Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Smc]

Hi peoples...reactivating an old thread that's relevant rather than starting a new one. I'm an "unofficial" carer on two main fronts- elderly parents who are officially under the care of an aged care home, but still needing a lot of practical and emotional support from myself and my sibling, and also supporting an adult daughter with Dissociative Identity Disorder but who is "living independently"...sort of. Also ocasionally supporting an adult son with a neurological specific learning disorder but who is mostly capable day to day.

Said daughter has, for the first time, gone in for an extended stay at a private psych clinic (at the local public one, getting an overnight emergency admission is nearly impossible, let alone anything more extensive!) so for the first time in a few years, I don't have the worry at the back (or front) of my mind that she might seriously injure herself. For a few weeks, she will have people on hand who are better qualified as 24 hour psychological advisors than me. Despite the fact that this will be a challenging time for her, I've got some much needed breathing and recovery space. I'm hoping she may even go back to her home with some healthy coping strategies instead of the dangerous ones she currently falls back on.

I'm not getting a total break- I will need to spend a week with my parents (400 km trip away) visiting them and continuing a big sorting out job at the old family home, but I want to make sure I get some recharge time as well. Here's hoping the weather improves enough for me to access my favourite recharge- i.e. the garden.

I'm not so much asking for advice as wanting to offload about how I'm feeling with a group of people who won't make the mistake of thinking that my sense of relief shows any lack of love towards my daughter. I'm guessing others may have experienced similar feelings?

[NikNik]

Hi @Smc

I hope you don't mind, but I started you a new thread. I understand posting in the older thread, as your post was on a similar topic - but it was going unnoticed, so I moved it here 🙂 I hope you don't mind!

I know a lot of community members here, regardless their circumstances, share the same need to have a break.

I also think a lot of members also have that concern that their desire to have a break could be perceieved as a 'lack of love' as you've explained. I think it's the opposite; if we don't get a break, we can't provide the support and compassion our loved ones deserve.

What do you do with your time when get breathing space? Rest? hobby? catching up with friends?

[Smc]

Fine by me NIkNik.  🙂

So far I've spent the first bit of my "time off" fighting off a cold. No fair! But I did get to a garden centre yesterday, so my garden now has the addition of a persimmon tree and a few extra flower seedlings, with a few more things to get in the ground today. It's so good having open space, noticing the birds and other wildlife surprises, looking at what's grown since I last checked.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Smc,

That's a real bugger about getting a cold! It seems to happen a lot when people have 'time-off'. It's like the body senses it's an ok time to let its defenses down. I hope you get better soon. 

I just wanted to bring @Janna to this conversation. She has a son. He didn't go to respite, but he lived in supported accomodation for a bit, and she is also a great advocate in having recharge time. 

Has the weather held off @Smc? 

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Smc,

That's a real bugger about getting a cold! It seems to happen a lot when people have 'time-off'. It's like the body senses it's an ok time to let its defenses down. I hope you get better soon. 

I just wanted to bring @Janna to this conversation. She has a son. He didn't go to respite, but he lived in supported accomodation for a bit, and she is also a great advocate in having recharge time. 

Has the weather held off @Smc? 

[Smc]

Weather's held off..."respite" is somewhat evaporating. 😕 I need to spend that week up at my parent's house, which unfortunately means a lot of work... hoping the weather and any other circumstances can stay favourable for the last of the three weeks on the far side of the trip.

[Appleblossom]

Precious precious .. moments. 

I figured I started getting colds again .. when the stressors reduced .. kind .of ... now I can aford to get sick.

Take care