Lived Experience Forum

[Rosemary4]

Thanks @HenryX  💙 hope you pick up soon, and you' travel well today. Where you off to?

Really wet here so it's a good book, music and  PJ day for me ☔💕

[Rosemary4]

Hi @Appleblossom, all good. It's sad but necessary that we have to be wise and guarded socialising, and be content with the superficial being something better than empty. I don't know about "prefrontal cortex" and all that, but sure relate to oversharing... think it's nerves, then I go home and beat myself up. Well, talking in the past now, i'm very reclusive these days. Maybe we need to just 'save it' for prayer closet, self help groups and therapist :face_with_rolling_eyes:

Gosh, busy with young family when losing your sister must have been hard, and sure would have messed with grieving (having to shelve it to cope I guess). Messes with our head, babies are full-on. Your grief catchup activities sound good. I don't know if my brain has turned to mush (re concentration and creativity), or the bipolar / depression, or just super lazy these days... but all I can manage usually is a candle or fresh flower by her photo. We weren't as close as you think.

It Must have been hard for your relationship, being split up in the foster system, my sister is several years younger, and I left home before we could really share much, and she married young & got busy with babies. And I travelled interstate with work a lot, single... Just grew apart... like many I guess. Different lives. But talked on phone a lot. She liked to bitch about our childhood and volitile mother mostly, I didn't like that.

Sorry you think I'm "obsessing" about her 😲 but to be kind to myself, it is early days for me. And our emotional focus here tends to exclude other aspects of our life that's good. Likevthe garden.

Many things trigger memories of lost family... some painful. I have learnt to allow myself to feel that pain in the moment, to deal with it, but to not linger. My goal is to seek out the positive ones, and honour her in them, like your photos I guess. I'd like to do a scrapbook one day if I can get organised enough... when looking at photos hurt less... my brain has a knack of switching with intense feelings and I flip, or turn into little Tough flighty, forget what I'm doing, do something else, re discover the half finished project later, shove it away... Bit mad I guess, early dementia maybe :face_with_rolling_eyes: whatever. lol

Nature is great! I have a little garden. Love the flowers, ladybeetles and birds. Had two owls sitting on my tv antenna last night 🦉 The salvia is looking happy this morning, the rain all night was perfect timing. Guess it is a kind caring act to plant it out (hadn't thought of it in those terms). Yes, the "natural cycle of all things" A sobering but pure thought.

What are you doing today?

[Appleblossom]

@Rosemary4 

Sounds like you are doing all the good things for your grief for your sister.

I did not mean to say you were obssessing in a bad way.  I thought you actually used the term in the post that I read from June, so was just responding to it.   Glad you have the resilience to give a beautiful reply and not get stuck on that.

The 'relationship you had' is valid and fine as the relationship you had.  Nobody else's business. Extreme closeness is often touted as meaning very good, but can also be enmeshed and all sorts of issues.  I think that happened to us, with both the separations and the enmeshments.  I took a very long time (decades of research!) to find words to put to feelings.  I am probably a bit aspie as a coping strategy to my childhood.

 I also suffered a lot of listening to my siblings complaining about my mother.  I honestly tried to carve a fair and balanced path. She did her best, but it was very far from adequate.  

Today, I had a quick visit from a friend and quick phone call, which is HUGE for me. I had been seriously socially isolated for a long time.  So maybe that is all slowly changing .... not sure.

Got physio today and I have made a physio garden cos they really needed it, and I had the spare plants and time and it has become my way.  So water packed up to bring there.

Also an online local environmental meeting.

It has taken me a very long time to feel I deserve a life of my own, and even learn to speak my "I".

Lovely to hear from you.

I do not fully identify with any one diagnosis, as too many were handed out about my family early on, I can even joke "I have a bit of everything", but also be very analytical about issues and problems with mental health terminology and systems ... eg I just posted in other thread ...Generally psychiatrists were carefful about labelling me until last couple years ... I get BiPolar Mixed state or schizoaffective a little ... as a "differential diagnosis" which is fancy speak ... for "not sure" ... but needing to sound medical.

Apple

[HenryX]

Hello @Rosemary4 

Today, I am procrastinating, However I'll complete discussions here on the forum shortly. The trip is to Geraldton, about 2 hrs drive. I actually enjoy the drive, so it is not onerous, but rather an opportunity to get out and move. The temp today is low 30's so quite pleasant.

I am very pleased also to notice that you have a conversation with @Appleblossom 

We will catch up again later @Rosemary4 , great to see you active in the forum

With Best Wishes

@HenryX 

[Rosemary4]

This is weird. Woke 0430, dragged body to you know where, but back in bed feeling quite happy 😲 or joyful on the inside. This is good feeling, hope it lasts, feel like celebrating 🔆

[Rosemary4]

The good thing about losing one's life energy is the nervous system and mood swings and anxiety have nothing to draw on 😕 

Tempting to help it along at these times.

