Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[CT2024]

Hi I am a mum of a 20 something son whom was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder approximately 3 yrs ago this Christmas as is each Christmas since 2020 as this was the last time he seen his little girl onto of that he had a massive argument with his father because his father fails to recognise the destruction and dv he left his family with,  he also met a girl who he thought was a completely different to his last relationship but then turned out worse than his last partner my son suffers with his bpd rage this one worse than anytime before he completely destroyed his bedroom smash anything and everything he could including photos of his little girl he gets so exhausted when going through these episodes that he falls asleep for hours he then spent the whole next day sitting in the room he damaged as punishment for his melt down he stopped medication over a yr ago I don't blame him nor am I frightened of him but feel absolutely powerless and helpless because I don't know how to help him has any other parents going through the same 

[tyme]

Welcome to the forums @CT2024 .

I hear how much your son is hurting. It must be so hard for him as well as for yourself when you witness these rages.

I have BPD, and I know first-hand how destructive these rages can be. Does your son have supports he can speak to about what's going on for him? Unfortunately, BPD doesn't rely on medication for recovery. Medication can help with symptoms, but the root cause can only be supported through talking therapies.

I had medication for depression and anxiety, but it didn't do anything for the BPD itself. I had 18 months of MBT treatment at a BPD clinic and it's been a life changer.

I hope you get some answers soon.

[tyme]

Hey @CT2024 ,

I was thinking of you and wanted to see how you are going.

[CT2024]

Hi guys I had the absolute pleasure of having met the most magnificent nurse when I went to the doctors last I explained that I  wanted a safe place that I could ask for tools to help my son when his bpd episodes are at its worst,  for a parent who has a child with this disease I say God bless you I myself suffer with mental health myself but what I see my son go through with his bpd as his mum has to be one of the hardest, most painful, destructive, lonely mental health diseases I have ever encountered. In the last few days I have watched movies based on bpd with the hope of learning something new that can help not only myself but also my child, I had the displeasure of watching a movie called monster which is based on a true story about the main actress Aileen and how she was considered to be Americas first female serial killr who was diagnosed with bpd what part I take extreme offence to is bpd is caused by trauma which if u heard the story of her childhood it was horrific our kids are not monsters or any other disgusting description, ignorant name ppl feel the need to describe our kids the  low self worth, embarrassment  shame and fear our kids go through everyday is sometimes to much to bear. When I ask myself what about 2023 am I most greatful for it isn't that I was blessed with another grandbaby or that my eldest granddaughter turned 18 it was that for the first time in 3yrs my child didn't try and kll himself and i didn't have to bury him when something triggers our loved ones the emotions become so overwhelming for them every emotion they have felt in their entire life dumped on them in one split second I have the most amazing young man and he takes pride that his mum bought him up to be a gentleman, he works hard even on his hardest days because he knows he has responsibilities he is honest, reliable and pride doesn't begin to express how as his mum I am of him as I know full well what he has had to go through to get to this point in his life. Ppl assume that our kids are violent, disrespectful, verbally abusive and at times yes they are but as hurtful as their words are at times the bottom line is they are scared they fear being locked up and that the people they love at anytime will leave them and they will have noone, they ova think, they worry about their self image and what ppl think of them, they usually find it hard to keep friendships ect quite frankly they worry about everything and for many of us parents it hard watching ur child go through some of the hardest times in their lives. I would like to finish up with our kids with bpd have a life expectancy of 27 years old my son is going on 23 that means if I am lucky enough and blessed enough I get to spend 4 summers, 4 winters, 4 springs and 4 autumns with him I will never turn my back on the greatest blessing god ever gave me and it's a true honour to be his mum our kids are not psychotic they are broken and they are sick and I guarantee u if u asked any of our kids if they could change their condition they would do it in a heartbeat our kids need compassion not to be ridiculed and judged

[tyme]

Hey @CT2024 ,

Thank you for posting.

I'm sorry to hear this is how the world perceives people with BPD. I have BPD. I never thought I'd make it past my 26th birthday. Yet more than 10 years on, I'm still here, and living the best life ever!

I struggled immensely with my BPD episodes. Every day was touch and go. But with the right support, BPD is actually very very treatable. It needs clinicians who care. It needs long term talking therapy. It needs boundaries put in place.

I have learnt to embrace my BPD and it is one of the most amazing conditions any can possibly have. It's been a wonderful teacher. It's been ever persistent. It's taught me so much more about life and people. I wouldn't change my borderline life for anything.

I'd encourage you to pay a visit to Raising Awareness of BPD - Flipping the Script 

Look after yourself. I'm not saying it's easy being a carer, but having your beautiful child with you is something to celebrate and hold on to.

You are not alone.