Life after hospital

[pip]

Hi @BlueBay. With the back door issue, perhaps he is over safety conscious.. I had a bf who I had problems with in connection with my front door being closed, but not locked. He made a very sarcastic remark over my asking him if he had forgotten to lock my door. Your hubby could have a form of OCD, where his need to check doors several times is part of OCD. Also with talking on the phone, I have a friend who txts, constantly rather than actually speaking on the phone as he fears he is being listened to. That is another form of OCD. He could be in denial about the condition, Rather than face that he has a problem, it's easier to deny it. Admitting to any sort of MI carries a stigma. The fear of being looked at or being thought of as 'strange' is quite scary. Until your hubby is ready to admit he needs help, all you can do is either ignore him, or simply tell him, yes you've checked and re-checked to see the door is locked. With your phone calls, I would simply say to him, it could be your boss. If it isn't, hand the phone to me. I realize it's frustrating, but, as I said, till he's ready to ask for help, there's not a lot you can do. I'm so sorry for you, the situation you're in probably has you tearing your hair out. If your hubby does have a form of OCD, getting him assessed to see how bad it is, is going to be difficult. Perhaps you could ask his boss to suggest it as part of a mental health assessment. If he thinks his job depends on a mental assessment, he may not be quite so suspicious.

[BlueBay]

Hi @pip

it's interesting you say that he has OCD.  Because that is what my therapist said he has.  My hubby is so damn pedantic about the stuff in the fridge, things not in the proper place.  Same as the pantry. 

Yes he needs to understand and realise what he has and ask for help. 

It is not easy.  He is goiong through a hard time this year especially with his mum in aged care with dementia.  it is very hard.

[pip]

Hi @BlueBay.. I really feel for you and hubby. It's been hard on both of you. If hubby does have OCD, he could also be slightly worried he may end up like his mum. He is also scared of coping without you. Telling your son your AD's are not necessary is simply him telling himself everything is alright. Denial is easy, facing truth is hard, especially for men as they have always been raised believing they're the 'backbone'. My ex MIL is also in care for dementia, my ex worshipped her and stood by her. Our marriage failed largely because he refused to let her know her comments were unacceptable. Getting your hubby to admit he needs help is going to be an uphill battle, and one you shouldn't tackle. You are extremely fragile yourself and need to care for yourself. Are you able to remove yourself for a while till you feel stronger. I'm concerned with all that's going on, you may go downhill again. I'm not saying leave permanently, but you need to be aware of your precious health too.

[Decadian]

Hi @BlueBay

I have read the thread and people here are making good suggestions - I can't add much - but agree- I think your husband has OCD and if he thinks he doesn't have a problem - well- my reaction is "HA!"

His fussing is not helping your right now - and perhaps you could explain to your son that you are having blood pressure problems and that this can be serious if not monitored and - sigh - yes - it would be easier to have a broken leg with a plaster cast and crutches - people would be sending cards and even flowers - it's socially acceptable to have something physically wrong

One reason I am divorced is that my ex-husband drove me crackers with trivial things - eg - he would get a headache and sit around moaning and whining and refuse to take a headache tablet - and I would YELL - "Take a tablet and I will care - otherwise shuddup!!!"

I am sure we all get the picture - and you are the fragile one right now and you don't need someone poking around in your pantry -

But tell on - I would think venting here would help - it certainly helps me to let it out

We care about you a lot here

Decadian

[BlueBay]

Hi @Decadian @Faith-and-Hope @utopia @Kurra @Shaz51 @NikNik

I've decided today to go back to my personal trainer for a fortnightly session.  Can't afford weekly but i can try to go once a fortnight.

He is so good with me, he knows of my issues and really pushes me to the max.  And if i have a meltdown he stops and just listens and then we start again.

he praises me and we talk while I workout.  He is so good to me.  I can't wait to start again  on Monday.

I need to do something for myself and although i do enjoy knitting and colouring  and walking i think i need some motivation, some push and i know this guy will do that.

