (for lack of a better term) can be such a challenging time. What kind of supports do you have around you at the moment, or feel you might benefit from?

I hope others can chime in here too with their own experiences, too. 

Most importantly - I am so glad that you are still here with us 💛

[Chrissi1812]

Thank you so much. It’s been a long and arduous journey and although I’ve improved I still feel alone and abandoned. 

[Peregrinefalcon]

@Chrissi1812 For sure. Unfortunately when going through something like this, you can lose some of the people you thought would stick around, too. That is a wound that can take a long time to heal.

Who do you have around you at the moment, any sources of connection/support?

[Chrissi1812]

Hi yes I have supports and peer workers. Thank you for understanding ♥️