Lived Experience Forum

[EternalFlower]

@Jynx thanks so much! 

I thought maybe if I wrote like at 1am it could annoy ppl sleeping....that's so good that it's  not the case! 

[NatureLover]

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@EternalFlower wrote:

Thanks nature lover, I suck at this,,,I was worried if I tag ppl they will get an annoying email ...is it OK to tag ppl here ?

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Hi @EternalFlower , I see @Jynx  has replied to this! Perfectly OK to tag people. 🙂

[EternalFlower]

Hi @NatureLover , such a cool user name!  

I've taken a lot of meds in the past, they never did much, I think the doctors sort of have concluded it's not worth it as a treatment for me.

I see a young Dr who works collaboratively with me.

I think it's possible I'll go to hospital soon as Im having so much distress

I get racing thoughts about all the bad things I've seen and felt...ever....they feel so strong.

I don't know if my Dr is good or bad. 

I have a pretty low expectation level of psychs 

I find mostly they are so anti social and difficult to chat to.

This guy presents quire socially competent and friendly however at times he'll say something so odd I'll doubt him jn every way.

I worry even I am trauma bonded to him.

I see him every week and so far still mostly med free. I am getting a bit better, but life overall feels like pain.

[NatureLover]

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@EternalFlower wrote:

I think it's possible I'll go to hospital soon as Im having so much distress

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I'm sorry you're suffering so much distress, @EternalFlower  😞

I hope that if you do have a hospital admission soon, that it's helpful.

[maddison]

Hi @EternalFlower 

Thanks for reply & sharing. It sounds as though things are quite difficult for you at the moment. I 100% relate💜. Things have been pretty bumpy for me too lately. I keep waiting to get back to my regular self, but there is such a heaviness.

I like how you said that you appreciate talking openly about things. I agree.

I am not sure if you have a good dr. From what I've read, he does sound quite good. I guess, also that you are the expert on you. 

I don't like sleeping in the afternoons either! I think (hope) I am slowly improving, but yeh, my sleep is an issue at the moment & I find it distressing.

[EternalFlower]

Hi @maddison sleep can be so hard  i know it can make things so rough

Things are hard I feel really impatient things continue to not improve, I feel trapped a lot,. 

Today I've been watching a favourite show which has made me feel something at least, although the feelings are tough.

I am working on getting into hospital... might take a little while. I need to get out of my own space.

[maddison]

Your support re: sleeping is very appreciated @EternalFlower . I really love your username too. It reminds me of something beautiful, ancient, everlasting! 💚

I understand your feelings of being trapped & impatient. I hope you can find some release. I know it sounds kind of silly, I was wondering if you use meditation at all. I use the smiling mind app. I was against meditation for years. I felt like it was boring and not for me. I have been using it now for about a year. I still have difficulties with meditating. I am unable to do it if I feel anxious, it seems to not help, or it makes my anxiety worse. If I am relaxed and in right state of mind then I can find benifits from it. It has kind of taught me to use different techniques like focusing & counting my breaths when I am in public & my mind is in overdrive. It also gives different perspective on how you look at own thoughts - I'm terrible at that part & end up getting very involved in my thoughts!

Yes, tv is great distraction. What show was it? I like "Somebody, Somewhere" That's good you were able to feel something. I don't like the flat feelings either. No real highs or lows. I think that is part of depression.

I know it is very hard to get into hospital - it is unfortunate that health services are so difficult to access, if this is something you feel that you need. Have you expressed this to your dr?

Thanks for replying.

[wellwellwellnez]

Thanks for the positive feedback @maddison . I'm humbled.

[wellwellwellnez]

I changed my settings a while ago @EternalFlower . The default settings are a bit "spammy". Kind of makes sense though. Gives people reminders that when they reached out, something happened.

When I look at your reflections I keep thinking about the difference (or maybe spectrum) between the "clinical" approach of psychologists and the "interpersonal" approach of counselors. See what I mean by spectrum? They're two different things but they draw on each other.

It's a bit opposite-land in my situation. I do have a sense of attachment to my psychologist and it makes me nervous. I have some complex and under-researched stuff going on and most of it is rooted in attachment, so if the science doesn't come first, I risk getting left behind. I like the clinical relationship, kind of for the right and the wrong reasons.

But, I've been deliberately reaching out to counselor dynamics. In, so many ways. Being in a community education setting, this forum, various phone in services, pro-social para-social internet channels and now and then actually making an extra effort to reach out to old and new family and friends.

For me, it's equaled putting theory into practice. Also, doing things in a way where I can spread myself out a bit and not relying too much on any single group or person. That's me, though. Feels like we're looking for similar things, but everyone needs their own map to get there.

What I'm roughly saying is, we all need a bit of interpersonal and a bit of clinical and both of them, one way or another, "takes a village". Depends on what personal village you want to build.

[maddison]

Your welcome @wellwellwellnez . Your responses are amazing & have helped me too!