Also reg. new therapist - i have decided to go back to a clinical psychologist who i saw about 3 yrs ago for EMDR.  He was really good and has experience with BPD.  I have asked his receptionist to put me on a waiting list for any appt i can get.  

I didn't want to see someone completely new as i know i would have to start again and re-tell my whole story again.  at the moment i am too vulnerable, emotional etc to start again.

going for a walk soon with my son; might go for a long walk today.  need to clear my foggy and emotional negative head.

chat later. 🙂

[utopia]

@BlueBay. Brilliant. Thinking positive. Thinking about what's best for you. Am so happy you have made these decisions.
I hope the sun is shining where you are today.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Wow !! @BlueBay .... that's an awesome setting up of your day !!

😄💐💝✅❤❤❤

Chuck my list out .... 😆💕

What a wise decision .... going back to someone who already knows your story ....

It was so frustrating for me when I turned up to a psychologist last year, just wanting someone to tell me what I could do to get help for my WH and rescue my family .... only to find out that he couldn't do anything for anyone else unless they were his client .... and there was nowhere I hadn't already tried that he could send me .... and I hadn't planned on months of visits to get my whole story out there .... but now I am so glad I did.

Now when the going is tough or there has been too much to juggle, I go back in and he just picks up the thread .... like your therapist will ....

Good on you !!!

💜🌷💕💜🌷💕💜

[Decadian]

Ah @BlueBay

Here's the post I read yesterday I think - about your getting back to your personal trainer - this sounds like a brilliant idea

In fact - it comes across to me that you do know what is best for you - and somehow this gets lost in the story - about the words getting in the way - and you know this guy and you already have an agenda - and this is good to start with - having a idea of what you want with the time you spend with him

And we all need a bit of a shove at times -

Also - I question your comment about your having an emotional negative head - that might be the truth - but to me it rather is that you have an emotionally fragile psyche - and you feel very delicate at times and it takes very little to shove you out of alignment - I really understand that

And in the spring - ah yes - in the evenings it is wonderful to take a walk after sunset on spring evenings - or I will when my sinuses have cleared - there are three planets in the evening sky this spring - I like looking at them

And the fog in our mind can clear in the fresh air

You are always in my thoughts

Decadian

[BlueBay]

Hi @Decadian@Faith-and-Hope@utopia@Kurra

This morning hubby and I went for a 3km walk down to the beach and grab a coffee.  On our way home hubby decided he had to stop at the toilets, so we walked into our shopping hub.  He walks in and out comes my uncle.  I came out of the supermarket and saw him too.  I haven't seen him or my aunty for a few months when they happen to come into the pharmacy.  But before that i haven't seen them for many, many years.

So he asked us to join them at the cafe for a coffee.  It was so nice to sit and chat to them both.  I have always got along with them as I feel they are of 'my generation' even though they are older.  They are not of the same generation as my parents.  My uncle is my dad's younger brother.

We started talking about my parents and my aunty said that my mum has always been strange even towards them.  all of a sudden years ago my mum stopped calling and visitng them for no real reason.  They said they feel so sorry for my dad as he is stuck in her life of a domineering and controlling wife.

She told me that my dad was a really strong, intelligent and good looking young man.  She said that even my grandma (dad's mum) couldn't believe how controlling my mum was.

We chatted for about an hour, they asked about our kids and what they were up to.  We talked about my cousins, one lives in perth and the other in Singapore.

They have a holiday house down where we live, so we will be seeing more of them in summer.  

It was a nice, surprise and pleasant time we had this morning.

Did some weeding just now and getting chagned to go for another walk and drink with a close friend.  It is such a beautiful day.

hope everyone is having a nice Saturday. xxoo

[Decadian]

Oh boy @BlueBay

I more than just like that - I love it - it's totally fantastic

Aha - your mother is so much like mine was - ah dear - totally unaware of how far they can damage people - change lived

How great you just happened to run into them like that - and how great to be able to see them through the summer

This is the best news ever - yes - it is a lovely day

Decadian