Lived Experience Forum

[Georgie1]

@Mazarita what you shared is spelt out in a way I can relate to. The sleep, drugs, professional helps, exericse and other ring true. I like your accepting and positive attitude without glossing over the illness and how to manage it. Do you find it hard to read? I find it hard to read the screen or a book. My eyes have been tested and are good. I wonder if the medications might affect this.

[Dadcaringalone]

@Georgie1@frog

Dear Georgie1 and frog,

I have had really bad days when my son  had very severe side effects from his undiagnosed bipolar. It was one of the most difficult times of both of our lives, going from severely suicidal to marvelously manic almost at the same time. My son who’s in a much better place now has been able to manage these hugely draining emotional swings. A very good family friend of mine who has gone through a very similar rocky ride with her meds said to me to me today “Yeah - you just have to get it right and then you’ll feel better than you ever have! It’s a shit journey but we’ve all made it through” Just thought that comment may have a similarly cathartic effect on both of you, because after she said that to me it made me feel so much better as you see there is light at the end of the tunnel or every dark cloud has a silver lining!! Take care and keep truck’n 

[eth]

Sending warm wishes to you all @Georgie1 @frog @Dadcaringalone @Mazarita @Shaz51 @greenpea @Former-MemberSorry I haven't replied, I've been feeling at a loss for words here the last few days.  Had some big stuff happen and have had to monitor myself closely the last few days.  My mum said something incredibly outrageous (more so than ever before) on Tuesday night which left me aggitated and speedy on Wednesday.  It's brought up so much about her not protecting us her kids and exposing my child to danger too - many years of her treatment of others.  Stuff I thought I had put behind me.  But it's now accepted that a high percentage bipolar people experienced childhood trauma.

  Plus I had 5 appointments over 3 days which is huge for me.  GP, psychologist, xrays, psychiatrist and physiotherapist on top of bad back pain I've had for over 2 weeks now.  Both my pdocs said my mum is a total narcissist and I need to enforce and stick to boundaries with/about her. ( I am 55 and feel like I shouldn't be triggered by her at my age but I am and that's something I have to accept.  Last year a visit from her sent me into hypomania for a few months.)   I won't write about the details of her actions/words as it would take too long.

After wednesday I was feeling anxious about the possibility of a bipolar swing from such a significant trigger.  Then I kinda collapsed into needing to sleep a lot the last 2 days.  Another ride on the roller coaster.    On top of all of this my adult child had a false start to labour last Saturday around 2am and I've been on high alert expecting them to have their baby at any time since then.  Usually I try to pace myself and not have too many stimulating events in any given week but had no choice this week  Still feeling quite exhausted from it all.  

And all these ups and downs are despite being on a combo of meds that has kept me stable for a year, the longest since I was diagnosed nearly 10 years ago.  So one of them was increased this week.  And it usually takes a while for a change in med regime to have it's full effect.

Sorry I'm not more supportive everyone, I'm just barely managing my own stuff at this time.

[greenpea]

@eth no apologies needed just want you to take good care of yourself over the next few days. Sorry your mum had this effect on you ...nothing like parents to drive us over the edge ... with me it was my father and my mother in that order. Strange thing is when I think of abuse in my childhood it starts to get edgy I can feel myself getting twitchy .... I am not sure what that means and at this point really don't want to know.

To give me a bipolar swing all I have to do is think about being fat for the rest of my life.... That is enough to drive this pea over the abyss. I just cannot stand it eth I really cannot. It is starting to get me manic and I can feel myself getting into old habits of  not eating again to lose the weight .... if you know what I mean.

*sigh* cannot win with this disorder it is going to bite you in the backside one way or another..

[eth]

Hugs @greenpea  I hear you.  And resemble all you said.

[Shaz51]

no apologies needed @eth and we are here for you and we hear you

To give me a bipolar swing all I have to do is think about being fat for the rest of my life...-- @greenpea, same here with Mr shaz and also for him is seeing another mowing person in out small town really upsets him

Hello @Dadcaringalone, @Georgie1, @frog

[eth]

Thankyou @Shaz51.

In general I think it's really important that we identify our triggers as much as possible and even write them down and try to have strategies to deal with each one.  It's a huge help in seeing when things are starting to change in either direction.  Part of my strategy is to have another list of things I do when I'm well/down/elevated so I can either chanel extra energy into something if up or try to get motivated to do something if down.

[Shaz51]

sometimes I find it hard to know how to help my mr shaz @eth, @greenpea

I love him and I want the best for him

[greenpea]

@Shaz51 it is a hard one isn't it .... my ex recently apologised to me for seperating and the divorce that followed (and of course cheating on me....). Anyway I accepted the apology nobody is perfect and I was out of control so it is not surprising he ran a mile when he didn't understand what was going on.

It is different for me with son2 with his schizophrenia, autism etc because he is my son and he takes his medications and trys hard. He always says to me 'I'm not any trouble' "I'm not meaning to be any trouble' break your heart and he is 25 .... I will always be there for him because he is my son if I had a partner who wasn't trying it could be different for me.

[eth]

It's a hard one for me to answer too @Shaz51 as I haven't shared my life intimately with anyone for a very long time.  But I know there are lots of articles and blogs on the internet about caring for someone with bipolar - maybe you could do a google search about that.

For me, ultimately only I can really help myself even though it's good to have some close support people - only I can make sure I'm medication compliant, only I can practice sleep hygeine, only I can truly sense when things are changing in either direction, although there are times when one of my supports will ask me if I think that's happening.  Perhaps you could have a good talk about how you can help him, and come to some agreements but even then you can probably only make suggestions in the hope he will accept your ideas, like they say - you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.  Does he acknowledge that he has bipolar?

It's probably worth doing a search on the Carers Forum for people supporting loved ones with bipolar.  They would definitely know more than I do.