Just had to go back to bed. Not sure if I'm physically unwell, chronically lazy  or if  Blackdog's family just moved in lol. Weird, I was wide awake at 4.30 and felt great for a change..

[ShiningStar]

Hi @Rosemary4 

It’s so lovely to hear from you 

I’m so sorry to hear about what’s been happening for you in relation to some of your friendships 

Friendships can be challenging at the best of times and in my experience, living with a mental health condition introduces another layer of complexity  As such, it can be incredibly distressing when our relationships begin to change and we lose some of our friends. So very sadly, this often creates a situation whereby we become further isolated and our social world begins to shrink just that little bit further.

It can be incredibly infuriating and distressing when people pathologize some of our behaviours and / or they attempt to ‘fix us.’ In my experience, these interactions have the potential to communicate that we’re ‘flawed’ and / or ‘not good enough.’ Feeling accepted and valued for who we are is a fundamental need that we all have and I hope that one day, you’ll be surrounded by people with whom you feel a sense of connection and belonging 

The more I listened to this part of your story, the more I got the sense that you’re really thinking about the types of friendships that are important to you and I think that it’s great that you’re establishing some boundaries in relation to who you feel comfortable inviting into your life 

Wow! Those are wonderful achievements! Unfortunately, I don’t have a brilliant track record when it comes to nurturing plants, but I love the sound of the purple salvia tree - especially as purple is one of my favourite colours 

Please know that I’m thinking of you and sending you some very gentle and caring hugs 

Take care of yourself,

ShiningStar 

[Rosemary4]

Hi @ShiningStar,, how are you? Nice to see you.. yes, Friendships sure can be challenging at the best of times, and losing them is isolating and sad. But not just friends, family and casuals too.... I'm over it.

Feeling accepted would be nice, but nope, I'm mostly unacceptable it feels. I have withdrawn and at the crossroads. Thank you for the well wishes that  I’ll one day be surrounded by people to feel a sense of connection and belonging" I'm thinking maybe in heaven. But for now, those boundaries are a survival thing as my life energy is so low, and it isolates me but better that than bad, or unhealthy company..With the plants, have you tried succulents? Theyre easier... but the salvia is resilient too.

How was your Christmas? I've had to isolate re coVid contact. And think maybe I'm losing my mind lol the walls are closing in 🕸️. Hope you're ok? Thanks for chatting 💐

[Former-Member]

@Rosemary4 I can relate to the way people treat us and try to fix us instead of just accepting us how we are. I have severe depression and a few other severe mental health issues and apparently I'm someone who needs to change to make other people happier. Well I'm sorry, I'm the way I am and some of it is due to my own choices, but this is also none of anybody's business. My social life has shrunken a lot as well due to Coverd and many other factors.
I think we're in the same boat here despite our different experiences. I'm sorry you've been dealt a bad lot in your life as well. I've been reading through a lot of posts and comments lately and I'm thinking of you and I'll be around a lot. I hope your situation with your medication gets better and I hope life generally will get better for you soon! Try not to rush through your grief though, everybody grieves in their own time. From what I've read, you have some good memories of you and your sister and you deserve to think over these memories and periods of your life for as long as you wish, people have no right to tell you to just get over it or snap out of it. It's very horrible losing people to suicide, isn't it? I can also relate to that. I wish I could give you a big hug!
Xoxo
FiFi85

[Rosemary4]

Aww thank you @Former-Member, makes me tear up when someone understands like you just did 😢 a good thing i think. I've been trying hard not to mention my sister much, it does killl the atmosphere, but I miss her, especially at Christmas time. And our long phone chats... She was very guarded with people, acts so tough, and yet an introvert, hard to get to know, and I think I let her down big time when I had my first breakdown, which unfortunately timed around the birth of her first baby. She accused me of 'taking the limelight / attention from her, as if it was deliberate 😞  We did drift apart the most when she married this last 'rich' husband, who sees MI as a choice and encouraged her to distance from me. Maybe he's right but maybe there is value in supporting each other that little bit too. In my mind I thought maybe hubby was right and i  withdrew more from her myself, if it will help her... but it didn't. Not that we saw it coming at all. I don't know, life's a cockup! messy. I feel so powerless. My only comfort is my faith, to know I'm loved there at least, by someone who is in control & helps me do better. Ha, just realised how much of an enabler God must seem, it's not like that. Anyway, I look fwd to chatting with you more IFi... did you lose someone to suicide? I feel ashamed about it. And isolate from a world that I know cannot handle my story, and my covering it up to make them comfortable puts fwd a fakeness maybe, or a misfiring madwoman that just pushes ppl away inadvertantly :face_with_rolling_eyes: , who knows... I don't wanna make people uncomfortable, or constantly feel unacceptable... so I stay home. And they even criticize that. At least we're here. Thanks for the hugzz 💗