Lived Experience Forum

[Arizona]

I'm taking a break from listening to The Body Keeps the Score. I'm listening to my new audio book called Overcoming Trauma Through Yoga by David Emerson (Yoga teacher) and Elizabeth Hopper (therapist).

My online shopping delivery should be here in the next hour or so.

[Arizona]

The problem with this audio book* is, in the first chapter, they talk about statistics of child and adult abuse (in the United States) and it is very hard to listen to. I had to stop. I imagine that it would be triggering for most people. I have noticed that a lot of American audio books do this - take up a lot of time talking about statistics. I personally don't want to know. For me it's like watching the news. And I don't watch the news or TV. I was looking forward to listening to this audio book and I'm disappointed. If the whole book discusses abuse in this way I won't be able to listen to it.

I was looking forward to listening to it because the author, David Emerson, taught trauma-sensitive Yoga at the Trauma Center in Boston, USA where Bessel Van Der Kolk was a medical director. Bessel Van Der Kolk wrote The Body Keeps the Score.

I enjoyed listening to The Body Keeps the Score and I found it very helpful. Bessel Van Der Kolk talks about abuse, and his work with traumatised people, in an in-depth way and I didn't find it difficult to listen to or triggering at all.

For me listening to The Body Keeps the Score was validating and life affirming. And I highly recommend it to anyone who has experienced trauma or has a mental illness.

*Overcoming Trauma Through Yoga by David Emerson and Elizabeth Hopper.

[Arizona]

You put me down

And terrified me

My whole life 

You critised me

And made me feel

Like I was worthless 

It has taken me

A long time to realise

That this isn't about me 

It has taken me

Many years to understand 

That I'm not a bad person 

Now I understand 

That this is about you

Not respecting me

Or caring about me 

Or being worthy

Of having me in your life

[Arizona]

I took some Valerian Forte and I fell asleep listening to a sleepcast on my Headspace app. I only slept for an hour but it was so good.

[Arizona]

I have decided to have another Sunday. I feel worn out and exhausted from being so hungry and weak and sick and anxious and depressed and traumatised these past few days. I feel much better after eating, and after writing my poem (this really helps me), but I still feel worn out. So today is Sunday for me.

[Arizona]

Hello depression

Hello bed

Hello big downward spiral

Hello self hatred

Hello loneliness 

Hello wanting to die but not actually being suicidal 

[Daisydreamer]

Hi @Arizona,

Reading back through this space, I am seeing what a strength you have in expressing yourself and putting how you are feeling into writing. Do you find that putting the words down in writing is something that is helpful or even momentarily relieving?

I'm hearing today might be a difficult day for you, and that downward spiral sounds like a painful space to sit in at the moment. I appreciate you letting us know that you aren't feeling suicidal. Sitting in that feeling of lonliness sounds like it is a lot to carry today, and I hope you know your forums family is right here sitting with you virtually today  

[Arizona]

Hello @Daisydreamer 

Yes, writing does help me. It helps me to understand and process my thoughts and feelings. It helps me to express how I feel. This is important to me because as a child I wasn't allowed to express myself and this had a big impact on me. Yes, I think it is momentarily relieving.

Thank you for your kind words and support ❤

[Arizona]

I had a shower and washed my hair.

I cleaned my teeth.

I had my breakfast.

I took my vitamins.

I'm going to do a 20 minute meditation.

Today I'm going to do my shopping and get the things I couldn't get online. And I will go to the chemist and pick up my prescriptions.

[Daisydreamer]

Hi @Arizona 

I really appreciate you opening up to us and sharing the power of writing for you Finding our voice as adults when we couldn't as children is something that is an important step in recovery. Something I can relate to I am happy to hear you feel you have a voice here, I really value and respect the strength that takes